When I started fucking a Ghanaian man the first thing that drove home for me that, individual differences aside, our sex life was a little bit different than it had been with my American ex was this: A few weeks into our super-active love life I looked down at my waist beads and realized they were all still intact.
I was shocked. We had been having some vigorous and involved sex and my guy’s hands were usually wrapped around my waist or hips. In my prior relationship I had ripped a lot of waist beads and I had just come to think of it as a part of an active sex life. I think a part of me had even come to use my beads getting ripped as a measure of how crazy-good the sex had been. So when I realized my waist beads were still lying there intact around my hips after so much passionate boot-knocking with my current guy I was almost unnerved for a minute. Could the sex really have been as good as I thought?
It didn’t take me more than a second of mulling to feel like I would be struck by lightning for even questioning something like that. When had my body ever done the things it was doing for this dude? Chale, the sex was more than good. It was wow. But then, how were my waist beads all still intact?
I brought this question up with my guy to tease him and his response was “Abi, the non-African guy just slept with any women in ahundzi before you. Maybe he didn’t know that you’re not supposed to rip them.” I died laughing. I almost wanted to call my ex to ask him if my beads ever got in his way or if struggling not to damage them every time we had sex had consumed a lot of his emotional energy but I suppressed the urge. Though I must say I giggled for days.
But after that conversation I couldn’t stop thinking about waist beads. They hold a special place in my heart. I started wearing them as an adult. My aunt gifted me with my first pair when I became sexually active and this further cemented their association with love, sexiness and steaminess in my head. I personally have about five sets, of six to ten strands each, that I cycle through depending on if I’ve gained weight around my hips, if I’m wearing clothes that are tighter or loose fitting, if I’m wearing trousers with low waistbands or higher ones, skirts with thicker fabrics or lighter ones etc.
Having several sets is actually a holdover from my past relationship in which no one set lasted more than a few weeks. Back then, I didn’t alternate pairs, I just wore one set till it got ripped and then replaced it with another. After my ex and I broke up I just kept acquiring beads at the same schedule and wearing them for my own happiness. So before I knew it I had quite a few pairs. Because I take my beads off to shower (they get wet and make me cold under my clothes if I don’t) it isn’t a lot of trouble to alternate between sets.
I never expect my current guy to notice when they change but he always does. He doesn’t have a favorite set, at least not that he has mentioned, but he tends to notice when a new set enters the roster. He makes some comment or asks me what the occasion is. He handles different sets of beads differently too. He seems to intuitively know which ones will hold up to some hard gripping and there is one pair that I always seem to be wearing during especially torrid lovemaking. After so many incidents of torrid lovemaking there is undoubtedly still a part of me that is shocked that my current guy hasn’t so much as unhinged a single bead.
Dwelling on this shock got me thinking about all the things I had read about waist beads: how they were supposed to be a rosary of sorts for your lover—something to help him keep time and stay on beat while he fucked you. I had read somewhere else that they were supposed to be a metronome to help the guy you were with measure his pulse so he didn’t over-exert himself. Another book I had come across said that waist beads were worn for the sound. Every man knew the particular sound of his woman’s beads and so when he heard her walking he could hear a sexual music under her clothes that no other man could hear. The sound of it would keep him excited until nighttime. I thought of how romantic all these things were and how they were all probably just starry-eyed reimaginings of a practical object—back in the days of old when panties weren’t yet introduced women wore loincloths, which were just a folded piece of cloth that stretched from their pelvis to their buttocks, and waist beads were designed to hold up the loincloths—but how sexy all the reimaginings were all the same. I started thinking about limiting my set of waist beads to only one pair that I never took off so my guy could memorize the sound and hear me walking across the room towards him and give me some secret smile only he and I would know the meaning of.
Adventurers do any of you have a waist bead story? Do you find them sexy? How do you interact with them during sexytimes?
8 comments On Guest Contributor Voluptous Voltarian: Sex Brewed in An African Pot
Yes. No and Yes. This waist bead story is funny oo.
