I was BBM’ing with my friend earlier today and somehow the conversation turned to situations where you get turned on against your will.
Me: “What are you up to?”
Him: “I’m trying to read in bed and my mate’s 7 year old daughter who has a crush on me has jumped in bed with me and is talking my ear off.”
Me: “Awww. How sweet. Its a good thing you’re not a paedophile.”
Him: “It’s a very good thing I’m not.”
This conversation got us chatting about situations where you get turned on against your will. I shared how I had read about a new mother who was so concerned when she got aroused suckling her new born baby that she called the police. He shared his fear that, “what if I see my mate’s penis in the gym shower and get a hard on, does that make me gay?” My response, “As for you guys and your stupid homophobic fears. Sigh. Anyway we’ve talked about that subject ad nauseum”.
A few years ago I went on holiday to a resort in Turkey. I was travelling by myself and spent many blissful days lying on the beach, sightseeing, and drinking cocktails in the bar below my hotel. Walking through the resort I would see numerous signs for Turkish baths and massages and decided to walk into one facility to make some enquiries. I chatted with a lovely Turkish lady, and made an appointment for 11am the following day. She adviced me to bring a bikini for my treatment the following day. The following day I arrived at 11am and was welcomed by a Turkish man who showed me to the sauna. After the sauna he asked me if I would like to lie in the bath which had already been run. Somehow I didn’t feel comfortable lying in this bath because I wasn’t sure how clean it was so I declined the offer.
“Ready for your massage Nana”, he asked. “Yes” I responded, wondering all the while where the lovely lady I had seen the day before was. He walked with me to the massage room. “Take off your swimming costume and lie down” he said. “Oh. Okay. Can I have a towel please?” He handed me a small towel, and asked me to lie on my front. After massaging my back and legs for a while he asked me to turn over. “Can I have another towel please?” I asked, and covered my boobs as I turned over. I continued to close my eyes and tried hard to relax but couldn’t quite relax. Was it my imagination or were his fingers lingering on my inner thighs? Did he just flick uncomfortably close to my vagina or was that my imagination? “Nana you like massage” he asked. “Ermm. Its okay”. He started to massage my upper body. No, I definitely felt him flick my nipple I thought. I opened my eyes and the small towel I had covered my boobs with had strayed far south of where I had placed them. I could see my nipples! And they were darkened and engorged. I pulled the towel back over my boobs. I definitely could not relax now. And somehow I didn’t have the courage to get up and leave. “Nana you like massage?” he asked again. “Its okay” was my response. Somehow I continued to lie there, waiting for the massage to end, feeling my body respond against my will to this man who I thought was frankly icky. Now in terms of getting aroused against your will I think this is fairly low level stuff. I could have got up at any point in time and said, “No, I’m not enjoying this massage”, and walked out. But I spent ages asking myself if I was imagining things, and even when I had clear evidence that I was not imagining things I still felt like I couldn’t just get up and leave. I’m not quite sure why. Maybe I felt I was entitled to a massage because I had paid for one. Maybe I felt it would be rude to walk out. Whatever.
My experience of arousal against my will was fairly low level stuff but the BBM conversation I referred to earlier got me thinking about more serious stuff. I have read about women who have been raped and found to their horror that they got wet during the rape (and I’m not referring to enacting rape fantasies here). You can imagine the extra psychological damage this would cause to the survivor of rape. They might ask themselves questions like, “Did the fact that I got wet mean I wanted to get raped?”. But from what I have read and understand our body prepares us for penetration, which means that your body could secret fluid to lessen the impact of penetration. Now that’s a mind fuck isn’t it?
Have you ever experienced a situation where you felt aroused against your will? Go on. You know you want to tell…
19 comments On Becoming aroused against your will…
aroused against my will- that’d hv to be by my female friend who’s now moved to T’aadi . she kept doing small things (licking her lips, stroking my arm, whispering into my ear) that’d turn me on so much it was ridiculous! and i thought her body was gorgeous. she was slender with these these huge boobs ( i hv tiny boobs so i’ve always admired big boobs, lol) and i was overawed by her personality (i’m quite cowardly but she’s really bold and no-nonsense). i wonder whether feeling that way makes me bi? & i wonder whether there are people who’ve NEVER bn attracted to someone of the same sex (do i sense a blog posting coming up on this topic Nana D? wink)
Nana, it almost seems to me that almost every arousal is against our will, meaning that arousal is an unconscious process…… Just in the same way that we can’t really will ourselves into being around… Just a thought.
A number of experiences spring to mind. I think a girl who used to help my grandmother aroused me a lot — against my better judgement. She’d come into my room after having a bath and ask to use my body cream. Then she’d drop her towel, and slowly embalm herself, while looking seductively into my eyes and intermittently brushing my face with her erect nipples. She has a great rack, I must say — and a voluptuous body.
Kafui, embalming herself? Please say it ain’t so. This might be the first recorded case of self-embalming…
Other than the sidestep into necrophilia, this is a tasty story.
c’mon Kofi, stop being such a humorless smart Alec! I get aroused all the time checking out women. I suspect that involuntary arousal can’t be that uncommon! Happens to guys probably like 4 times a day. Maybe, girls are wired differently and do not have the same involuntary reaction that men do.
