I Want to F*** You: Understanding The Feederism Kink

Written by Nobuhle N Nyoni

What is your kink? The sex world is very intriguing. It often feels like every day, we learn new things about it. There are people out there who are aroused by the sight of concrete, whilst some get it off from touching trees.

For this reason alone, it is in your best interest to talk with your potential sneaky link, friend with benefits or whoever you plan on getting it on with and find out what makes them tick. The last thing you need is a surprise object in the wrong hole, ooops!

But what happens when your partner refrains from giving you the full details of their kinks/fetishes and has you living out their fantasy anyway? I was scrolling on TikTok one day when I came across a story of a woman who later learnt that her boyfriend had been grooming her into feederism. What is feederism?

Feederism is a subculture and fetish that involves individuals who derive pleasure from erotic eating, feeding and gaining weight. Feederism has also been described as Paraphilia, which by definition, is having an uncommon or unusual sexual interest. Granted that certain foods are aphrodisiacs, could this be an exaggerated version of bringing food into the bedroom? Some have argued that this is the case. Other theories state that feederism characteristics align with Morphophilia, sexual attraction to body characteristics different to one’s own, and BDSM, where control, power and humiliation are involved. 

Terms You Should Know

  • Gainers – people who want to gain weight. These individuals gain weight without help from anyone else. It is important to note that not all gainers are feedees.
  • Feedees – these are gainers who prefer to have someone fatten them up. The fattening could be by buying them food or feeding them.
  • Feeders – they enjoy feeding feedees, and not all feeders want their feedees to gain weight to the extent of becoming immobile.
  • Fat Admirers – they like big men or women, making all people in the feederism community fat admirers.

In consenting feederism relationships, both the feeder and feedee are sexually aroused by the acts of feeding and eating. In this case, the power dynamic lies in the hands of the feeder. They choose the menu, where to have it, and how, especially in BDSM settings. Yet, in some cases, there is no power play. Both individuals are turned on by feeding each other and gaining weight together. These couples are called mutual gainers.

Then, there are unique situations where the feeder hides their fetish. In this scenario, the feedee doesn’t realise what is happening and can easily assume that the feeding is a sign of affection. Feederism can also disguise itself as an act of service; a love language. The unfortunate side is that the unsuspecting feedee will wake up one day in a body they do not recognise and possibly hate themselves.

How To Spot a Feeder

  1. They are always buying or giving you food. Yes, we all love surprises. However, when your partner constantly indulges you in sugary and fatty foods, there is reason to worry. Especially if they get more excited about you eating than enjoying the meal with you. Another sign to watch out for is them offering you food at short intervals and forcing you to eat even when you are full.
  2. Feeders invest in your weight gain, and because of this, they will analyse your body more often.
  3. They get upset or moody when you miss a meal. Every meal is essential to Feeders because the goal is to watch you gain weight.
  4. They overlook your health concerns. As you gain weight, you are going to feel the change. Your clothes will start talking, and your body will get heavier. When you voice your concerns to a feeder, they will downplay the situation. And if they try to stop you from dieting and working out, that might be a sign!

Feederism sounds like a health threat, and to a degree, it is. However, it is dependent on the desired body of the gainer or the feeder. Depending on the body type, it is possible to enjoy feederism whilst maintaining a healthy diet and incorporating exercise.

Understanding The Body Types

  • Pudgy – this body has a small layer of fat. We see these bodies on people who have a toned body and have just gained weight.
  • Chubby – the weight range for this body type is 68-138 kg.
  • BBW – Big Beautiful Women, often categorised as overweight women. Their weight is a bit on the heavy side but with visible curves.
  • SBBW – Super Big Beautiful Women, this is the point to which the curves start disappearing and hiding under layers of fat.
  • SSBBW – Super-Sized Big Beautiful Women, these women weigh 182 kg going up.
  • USSBBW – Ultimate Super-Sized Beautiful Women The women under this body type are at their biggest. They are at the size where they are immobile. Not many get to this point.

There is an added element to feederism where some use the concept of role-play. In such cases, the feedee or gainer will purchase clothing in smaller sizes. Tight-fitting clothing, get stuffed by your feeder before the deed, and you will look heavier than you were 30 minutes ago.

However, for those who want real-life gains, the journey to the desired body weight is filled with creativity. For some, it’s fancy restaurant dinners, takeout or well-plated home-cooked food. But it’s not always a fork and knife meal. This community loves having a good time so they keep it interesting.

Types Of Feeding

  • Funnel feeding – yep, it is in the name. The feedee receives their food through a funnel.
  • Pig play – this leans a little into role play. The feedee pretends to be a pig and eats their food out of a trough. Some may take it up a notch and dress like a pig.
  • Crushing or Squashing – the feedee, often BBW or SSBBW, uses their body to crush the food before eating it.
  • Force-feeding – the feeder ties down the feedee and forces them to eat whatever they want until they are satisfied.
  • Teasing and humiliation – this type of feeding is for feedees who enjoy being teased or humiliated about their bodies privately or in public whilst eating.

One thing remains true. Our sexual fantasies are complicated. If you wake up one day in love with a feeder or feedee, learn the craft and find the balance. After all, sex should be fun for both parties, so get your kinks up!

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