Yes, We’re Feminists. No, We Don’t Want To Be Men.
If you’re a feminist, chances are pretty high that you’ve heard the misconception that you’re craving to be a man. I’m sure the people who say it don’t realise that translating “I want to be given the same choices and opportunities as a man with similar capabilities” as “You want to be a man” in itself shows that they have a discriminatory mindset against women.
I always find it hilarious when men equate feminism with women wanting to be men. Honestly, why would we want to be men? We love being women. The problem is not that we’re women; the problem is the struggles and harm that we go through because we’re women.
On this first edition of “Chit-chat With the Gurls”, I had a fun but illuminating chit-chat with our awesome gurls on the topic.
My guests today are Aida, a 25-year-old environmentalist & visual artist from Kenya; Idayat, a 24-year-old environmentalist, writer, and brand strategist from Nigeria; and Doyin, a 22-year-old “feminist witch” and writer from Nigeria.
Sarcastic Icebreaker: Ladies, when did you first realise that wanting equal pay at work meant you secretly wanted to be Senyo from accounting, and how did you handle that identity crisis?
Aida: I wouldn’t want to be Senyo, not even for the extra pay ?
Idayat: By realising Senyo is not the standard for excellence. Also, I don’t wear the same boxers for 2 weeks straight.
Doyin: Haha! This has never happened to me, but my best friend has an experience, and I can ask her ?.
Okay, now on to serious questions.
Question 1: First things first. Are you a feminist?
Aida: In my blood 😉
Idayat: Yes. Big, mighty yes that thunders.
Doyin: I dey Fem like mad?
Question 2: What do you think makes you a feminist?
Aida: Acknowledging the stark power imbalances both in my family and wider African society and knowing it doesn’t have to be this way.
Idayat: My determination to ensure that women are treated by society as humans with dignity, autonomy, and agency. My commitment to fighting against patriarchal structures and misogynistic roots that are hell-bent against women’s rights and liberation.
Doyin: Manyyy things, but I know I genuinely hate men. ? I’m a girl’s girl. I write it. Preach it. I openly talk about things they say women shouldn’t say. Girl-child advocate like mad.
Question 3: What do you think about the idea that feminists want to be men?
Aida: We wouldn’t want to be men even if you paid us. ?
Idayat: I think it is misogynistic because it is saying men are inherently the standard, which is not true. Men aren’t. So feminists don’t want to be men; we just want to be treated like human beings equally. Like society treats men.
Doyin: First of all, I shall not be equated with a man. I am a higher being. I don’t ever want to be a male, ew. That “I am no better than a man” doesn’t hold water on my side because I am genuinely better than a man.
Question 4: Do you think feminism can ever be free from the mantra that we want to be men?
Aida: Absolutely. Saying we want to be men sounds like propaganda from the opposing side. As feminist voices are more heard out, it becomes crystal clear that we have no desire to be our oppressors.
Idayat: Yes, I think so. By being more radical and uprooting the structures in place that promote such silly insinuations. Simply put, by showing men aren’t the prize.
Doyin: Of course, it can’t. ? Ambition, selfishness, financial and sexual freedom are among attributes linked to masculinity. Of course, it hurts men to see women doing things, and they try to use that “bask in your femininity” to hold us down.
Question 5: Language shapes reality. What’s one word or phrase related to feminism you’d love to reclaim or redefine, and how would you flip its script?
Aida: Bitch. I love the word “bitch”; it exudes power to me and makes me think of a woman that’s unruly and unbreakable. Bad bitch is even hotter.
Idayat: Hmm, “woman”. Lately, there has been an uproar over who a woman is. A lot of people (males and feminist women trying to be inclusive) have reduced womanhood to a performance, a script, and a costume. And it is not true. A woman is an adult human female. Only females can be humans, sorry women.
Doyin: “Oh, you’re a feminist.”
Yes, I am, and you are not.
I need more women to openly admit this. Away with the shame and stigma associated with feminism. Why shouldn’t I be proud to defend myself and another woman?
Visionary Vibes: Let’s dream big, ladies. Paint us a picture of your ideal feminist future. How does it look, feel, and empower without succumbing to the misconception of wanting to ‘become men’?
Aida: Feminist futures. Matriarchal style of leadership. A society that values women’s bodies, journeys, labours, and emotions. Absolute intolerance for gender-based violence. Safe, clean, and free spaces for children. And men who provide instead of exploit and extract.
Idayat: Oooh, my ideal feminist future is one where feminism is redundant. Where we don’t need to be feminists anymore because women’s rights are notable and set in stone to be human rights.
Doyin: If we are doing visions, I want a world free of men. ?
I’m sorry, but that’s the permanent solution.
Okay, tbh. A future where women “stand on business”.
Getting that job, pursuing that career, having that money, prioritising themselves.
Sarcastic Sign-off: What is your go-to, snappy response when someone says, “Oh, you’re a feminist, so you hate men”?
Aida: Damn right I do. I’d be a fool not to hate those who make the world unsafe and impose the majority of the violence we see today. Call me Ms. andrist ?
Idayat: Yes, yes, I do.
Doyin: Yes, I am a feminist. I am everything evil. A witch, a misandrist, and I hate men for a living. ??