I was thinking that wouldn’t it be nice to have a anonymous confessional on adventure from? since I came up with the idea, I have to confess that I quite fancy having a fling with Nana 🙂 involuntary reaction again!
@Ekuba – Ha! I hear your blog request, and I’ll honour it one of these days. My own personal thoughts are that women (even straight women) tend to be more open to the idea of hooking up with other women, whereas straight guys tend to be quite anti. This is the sense I get from chatting to men and women about sexuality. Even my totally straight girlfriends may occasionally admit to fancing a ‘hot’ woman whereas my straight guy friends panic at even the thought that they could inadvertently be turned on by an erect penis (as referenced in the post above).
@Kofi A – Hmmmm. That’s a deep existentialist type thought. I don’t know though. Is every arousal against our will? I know I set out deliberately to get aroused a lot of times so my involuntary arousal is definitely the exception rather than the norm.
@Kafui – She was SO deliberately seducing you! Was she much older? Somehow I get the sense that she was older, and that you were a child?
@Babyjet – Hahaha. I am flattered. Thank you. So out of curiousity what makes you fancy having a fling with me. And yeah, Kofi can be a bit of a smart Alec…largely cos he is…but I believe in this particular instance he was referring to Kafui’s use of ’embalm’ which strictly speaking is the process of preserving a dead body 🙂
@Nana D, I need to do some research into the psychodynamics of arousal, but as a guy, I know that as my testosterone levels decline, arousal as expressed by an erection, as opposed to a conscious thought that one would like to have sex, is something that can’t be willed.
I would think that a conscious thought and conscious acts might help but I think that they are mediated by unconscious processes and hormonal triggers.
Anyhow, as I said, more research needed.
Yours sincerely,
Smart Alec.
Herrrr Dada bee girls paaah bringing out deh sexy ayeh in dem..I LOVE DIS BLOOOGG!! only wish everyone could be this open in person. I know I am.
http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-18604682?SThisFB
I think i have a sense of humor.. LOLz
Lmao!! @ kofi Ametewee. yes u have a sense of humor.
Meanwhile, i have just been aroused against my will by a photo i took of a friend this evening. i don’t know if it is the lights and how they reflected, but…hmm.
@ Nana, I quite fancy a rasta with some meat on her bones, especially if the meat is around the posterior:-)
thumbs up Kofi, now lets embalm your sarcasm on Kafui’s post.
@Kofi: Hmm,the memory made ma fingers go fast — to type embalm. Fingers actually went to work. Oops…
@Nana: Yup, she was older. I was seduced — no regrets though.
@Babyjet: My adventurous, flirty alter ego gets arouse on per second billing. 😉
The incident that sprung to mind immediately i read this piece was the day i just succumbed to my boyfriend’s requests for sex even though i didnt feel like it. I was prepared to just lay there and fake through all 2 minutes of it just to end his endless, annoying, groping and fondling. well one minute into the “do” i started to feel the most intense pleasure…needless to say, he couldnt keep going till i reached my big O but well, i ended up with a far cry from the dried-up, boring session i imagined it would be. Many times afterwards, ive imagined what could have caused this to happen…was it the friction in my moistless tunnel? or the awareness that even without makin an effort, i was giving someone deep pleasure? Still no answers though…..
This just happened to me. Still thinking in my head if it was rape or I really wanted it?-
So my course mate and I met at his place to study for a midterm. This guy was in his boxers the min I walk in. He is very fine.
He sits besides me and leans in to kiss me. I say to him, ” We need to study”
His response was ” So you don’t wanna kiss me? ”
Well I did kiss him. ( Good kiss in a long while)
I did not have intent to have sex but clearly that’s what he had on his mind. Very forceful guy. I was moist but I was not enjoying it.
Yeah did I just get raped? Trying to brush it off here but so hard
@Kofi I agree that most arousals are against our will. I find I get more heated and aroused when I am not expecting it and I can say against my will. I find that at the times when I am expecting to be aroused I don’t get as heated even if I get aroused. Thats why spontaneous sex is much more enjoyable than planned ones, at least in my case. Thats the reason some men are unable to control themselves and do things we will consider stupid by acting on their animal instints.
i have a problem and that is seeing a naked woman. i once went to a nude beach in Zoetermeer and did not last a minute because i was an embarrassment to myself.
Ewiase–I had a similar experience at a nude beach in California a number of years ago. I put my towel down, got naked and put sun tan lotion all over my body. I noted the naked and very hot looking young ladies. I had a huge erection which I had no control over. I decided to jump in the water thinking that would calm me done. It did not help. I left the water and walked back to my towel hard as a rock. I hoped this might gather some interest from some of the ladies. Instead, I drew the attention of several gay/bi men. I got several positive comments and offers from them, but had no interest. I left the beach shortly thereafter.
Adjeley–You don’t sound particularly pleased with your boyfriends “2 minutes”.