‘So…can you send me a picture?’, his voice trailed off on the other end of the line. Now, since the conversation had taken on a strong sexual undertone, I knew exactly what he meant.
‘Um…what kind of picture?’
‘You know…a picture.’
*sigh*
Silence on my end.
‘Ok, hold on…’
I then proceeded to raze my university residence room to the ground looking for the lingerie set my mom had gotten me during the winter break (as an afterthought at the counter at the store). A black corset set with garters. Anybody who knows me knows I absolutely love to take pictures, so this was not going to be awkward or uncomfortable. I’ll admit I revelled in it. I’ve always liked my body. I closed the curtains self-consciously (our warden lived in the cottage behind my room) lamp light illuminated the darkness for ‘ambience’ and that was that. I loved those pictures and was proud to send them. I was 19.
And so began one of my staple activities in a long distance relationship I was in at the time. The pictures became increasingly creative and I always had fun taking them. Really it felt like a healthy outlet for the pent-up sexual energy neither of us knew what to do with. And since he always deleted the pictures I sent him, there always needed to be new ones to take their place. I remember even taking a video of myself masturbating at some point and sitting on my bed in the dark, watching it in awe before sending it and hiding my phone under my bed. Two thoughts: ‘So that’s what I look like down there?’ And ‘He’s going to think I’ve lost my mind.’
I would make a sex tape. I would even make them a regular part of sex with a trusted partner. I don’t believe an adult can truly find that outrageous. This probably flies in the face of the faux outrage and moral concern exhibited at leaked sex-tapes and the inevitable allegations of a breach of trust that fly around for a while afterwards. Drawing everyone interested into a silly cycle of performance. I just don’t think its that surprising that other people have sex.
I enjoy the sensation of being recorded or watched in that context. In fact I enjoy all manner of sexual home-made media including audio (surprisingly I’m awkward about phone sex, but that’s another post). Its one way I feel sexy and the thought of the other person experiencing that image or recording makes me both self-conscious and excited at once.
What’s your take on personal porn? Too risky?
14 comments On Guest Contributor Anna Sasin: Creating home made porn and sexy images…
An ex lover and I once decided to create a home made video. So we set up the camcorder and went at it. Afterwards we watched the video together and we both hated it. We both looked fat, and the whole video just looked ridiculous. I mean we had just had some amazing sex but that’s not what the video captured. Maybe we need a professional crew and soft lightning.
So he deleted the video. At least I hope he did. He tells me that he didn’t delete the video and watches it to get off occasionally but I think he’s pulling my leg. I desperately hope he is pulling my leg 🙂
@ Nana Darkoa, lol!
Definately too risky for me. My first concern is, what if it ever got out? Can I still hold my head up and say “no biggie”? Definately not! We would have to relocate to Ancorage or someplace.
Second, I don’t like my body. I would be a prime candidate for anorexia, except, I love my food too much. Mirrors are as far as I will go, and even then, I find it hard to look. Kudos to those who have tried it.
Hell no (too risky)!!but then mayb its only a scandal over here.i tried nude n semi nude pictures which got deleted by my bf but not b4 somebody got to it n u cant imagine d hell i suffered (n an ugly past dat still haunts my present every now n then) when the pictures got leaked on campus,neighborhood,cafes n virtually everywher methink.a few people actually tried blackmailing me with it,to add to the fact that i have been called whore,bitch n many other obscenities 4 a crime some others commit but ‘yes u were caught on tape'(comforting reasoning by some people).technology n people r not that trustworthy.
I made a sex tape once. Oh gawd I was SO fat. I not only deleted the film, but broke the camera a few months later for good measure. It’s not the the sex was bad…it was that my body looked bad having it!
Hahaha! @ Nana Darkoah & Malaka. I thought about doing a sex tape with my boyfriend some time back but I had to ‘kill’ the idea quickly when I remembered that both me & my boo are plus size so our sex tape will probably either look like a scene from ‘Mike & Molly’ or some really bad fat porno! kudos to those who have the guts to do a home sex vid tho…
Hahahaha. I reckon we all need to get over our ‘fat girl’ issues 🙂
I’m sure he was pulling A leg 😛
Sorry to bring down the tone!
I wonder if a day will come that women don’t hate their bodies, sigh we are all in it together
Its risky… but i think i like the idea. It puts you on the edge.
Hmmm, it’s risky — but intriguing. I did that with my gf but the fear of it popping up somewhere haunts me every now and then. I wouldn’t advise it. I agree with Nana Darkoa, ladies need to get over this “I’m fat” self pity. Love you body, it’s yours. If you don’t like what you see, do something about it.
@Kafui – I think that’s easier said than done. I know of very few women who are TRULY happy with their bodies, no matter how fit they are. There will always be something to bitch and moan about.
Omg its refreshing to know I’m not the only one harbouring fat girl baggage! Mine is definitely not in my head though! It’s mostly in my hips and waist
Simple answer is HELL NO!!!
Mind you when I was 18 and incredibly naive I allowed a guy to take erotic pics of me “sans face’
After a lot of editing and soft lighting I was pleasantly surprised at the result
I wouldn’t do it now though! Can’t trust my bulges and dimples!
@Malaka: Touché!
Personal porn – not yet. Too precarious a venture for my liking at the moment. Sexy images are fun though, I have a few digital photos of me in my lingerie and wouldn’t mind taking more.