How to Enjoy Your First Sexual Experience: Tips from Other Women

Photo credit: Billy Hani

I recently came across an article that challenged the widely-held belief that women have a lower sex drive than men. The article cited recent research that links a woman’s first sexual experience to her subsequent sexual drive. In other words, women who enjoy their first sexual experience are more likely to have a higher sex drive than those who have a bad or unsatisfactory experience without reaching orgasm. 

Intrigued by this new theory, I conducted a poll in a closed women’s group of African women from different countries to see how many women had enjoyed their first sexual experience. Out of 45 women, only 5 had admitted to enjoying it, while 9 found it to be just okay. Shockingly, of the remaining 31 women who had a bad first experience, 6 had been raped. This means that only a disappointing 11% of the 45 women from different backgrounds enjoyed their first sexual experience, providing further evidence to support the theory mentioned earlier.

Subsequently, realizing the importance of an enjoyable “first time” in a woman’s sexual journey, I asked the women what they believe could have made their experience better, and they were happy to share some tips that would make the first-time experience pleasurable for other women. Whether you’re in a committed relationship or exploring your sexuality with a partner, the tips below will equip you with the knowledge and confidence you need to have a positive and pleasurable first-time experience.

  1. Don’t feel pressured or obligated to have sex: 

Unless your choice was forcefully taken away, your first time should be a consensual and positive experience. Always keep in mind that the only right time is when you’re ready. Be patient with yourself and take your time. There is no need to rush things.

  1. Prepare Mentally: 

If you’re feeling nervous, preparing mentally and emotionally for your first time can increase your confidence and put you at ease. Take some time to reflect on your feelings and emotions. You can also practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to help you manage any anxiety or nervousness you may be feeling.

  1. Learn about Your Body:

Before exploring sex with someone else, it may be beneficial to learn about your body and what feels good for you. You can do this through masturbation and self-exploration.

  1. Choose the Right Partner:

Choosing the right partner for your first time is one of the most important decisions you will make. Ensure that you choose someone you’re comfortable with. The right partner is one who is attentive, respects your boundaries and choices, and makes you feel desirable.

  1. Communicate:

Having open communication with your partner is essential. It helps you to establish boundaries and expectations before you proceed, which is very important. Openly discussing your feelings and expectations can help you both build trust and intimacy, which can in turn make the experience more enjoyable.

  1. Explore your sexuality: 

Explore your sexuality with a partner you trust before having penetrative sex. This can be done through kissing, fondling, and oral sex. 

  1. Prepare Physically:

Preparing physically by engaging in foreplay before intercourse can make you more comfortable and relaxed. Don’t rush the process. Take it slowly and be patient with yourself. Foreplay increases your arousal and helps you become more comfortable with your partner. 

  1. Use Contraceptives:

Always use appropriate contraceptives and protection against STIs. Don’t be coerced into having unprotected sex. If you’re too uncomfortable or shy to get protection, chances are high that you’re not ready for sex.

  1. Have Lube on Hand: 

As long as you are aroused and into it, it’s okay if you are not wet enough. Having some lube on hand can make you feel better and reduce the risk of you feeling pain during penetration.

  1. Relax: 

Don’t worry too much about getting it right your first time. There is a lot of time to experiment later.

  1. You’re in Control: 

Finally, remember that it’s okay to say no at any point in time. If you’re not feeling comfortable or ready, communicate your feelings to your partner and take the time you need to feel ready. This is why it is important to choose an understanding and respectful partner that will respect your decision at any point in time. 


Your first-time experience should NOT be painful. It should be pleasurable and memorable. Approach the experience with a positive mindset, be open with your partner about what you want and what you’re uncomfortable with, and take the time you need to become comfortable. Remember that there’s no right or wrong way to experience your first time, and everyone’s experience is different. As long as you’re ready and it’s pleasurable, enjoy!

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