We must not be defeated – by A.D (1)

Illustration by @reesabobeesa

It’s the 7th of April, 2020, 5:30 pm. It’s Tuesday and I’m home, lying on my sofa trying to write this piece. I should be at work, but I’ve been on a two-week compulsory leave for 9 days now.  There’s a partial lockdown in Accra due to the COVID-19 pandemic, which is spreading very quickly. (God help us!) Although it’s not the best of reasons for being at home, I must say I’m enjoying my time away from work – relaxing, eating well, watching movies, going on social media, spending time with my babe, catching up on my studies, practicing my makeup and updating my Instagram page, spending time with my brother, I’m even blogging again after so many months! I’m having the time of my life, I must say. Anyway, I didn’t come here to talk about that so let’s move on to other things. I’ll try to write as much as I can today. Who knows when next I’ll get the opportunity?

So I just want to do a little bit of reflection on last year- 2019. In summary, 2019 was a challenging year. Mostly for me as an individual, but it did have an impact on my relationships. I would describe it as a ‘rollercoaster’ year. I achieved quite a bit in terms of what I set out to do for the year. First I got promoted at work, I went to driving school and got a driver’s license, I moved out of my parent’s house into a nice cosy apartment and got it fully furnished and I bought a brand new car! Yipee! I must be living the dream…lol. And oh, I dyed my hair a bright wine-ish colour. Now, that is the dream! 

I really should have been a very happy person last year, but that wasn’t exactly the case. I struggled with many things, especially managing my relationships; my relationship with Kudjo my fiancé, relationship with friends, relationship with my boss at work and relationship with my family. I tend to be very emotionally invested in relationships and the issues that kept coming up took such a toll on me, it spiraled into some sort of depression. I was having sleepless nights several nights in a row, I would cry in bed, I  would try writing down how I felt and scribble nonsense. There were days I would wake up and just lie down in bed till I’d be almost late for work before I’d start running around to get ready. Those days when I wished I didn’t exist. I was generally just emotionally unstable. It was tough. I wasn’t sure of how I was feeling though I suspected I was showing signs of depression. But then, I thought depression was too strong a word, probably too far fetched, and since I didn’t know how to explain what was going on with me, I couldn’t even talk to Kudjo about it. One day, I happened to chance on a link on Twitter to an online test and that’s when the results confirmed I had symptoms of mild depression. By then, I had gotten into a huge fight with Kudjo and he was asking for a break up because I was being unreasonable. I’ll explain what happened…

(to be continued)

*** this is a two-part story and the second part is coming soon

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