So, ya’ll know T.B. Joshua the con artist who masquerades as a pastor, right? I discovered him last year. and prior to that I had never head of his existence. Thanks to youtube having a video of an African woman with a face which looked like it had been ravaged by an apocalyptic demon. I clicked the link, ready to see a healing take place! HEIIIIIIIII! What I saw, made me want to puke. This woman’s face was not only eaten, but her exposed chest had been eaten by this demon oo, He prayed for her, and she got healed!! I really PRAISED Jesus for his everlasting grace and mercies, upon this woman’s life, and proceeded to click on another video, which happened to be the BEAD video!! My pippoz, I believe in miracles, and it seemed that this man was used of God oo!! The Spirit of discernment had not yet settled in my soul, clearly. Ehe,
The bead video was EYE opening, and a confirmation of what I’d always heard in the grapevine. This chic was called out from the crowd [as per T.B. Joshua’s statement, he was led by the Spirit of God] and came prancing. T.B. told her to lift her shirt, and she revealed BEADS!! Let the prayers BEGIN! He TOUCHED her belly and started commanding the spirits of Jezebel to come out!! Boy did they come out!! And TALK, they did!! Heiiii!!
The beads are used as SEXUAL ENHANCERS the girl revealed, or should I say the Jezebel demons revealed [the demons were the ones doing the talking!!]. There were different kinds of waist beads! Some to make sure that you fell pregnant, others to make sure you had an ATM for life. My pippoz!! I WANT IN! She had consulted with a powerful sangoma-jujuman, and she wore these beads around her waist to attract men. Problem with her was that she did not discriminate oo. She took even the ones that were taken. From what I gathered, the sex was bomb diggiry dot com!!
Personally, I would never ever wear those beads oo. I associate them with juju….and I can elaborate more, if you like, from stories I’ve heard!
Great posting, VV!!
I think that as Africans we MUST learn to associate between things that are of the devil and things that we have been TOLD are of the devil, things which the white missionaries saw as sexual and thus belonging to the ‘darkness’, things which our very own pastors unwittingly promote as such today.
For you see, what better way to win over a people to your way of life (read religion) than to tell them that almost everything they believe in is bad or wrong? You have to remember that we were naked, they were clothed. Our women were buxom, attracting their men – some who fathered children with them – thereby PROMOTING that image of the licentious African woman/Mandingo African male.
Let us not allow foolishness to keep us from tarring everything in our culture/way of life as bad or wrong. (As it is, I am doing a paper on the subject of sex and women in my culture at the moment. I will leave a link here when it is done.)
But of course, you are free to choose what you believe, as I am. And I am all for waist beads. I don’t wear them now as I had to take them off for pregnancy but my man proposed with them. And I accepted. I’m going to dig them out and wear them again.
When I say naked, I am of course, excluding married people and elder who were not, but this depended on the ear of course. And no matter what outfits we wore, they were not European (read, ‘It fit our hot climate’) and thus revealed too much foe comfort of the ‘masters’.
That is all.
Love waist beads, always have. I have worn them for years now, and in those years i have had a few people insinuate that having them on meant i might be a witch, slut, or both. They make me feel sexy so i keep em. I like the idea of my man knowing the sound of my waist beads so when i walk he can hear sexual music under my clothes, but mine are silent(i think). I need to get me some noisy ones! Lol.
Never associated waist beads with witchcraft,how backward would that be?(Of course it can be an instrument of,but so could any object be).
I started wearing beads just about four years ago because my friend who was making them made it look really fashionable.
However,I have come to realize that MEN especially my Ghanaian men love it!they find it soo sexy and such a turn on,damn the reaction has been awesome!both young and old.
Personally I have to come to love it too and even my female friends admire it,I call it the ‘perfect 10’.
So yes beads are great and they are aphrodiasics too.now u can pimp them up in soo many ways.
I have had beads ripped off by a ghanaian guy, so will have to disagree lol
I have a few sets and enjoy seeing myself with them on. Also the idea of a guy putting them on during forplay 🙂
I love waist beads. Currently not wearing them but definitely going to get a couple of new sets asap. I too have a story of waist beads being associated with juju. An African pastor visited my church in the US and called me out during the prophetic session for wearing waist beads. He asked me to take them off because the devil was trying to use them to ruin my marriage. I had a boyfriend then. I took them off but i couldn’t help but marvel at how and why the devil would use waist beads of all things to attack my marriage. There must be something about them……… 🙂
First time commenting, have read here for ages
I wear them, have done off and on. Once had a date with a guy, yoruba who when he put his hands round my waist felt them and asked me if they were what he thought they were, i said yes. He asked if i was trying to jazz him, i said that depends…
I like them, they hold many meanings as beautifully illustrated, from entry into womanhood, sensuality and so on. I’m from the south of Nigeria and i’ve also read and heard all the opinions that it is to do with juju etc. I’m not exactly religious and lean more towards Ifa as a tradition anyway. So not sure if that’s why i’m mostly ok with it. It is old African (west mainly) tradition and rite of passage for some women. So i embrace it for that reason.