Things to Never Say to Or Ask a Bisexual

There are different, valid understandings for people who identify as bisexual and it sometimes means different things to different people. I identify as bisexual because I am not attracted to only one gender. My world and society is built on an assumption that a woman like me should only romantically love or fuck a cisgender man. The key word is only. That’s where I disagree. I like to date and fuck people I am attracted to and i have found myself attracted to the entire spectrum of human beings! So far I’ve been with cis men, hetero men, trans men and cis women. That to me is bisexuality. Somehow  the concept of bisexuality has still remained quite confusing for some people. Someone once asked me if being bisexual meant that I have to be in a thruple with a man and woman at the same time. To that I say, no? Or maybe? I don’t think so but I don’t know! Maybe someone out there likes it like that and could be using the term that way ? I don’t make the rules and no one should. 

When I was coming out to many of my straight family and friends, I got such unexpected things said to me that made me laugh, cry and go mad, I just had to write about it! These are the 3 most memorable.

Who is better?

I’m going to start with my favorite one. I got asked, “who is better, men or women”? This, of course, was coming from the mind of someone who sees the world in a binary. It’s a misconstrued notion that bisexuality is tied to the binary, and means an attraction to only the two genders. My response is always boring for people expecting a straightforward answer like ‘women are greater than men in all ways’, or ‘at the end of the day, i’m going to want a real dick’. 

A question like ‘who is better’ when it comes to different kinds of people will receive no answer from me because I’d never rank it that way. Sex has varied for me in so many ways, and in the same ways as well, it’s been fascinating.  It has been extremely awkward too, like the time this  guy would come on his hands and hold it steady until he tosses it in the toilet. The threesome encounters have sometimes been hot, sometimes uncollaborative and chaotic or sometimes drunken and forgettable. Then the sex has been fucking amazing too, when the person on the other side is attentive and ready to please you. That’s who’s better. And that’s how you become the one described as ‘better’.

That’s not a real thing

A person I love so dearly, looked me in the eye, when I told her I was bisexual and said, ‘That’s not a real thing, you’re just in the process of transitioning to a lesbian’. The statement alone is hilarious but I was partly amused and annoyed by their stern and assured tone while they said it. This person’s instinctual reaction wasn’t even the slightest shred of curiosity; they instead had the audacity to ‘inform’ me about myself while coming from a place of no knowledge or experience.

Bisexuality, like I said before, can sometimes get hard for people to understand because of how it’s not one straightforward thing. The person who said this to me was simply frustrated and couldn’t understand the fluidity of it.  This to me, is the beauty of it.

Just wait until you’re into the normal thing

 A fellow bisexual once told me that they are happy to be this way because it meant they were half gay and that in the future they will repent to God for their sins and then date a man, because they can. I have had this notion repeated to me several times in different ways – when someone looks at the fluidity of bisexuality to mean there is hope for some sort of ‘normal’; a hope that I will eventually date a man and all this bisexual nonsense can go away. 

It’s a set up, a prison, a blockade, to move around the world with the predetermined intentions of love and attraction. The unpredictability of it all is what I find so great. I love that I am attracted to people of all genders and non conforming. To tell me, I should wait and stick to one is something that I will never settle for.