Sorry, Not Posting You On My Socials Until Marriage.

The sound of Taylor Swift and Shawn Mendes singing Lover woke me from a deep sleep. I loved the song, that was why it was my boyfriend’s ringtone, after all, so I allowed it to play for a while and sang along drowsily with my eyes still closed until the call was about to end. Then, I connected the call.

“Were you sleeping? Or just singing along until the last minute?” my boyfriend Ohene asked as soon as I picked up.

I chuckled. He knew me too well. “Both. What’s up, Babe?”

“Sorry for waking you up. Are you okay, though?” he asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, stifling a yawn. “It’s already 8 am. I should be waking up anyway.”

“Okay.” 

There was a short silence. Then, “Babe, are we good?” he asked in a pensive tone, making me frown.

“In what way?” I asked, contemplating between catching another hour of sleep or just getting up from bed. It was Saturday, after all.

“Like, are you mad at me for any reason? Did I do something?”

I was confused. “Why would you think that I’m mad at you?”

“Well, what else am I supposed to think? You finally posted a picture of us after months of being in a relationship, and you covered my face with an emoji! If we’re not fighting, and you’re not mad at me, why would you do that?”

I sighed, sitting up. I had completely forgotten about my post last night. “Oh, that.”

There was a few seconds of silence, then he repeated in a tone that betrayed his upset, ““Oh, that?” Yes, that. Would you be happy if I posted you on my Twitter and covered your face with an emoji?”

“Actually, I would prefer for you not to post me at all, at least for now,” I mumbled truthfully.

“Pardon?”

“Nothing, I just think we should wait a while longer before posting each other’s faces on our socials,” I said instead.

“Selorm, I thought you said we should wait till we’ve been dating for at least five months. Babe, we’re in our seventh month! Are you ashamed of me or something?” he asked in a hurt tone. 

I felt bad for hurting his feelings because I did love him, but I had my reasons. Getting up from the bed, I walked to my mini kitchen. This conversation was going to need coffee. 

“Of course I’m not ashamed of you, Ohene. Why would I be ashamed of you? You’re fine as fuck, a successful businessman, and very intelligent too.”

“Then what is the problem? Why don’t you want your followers to know who you’re dating? Is there something I need to know?” he demanded.

“That’s not it,” I assured him, knowing where his mind was going. I poured some water into my whistling kettle to boil, then took out my Nescafé instant coffee and creamer onto the counter.

“Ohene, you’re the only person I have a relationship with. I’m not flirting with anyone or hiding our relationship to appear single to other suitors. I talk about you sometimes on my Twitter, so everyone knows I’m in a defined relationship.”

“But not who you’re with,” he interjected while I turned off the gas at the whistling of the kettle. I poured water into my mug and thought about the best way to approach the situation. 

“Babe, you know that I love you —” I began placatingly, spooning coffee and creamer into my mug.

“ — but not enough to post me on any of your socials, apparently,” he interrupted.

I sighed and took a sip of my coffee. I didn’t think he would appreciate my reasons for not posting him yet. He was a man, after all. A good man so far, but still a man. As I tried to organize my thoughts to articulate my reasons to him, he spoke up. 

“You know what? Why don’t we have this conversation face-to-face? I’m coming over in two hours.”

“Okay,” I agreed with another sigh and a longer drag of my coffee.

“And stop sighing over me. I’m not the one acting strange,” he added.

“My sighing is an unconscious reaction to situations,” I defended.

“Whatever. Since I’m coming over, should I bring you food? Or you’ve got something else you plan to eat after that coffee you’re drinking?” he asked.

“How did you know I was drinking — never mind. I don’t have any food over here o. I would love some waakye for brunch, thanks,” I answered gratefully.

“Okay, see you in two hours.”

“Sure, Babe. And please ask for plenty stew and —”

“ — and extra shito, yes, I know.”

I chuckled. He did know me very well.  “And please, don’t buy it from that new fancy place we tried last week. I prefer Fauzia Waakye.”

“Noted, see you soon.”

“Sure. I love you.”

When he hung up without saying it back, I sighed again. He was more upset about that emoji than I had thought. I thought it was funny when I was doing it, but now I understand why he would not see it that way.

Two and half hours later, after filling my stomach with delicious waakye, it was time to face my boyfriend. We were sitting on my long couch facing each other, and it didn’t skip my notice that he was keeping some space between us, which was unlike him. 

“Are you going to talk about making me an emoji to your followers?” he asked with a raised brow.

