An extract from a whatsapp conversation between an ‘ex’ and I…
I learned I have delayed/impaired ejaculation. I get and stay up easily, but as you always saw…nothing.
Then I started thinking of myself pre-masturbation (before 23) and post…and how easily/often I orgasmed. As much as I often thought “how I’d like to hold it and last past 3-5mins,” now I lament how I realized I could fuck for 30-45mins easily and not cum (trust me on this: it can be exhausting and frustrating). And the thought of wearing a woman out, or having her wonder if I’m not into her can be taxing. I remember fucking you from behind at your home and wondering “what the fuck!” I love[d] your butt and watching my dick disappear into you was heaven…but…nothing.
So after 9 years, I’ve quit masturbating. It’s helped me sleep, cope with stress/anxiety, lulls of no partner(s)…wow, almost like a best friend. But dude has had to go. I miss being 19 and feeling my dick pulsate and spasm as I cum into a lover and I’m taking myself back to that young man.
I wonder now: do we ever realize the magnitude the effects masturbation really has on our sexual health? In 2 years, I’ve only cum from sex once (with you in my bed the first time)! Isn’t that crazy?!
So…I quit for ever!
I’m curious to see what your readers- both sexes- have to say about this stuff. Until this weekend, I didn’t even know it was a medical condition and that it wasn’t just unusual staying power.
So fellow Adventurers, over to you, what do you think? These are the questions that pop into my mind. Can masturbation really make it difficult for you to cum when you are with someone else? Could it be that you learn how to pleasure yourself so well that no one else can give you that level of pleasure? For my sisters, how will you feel if you were with a guy who could give you orgasm after orgasm but you couldn’t do the same for him? Let’s chat…
10 comments On He says, ‘I’ve quit masturbating’…
Until just now, i didn’t know it was a medical condition…
Well, guilty here as well.
I have had the problem from the beginning, I never went to a doctor, but I heard of the condition of “delayed/impaired ejaculation”. I always wondered whether it was emotional (not being confident enough) or from masturbating too regularly during my puberty (making my dick less sensitive).
It was very frustrating the first years that I was sexually active, my first girlfriend was really disappointed and feared that I was simply not “into her”. It hurt my feelings and I was unhappy because of this “condition”. During my relationship with her, and through communicating that I really, really was attracted and aroused by her, but simply “physically” not capable of coming fast enough (I really had ‘blue balls’ the first tons of times of intercourse), I learned that it was a ‘condition’ and it would be there (forever?).
In the end we broke up (not because of this, other issue) and I came through the same phase again with a second girlfriend. She first with whom I was able to “cum” inside of her. Probably because I got to read my own ‘signs’ better and got to know my body better.
But still, every time it is the first time with a girl, I feel the urge to explain that it is a physical condition and that it is simply the way my body is. I have really noticed that they feel relieved because they worried that it was their lack, or that they plain don’t believe me.
The latter is the hardest, because it is still something very intimate that you share with your (bed)partner.
Over the years, I learned to live with it, and I now even see it as something positive.
Yes, it is frustrating not to be able to cum every time and I do relate to your ‘ex’ of feeling like you are “wearing a woman out”. It is fun, but very, very exhausting.
I got used to it though, and build up my orgasm in several steps. Mostly, it doesn’t come the first night. And if it does, it can take to over an hour, it is exhausting and I am very sweaty, feel less attractive, lose my erection, …
In the beginning, it exhausted me emotionally, I felt “less like a man”, I even had a partner asking me whether I was gay (not that I would mind that question in a normal conversation, but it was said with such disdain, I believe she was hiding her own insecurity behind that question and blamed me for not cumming inside her gorgeous body)
I am a bit jealous of your ‘ex’ because hasn’t had this condition since the beginning, for me it is all I have ever known. The few times that I came in minutes are extremely rare, and for some reason they are really arousing memories to me 🙂 Kind of silly if you think of it.
But anyway, I totally relate to the story, I hope that ‘masturbation stop’ will help him, I for one got very used to this condition and try to see it as a plus size, it is just part of who I am.
Well i remember reading once upon a time about how over-stimulation can/does lead to reduced sensitivity, pain during sex, etc. That was for womenfolk though. But i guess it stands to reason that the same would go for men.
I would love to call BS – say your fiend is merely getting older. But I am not a doctor, and for that reason I will ask, did he see one to determine that masturbation was the problem?
You know my thoughts on masturbation.
Had no idea whatsapps could be so fun…
I can see that happening because the organ has been trained…
There is a bit of anxiety involved in the whole thing that can exacerbate the condition, I think.
Overall, I think that there are issues of control here. He comes in his bed, but not in your house. Relaxation is important, and it happens to come in some scenarios and not others.
sex is mostly mental.. I’d go see a shrink…
@Nnenna- when Nana suggested I write a response, I was- and still am- hesitant to delve into the personal here, even though I can easily remain anonymous if I chose. I’m not really sure this is one of those situations where you necessarily need confirmation from a professional about a very obvious problem you can identify after careful self-examination.
I’m 32 and still manage to maintain the same 2-7-hour erections I easily held as a teenager and it doesn’t take much for it to get up (ask N.D. for yourself), so it’s not an age issue. I just realized there had been physiological (and perhaps psychological changes since I was introduced to masturbation in my 20s.
Anyway, as I later explained to Nana in our rolling convos, mine is an exercise to retrain my brain to allow it to reach an orgasm with softer walls of a vaginal canal than with that of a 9-yr-old grip that’s only gotten progressively tighter over the years.
@Kofi No shrink needed 🙂 We went at it several times in my bed and the same end result.
In the category of Practical Manual Assistance:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/apr/02/sexual-healing
Link leads to a Guardian sex columnist query and response. Query was sent in by lover of a man with similar problem.
Hope it helps.
Interesting, I wish I had that problem. I am 34 and struggle to delay my ejaculation for the most part….
Guys, I can remember going through this about 11 years ago. Before then I happened not to have had a partner for as long as 4 years and had to resort to masturbation to relieve myself from sexual tension. Anyone who has lived in London can attest to the fact that in some measure, it could be a boring place. I finally got a girlfriend and when we got down to it, somehow I felt not used to the confine of a vagina. The sex was not pleasing for me and I kept thrusting till kingdom come, stopping only when my girl told me she was tired. I remained confused since he next few encounters remained the same. My relief came when she encouraged me to talk about it. It ended up with her masturbating me to a joyous come after she had been well ‘processed’ by me inside as we’ll as out. Gradually, gradually, I got used to being inside a vagina again and became ‘normal’ all over again. It made me realize that prolonged masturbation could indeed play tricks with the mind and creat such dysfunction. But the fact of the woman being understanding and experienced helped. She worked with me to retrain me out of the dysfunction. Now thankfully I am used to the two different sensations. I choose which I want and when, and my partner is always willing to comply, happy as well if I have to do it myself. Masturbation is healthy, but should be managed properly. But Vic, should you be in understanding circumstances and incorporate masturbation into your sexual portfolio, you and your partner will have a better time together. I just hope that you and anyone going through this will find more pleasure when you are able to relax the anxiety.
I have delayed ejaculation also, probably due to too much masturbation (as I researched). I have a big dick and pounding a lady for an hour or more is never a pleasant thing. A girl once told me that the way I fucked her showed that I had no love for her. I kept slamming her hard and told her to beg me to stop, but she refused even though she was in tears. I had to stop and give myself a hand job. I came in less than 5 minutes.