Written by Nobuhle
Pussy power, yep we all know we have it. Our vaginas are magic, designed to bring both pleasure and life. As powerful pussy owners we tend to make a few mistakes in the sex world and maybe it’s time we talked about them. I have been called out on some of these and stubborn as I am, I saw the truth in what was being said. So let’s get down and dirty in calling out our bullshit for a minute.
Before the sex: when you find that fine somebody who makes your clit tingle just by looking at them, do not make these mistakes!
Talking yourself up
‘This pussy is bomb, you will never think of another once you taste this.’
Slow your roll before you set yourself up for disappointment. This person is going to walk in with very high expectations and if you do not meet them they may never come back.
We talk about our sexual capabilities based on past experiences but we forget that each body responds to different things. Yes, you blew X’s mind off and they are still obsessed with your bomb pussy but that may not apply in this case. Lock up that pride and allow yourself to go on this new adventure.
Talking about your sexual experiences, good or bad
I know what you are thinking: ‘how will they know what I like if I do not share from the past?’. Well, you can talk about what you like without referencing how someone else made your toes curl before squirting so hard that you thought you were going to die. The same applies to the dislikes.
Talking about your past experiences may introduce anxiety and cause one to push back from getting jiggy with you. Truth is, we all suffer from performance anxiety, so let’s not aid it by bringing the past up.
You and I are guilty of this and we cannot even deny it! We look at a person, their build, their lips and immediately assume that they will flip us over like a pancake and give us orgasms we will never forget. Tame it!
You have got to walk into your clit-appointment with the desire to work for your orgasm because you do not know what awaits you on the other side of the door. Walk in ready to learn and to teach, a new body means new lessons ALWAYS!
During the sexual activities: you have wiggled your way out of the ‘just friends’ zone and it is time to get down and dirty!
Using sex as a weapon or a reward
Guilt check, how many times have you done this? I know you have bribed your sexual partner using sex and also withheld sex when you did not get your way. The truth is it works but it has its downs.
First of all, you are high-key practising self-deprivation because you are committed to punishing your partner by withholding sex which means you don’t get some either. The crazy part is, despite you being the reason that sex is off the table, the resentment still goes towards the person who didn’t set the rules. How wild is that?
Overall, it ruins the idea of sex for both of you. It feels very transactional, and it takes a toll on the entire relationship. There is resentment buildup that will happen on both sides. The ‘weaponizer’ will not get the desired results because instead of addressing the real issues, they use sex which pushes their partner to comply but not to change. On the other hand, the one being controlled will feel exhausted by the idea of having to earn their way to sex.
It’s best to use words to resolve any and every problem that comes up in the relationship. That way, your partner understands why certain things upset you and you get the change that you need. Leave sex out of it, or have it after the heart-to-heart. It will slap!
Sex is like a dance and it takes time to get the rhythm right. If you do not give it time then you have robbed yourself and your partner of the opportunity to have mind-blowing sex. Shelf your desire to go and give your friends reviews about what is happening in your bedroom and focus on learning your partner’s body and teaching them what you like too. Impatience is the reason we miss out on earth-shattering orgasms.
Believing in your skills too much
It’s one thing to believe in yourself, but believing in your bedroom skills too much may lead you into a space where you become unteachable. I know you hate the sex know-it-alls too, so do not become one.
Yes, people write sex manuals and dish them out, but the one manual you mastered may not contain what is needed for this particular person. You have got to be open to learning so that sex is a joy ride for both of you. Remember, sex is for both of you!
After the sex: good things do come to an end sometimes.
Weaponizing sex problems
This is different from the weaponizing I spoke about before. This is the type that tears down the person in the public eye; when you take your pain and use it to shame your ex sexually, be it to your friends or on social media. For as long as you get the first say then you are the ‘victim’ that suffered from horrible sex from your partner.
Outside of it being hurtful and damaging, it also speaks to your character. People who are listening and watching start to hesitate to get sexually involved with you out of fear of being shamed the same way.
May this serve as a reminder that sex is meant to be enjoyed, no matter what time of the day or year it is. Let’s play our part in keeping this a fun experience and may your coochie receive the love you give to others. Enjoy!