Written by Nyambura

‘Let everything happen to you. The beauty and the terror; just keep going; no feeling is final.’

Ranier Marie Rilke, JoJo Rabbit. 

It is 6.30 am, Thursday, in July. The sun is rising shyly beyond the distant Kampala hills with the oranges, yellows and red hues brightening the horizon amid the early morning mist. This aesthetic beauty seems to enshroud the day with a certain elusive mystery, and I am running towards the hills thinking of the past, the present and the future. 

I have been working in Kampala for the last three weeks and I have gained so much perspective of my thoughts, my heart, and my being. As I run, I think of Steve, my boss here. I remember his touch, the way he held and made me feel. I will thoughts of him in my mind, and believe him into my being. The way I did on Tuesday night. The universe had conspired for us. When I stop to take in the scenery, I see a text from him saying ‘the universe will always allow you to be creative’. 

While working, I noticed how attractive, tall and slim he was; my type. I had gathered from my colleagues that they thought he was hot, but I hadn’t imagined me and him. On Tuesday evening, I had said how tired I was in passing when he asked about my day. Then he asked, ‘Oh, what would make it better?’, and I said, ‘A bottle of whiskey.’ I wasn’t just tired, I was also heartbroken because I had been expecting someone to visit me from Nairobi the past weekend, and I had been jilted. He never reached out nor returned my calls. 

While walking back to my hotel room, I entertained the thought of Steve. Hooking up with him would un-break my heart. That is what I needed. I put out a wish to the universe, hoping he would call me! 

The universe listened. 

I had settled in after taking a shower when an unknown number called me and when I picked up, it was Steve, asking which whiskey I preferred, and could I send him my pin location?

When he came over, I had worn a short, sexy, see-through dress, and I was naked beneath it. I had decided to liberate my body, dance to the tune the universe was playing, and lose myself. And the moment I saw him, an electric sexual energy charged between us. It was so spontaneous and unexpected, but a glass of whiskey in, I felt as if I had known this man forever.

I loved how his fingers started on my thighs, tapping, and pressing gently until when we couldn’t help it, our lips collided in a violent kiss, with his tongue probing my mouth with primal desire. As we were seated on the bed across from each other, I remember uncoiling myself from the lotus position and straddling him, while one of his hands squeezed my ass, and the other held the nape of my neck.

I could feel how hard he was between the thin layer of clothes separating us, his harsh breathing, and the tension in his body. I remember undoing his shirt in quick motions, and spreading my palms on his chest while our kiss grew more passionate. He had moved to kiss my neck and I was grinding on him. I remember unbuckling his belt, unzipping his pants and feeling his hard-on. He had growled like an injured animal when I wrapped my hands around it and he pushed me to lie on my back, while he pressed himself between my thighs, with his pants and boxers midway on his ass.

We hadn’t even thought of protection, but I was on contraception, and I didn’t mind raw sex, with my hormone-infused brain. I wanted to feel him so badly, I couldn’t wait to have him inside. And when he finally entered, I felt my body escape this plane of existence. I don’t remember what he whispered as he bit my ears, and placed both hands beneath my ass, and lifted me to meet his thrusts – the unhinged chemistry, how my feet moved to cuddle his taut ass, the sounds we suppressed as we enjoyed this incredulity, and how I gripped his back when I felt my stomach melt, a scream escaping my mouth, and how he suddenly started thrusting and breathing harder, until his body shattered with a mind-blowing orgasm. 

The rest of the night passed with us in various states of euphoria; me on top of him gripping the headboard while my braided hair fell on my back, him pressing my then naked body against the glass window and the dim glitters of the city beneath us. And then there was the unexpected gentle kiss at the door when he was leaving in the morning.  I think life is about such small moments, like forehead kisses, walks on the beach and sitting on the veranda in your grandmother’s house that I remember more fondly. 

I was so sore the next day. And I say “next” tongue-in-cheek because we hadn’t slept most of the night, but I got to work before him. My colleagues kept wondering where he was. Little did they know he had spent the night inside me! When he came in and said ‘good morning’ to me with a knowing smile, I felt the heat rise on my face, and I had to hide my face behind my computer screen to hide the glee.

And now, as I shiver on this cold morning, I can’t help but see how life aligns. It is full circle. A time like this last week, I was obsessed with a married man who treated me second-handedly. If nothing happens between me and Steve, I shall always remember he released me and put a spring back in my steps. 

T.S Elliot says, “We had the experience, but we missed the meaning”. I truly hope I have found meaning in this time and that something will last out of it and give me an endearing love. 

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