Making him an emo– gosh, he was so dramatic, and I had to stop myself from chuckling because he was obviously hurt.

I took a deep breath. “Babe, I didn’t cover your face because I’m ashamed of you. I did it for my own protection.”

He frowned. “Protection? In what way? What are you protecting yourself from?”

“Chopping online breakfast,” I answered.

He snorted. “What??”

Warming up to the topic and relieved that we were finally talking about it, I leaned forward to explain myself. “See, it always happens. Girl posts her boyfriend online. The next thing, he is mudding her for the world to see. If nobody online knows what you look like, and I don’t have lovey photos of us online, if there’s a breakup I can move on quietly without any drama.”

He watched me in shocked silence. “I don’t even know what to say. I thought we were building a relationship to last. All that time you’ve been waiting for me to mud you?”

“Babe, that’s not what I said.”

“That’s what you’re implying though, isn’t it? Don’t you trust me?”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you. And to be fair, all these other women who have been mudded trusted their men, that’s why they proudly posted them in the first place. Do you remember my friend Serena? Immediately she posted herself and her man, other girls came out with receipts to show that he had been in their DMs flirting and claiming to be single. She wouldn’t have known if she hadn’t posted him, of course, so in her case, that was kind of a plus, but I know you’re not in any girls’ DMs because I have access to your socials.”

“Exactly!” he interrupted. “You have access to my phone and all my socials, and I gave you that access so that you will know that I am being very transparent with you. So I don’t understand why you’re being like this.”

“Yes, in that aspect, I know I probably have nothing to worry about.”

He huffed. “Probably? Selly —”

I held up a hand. “Hear me out, please. I know that you’ve not done anything to make me doubt you, but I’ve seen and had men disappoint me and other women in the most unexpected ways. I need to —”

“So now I’m paying for the crimes of other men?” he demanded.

“I’m sorry, but yes,” I answered truthfully. “It’s not fair, but I can’t help being cautious due to my past experiences and the experiences of the women around me. I don’t want to go through a public breakup because my 50,000 followers know the man I’m dating. I don’t want people who don’t know me personally in my relationship business. Once in a while, I can post stuff about my man being sweet or going somewhere with my man, but I don’t want to give strangers too much insight into my love life.”

He got up to pace. “Why do you seem so sure that there will be a breakup? That is the part I don’t get. All your argument is based on you not seeing us as an end game.”

“Babe, nobody goes into a relationship to break up, but life happens, and people, especially men, can show you shegge. My platforms are where I make money influencing, have fun, and de-stress with my mutuals. I don’t want my followers to be in my private business, and that is what will happen if I start posting pictures and videos of us. I want my public life as a micro fashion influencer and my private life to be separate.”

He didn’t respond, but he stopped pacing and returned to his seat, mulling over what I had just shared with him.

“I want our relationship to be private, but not a secret. The people that matter know about us. Babe, my friends and family know that we’re in a relationship. So do yours. Why do you care about strangers online knowing about it?” I asked.

He sighed. “It’s just that, I know how much your online community means to you, so I just felt that you posting us together is another validation of our relationship. I want to show you off to everyone because I love you so much and I want everyone to know it. I would have posted you long ago if you had allowed it. So, you not wanting the same thing made me feel kind of insecure, I won’t lie.”  

I grabbed his hand. “Oh, Babe. I love you too, so much. And you don’t need validation from my followers when you have validation from my family and friends. It’s hard for me to completely trust you now, because of what I’ve seen in the past, but as long as you’re as consistent and transparent as you’ve always been, I will get to trust you more. This has nothing to do with me not loving you.”

He sighed again, and it made my lip quirk. I was infecting him with the sighing syndrome. 

“I have to admit that it doesn’t feel good to know that you still have some doubts about me and us, but I understand you. I wasn’t looking at things from your point of view, but now that I’ve put myself in your shoes, I get where you’re coming from. I guess time will let you know that you’re it for me. And I desperately hope that I’m it for you too.”

I smiled, glad we were getting out of the woods. “I hope so too. This is the most open and transparent relationship I’ve ever had, and you make me feel happy and cared for.”

He pulled me closer. “Glad to hear.”

“And it doesn’t hurt at all that you’re great in bed either,” I added, leaning forward to peck him on the lips. Well, it was intended to be a peck but he turned it into a kiss.

“I love you, Selorm,” he whispered against my lips when we broke off the kiss.

“I love you too, Ohene,” I whispered back.

“Promise me something?”

“What?” I asked.

“That you’ll at least post our wedding photos.”

I laughed. “Deal. That, I can do.”