Written by Mariam Ahmed
According to WHO, sexual health is fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples, and families, and to the social and economic development of communities and countries. When regarded positively, sexual health necessitates a positive and respectful attitude toward sexuality and romantic relationships, as well as the ability to enjoy joyful and secure sexual experiences free from compulsion, pain, prejudice, and violence.
Women’s ability to achieve sexual health and well-being depends on their access to thorough, high-quality information about sex and sexuality, knowledge of the dangers of unprotected sex and their susceptibility to its negative effects, access to sexual health care, and living in a supportive environment that affirms and promotes sexual health.
There are many different aspects of sexual health including sexual orientation and gender identity, sexual expression, relationships, and pleasure. Negative outcomes or conditions like vaginismus, sexual dysfunction, and violence against women are also included.
In this article, I will be writing about vaginismus and its effect on women’s sexual health and self-esteem, and ways women with this condition can enjoy sex whilst healing. I will also be adding comments from women who have been experiencing this condition and have healed or are on the path to recovery.
Vaginismus is a strong involuntary contraction of the muscles surrounding the vaginal opening. It makes any penetration into the vagina (for example, during sex, gynecological examination, or inserting a tampon) painful, uncomfortable, or impossible.
Vaginismus can appear in girls with no previous sexual experience as well as in women who have never had problems with sex before. The most frequent cause of this muscular spasm is anxiety and fear of anticipated or experienced pain. It can be caused by stress, low self-esteem, fear of pain, an unsuccessful first sexual experience, as well as lack of adequate foreplay or even mistreatment by a partner. In some cases, no direct cause can be found.
I have dealt with vaginismus for years; it has torn me apart from my self-esteem to my mind to my physical aspects. – Jane
Vaginismus is very treatable and can be fixed. This condition is more common than most people think. Unfortunately, many women and girls feel uncomfortable or ashamed to talk about it.
Vaginismus is heartbreaking. Sex is something everyone else takes for granted but for people with this condition, it causes pain, sorrow, frustration, and a sense of being betrayed by your own body.
One of the misconceptions about vaginismus is that it does not have a cure. It does, and you can have pain-free sex. You do not have to suffer in the belief that you cannot be free from this condition because you can. Other misconceptions include;
- Therapy can single-handedly cure Vaginismus. However, it is the first and very important step to healing. It does not single-handedly cure this condition.
- Vaginismus does not only happen to people who have experienced sexual abuse, contrary to some popular opinions. It is not only people with a history of sexual abuse that experience vaginismus. There are many other causes and sometimes there is no cause.
- People with vaginismus do not have sexophobia. They can want sex and enjoy other forms of sex that don’t involve penetration.
- Vaginismus will not go away if you do not take action to make it go away.
“Generally, a doctor’s help is needed to treat vaginismus. It may be recommended to apply relaxation techniques and vaginal dilators with the help of a pelvic floor physiotherapist.” – Dr. Johannes Bitzer. Professor Emeritus of Obstetrics and Gynecology.
I have Diagnosed Vaginismus. I discovered this upon not being able to insert tampons and then being unable to get a pap done because I blacked out. I eventually got physical therapy from a pelvic floor specialist (for me a 6-month process). This involved a lot of stretching and dilation therapy. I now have pain-free sex and I’m pregnant, due in July. My first baby! – Anon
Vaginismus is a condition that can be treated (albeit with a lot of tears and hard work). Let’s keep striving towards the goal of the enjoyable, pain-free sex that we deserve. First of all, it’s not at all your fault, please never think that.
I am making progress with physiotherapy and can have vaginal sex but it is still slow and painful. But on the positive side, vaginismus forced my boyfriend and me to enjoy oral sex, 69, and “outercourse” so much. So despite having vaginismus I orgasm every time we are intimate, and it’s completely wonderful.- Kaffy
I had vaginismus for 7 years. It was an extremely challenging experience and I thought it would define my sex life forever. Fortunately, I ended up seeking help (psychologist, gynecologist, and pelvic floor therapy with lube and a vibrator) and I can now have pain-free and very pleasurable sex! To any girl who is struggling with vaginismus: YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!”- Itunu
You are perfect and loved just the way you are. Don’t forget to explore other types of sex besides the penis in the vagina. There are so many ways to achieve orgasm without penetration while you’re healing from vaginismus.
If you have vaginismus, it doesn’t mean that you’ll stop enjoying sexual activities altogether. Women who have the condition can still feel and crave sexual pleasure and have orgasms. Many sexual activities don’t involve penetration. For example:
1. Kissing and touching: Exploring each other’s bodies through kissing, touching, and caressing can be an intimate and enjoyable experience.
2. Oral sex: Giving and receiving oral sex can be a pleasurable alternative to penetration.
3. Manual stimulation: Using hands, fingers, or sex toys to stimulate the clitoris, vulva, or other erogenous zones can also be a satisfying sexual activity.
4. Mutual masturbation: Engaging in solo sexual activity together can be an intimate way to explore each other’s bodies.
5. Non-penetrative sex: There are many types of non-penetrative sex, such as grinding and tribadism, which can provide sexual pleasure without penetration.
It’s important to remember that there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Talking with your partner about your feelings and fears about intercourse may help you feel more relaxed.
Experts don’t know how many people have vaginismus. Many people may be too embarrassed to talk about the problem with their healthcare providers. Don’t let it define you or stop you from getting the help that you need. Vaginismus is treatable, but the first step to getting freedom from this condition is not to accept it and talk about it with a doctor. This first step can help you with the rest of the healing process.
Your doctor or therapist can provide you with ways to overcome vaginismus. Many people recover and go on to live happy sexual lives. Using lubrication or certain sexual positions can help make sexual intercourse more comfortable. Experiment and find out what works for you.
