In two years, I lost five pregnancies. Then my health began to deteriorate. I was weak, exhausted all the time, and constantly bleeding. Beamah stopped giving me the concoctions, and she had many hushed conversations with my husband. One day, when they thought I was asleep, I listened as they discussed me.
“I have told you that nothing can be done again,” Beamah told Baffour. “Her health is deteriorating. The earlier you return her to her family, the better. She cannot bear you children anymore. Her womb has been affected by all the miscarriages. I warned you earlier that she didn’t seem to be all that strong.”
“You were right about that,” Baffour agreed. “And I have no use for a woman who cannot bear children. Are you certain she will not be better in a few months? I do enjoy her cooking, and I must admit that I would miss that if I send her back. Perhaps I could just marry another wife in addition to bear me children.”
Beamah huffed. “Well, she’s still good for something, at least. However, her health is going to get worse, and in a few months, she won’t be able to move around well enough to make you meals. In another few months, she will likely be dead. You could keep her until she becomes too weak and then send her back to her people, or you can do it early and dissolve the marriage on grounds that she is not fertile enough to carry a baby to term. Her people will be ashamed, but they will understand why a man would return a useless wife. That would be better than keeping a wife who is almost knocking on death’s door. You cannot afford to have another dead wife to your name.”
It was then that I remembered that his previous wife had died under unknown circumstances. Was this what happened to her as well? Was she impregnated, abused, or given fertility concoctions to start the whole process again? Maybe not. Perhaps she was killed by something else. I didn’t think that my husband would have done it again if his first wife died this way. But then again, what did I know? There was nothing that I would put past men.
As they continued to discuss me, I listened with a numb heart. I didn’t know how I felt about being taken back to my father’s house as a disgrace to womanhood. I thought that maybe it would be better. If it came to that, they wouldn’t fault me, would they? They wouldn’t blame me. I had tried the marriage they had shoved me into, and I was being sent back broken in both spirit and health. I didn’t think they would blame me, but I learned differently.
******************
“Your daughter is barren and cannot bear me children. To make matters worse, I have it on good authority that she is in poor health and will soon be unable to fulfill any of her duties as a wife. I am returning her to you on account that you gave me a frail woman as a wife. You promised me that she would bear me many, healthy children. Instead, she has a useless womb that cannot even carry one child! Not only do I feel deceived, but I am also very upset. After losing one wife to ailment, I cannot abide another who has poor health.”
I kept my head bowed as my husband gave an impassioned speech to my parents. If I hadn’t overheard his conversation with Beamah, I would have been blindsided when he barged into my room the following morning and demanded that I pack my belongings.
“I’m returning you to your family. I cannot marry a woman who is too weak to be a wife.”
My heart skipped a beat and began to pound earnestly. I had expected it, but when it happened, I was anxious. What was life going to be like for me now? Was it going to be better, or worse?
Now, I kept my head down as my parents apologised profusely to my husband and consented to the dissolution of the marriage. Nobody asked about my side of the story or how I was doing. Two of my uncles were called over to be witnesses, and by noon, I was once again a single woman. By supper, the whole town had heard that I had been returned home to my parents disgracefully. In between avoiding my eyes, my mother shot me looks of pity when she thought I wasn’t looking.
That night, before we went to bed, my father called me over, and with eyes full of disappointment, he spoke directly to me for the first time since my return.
“You have brought shame onto my name, Ramatu. You have disgraced my name and your mother as well. I cannot live in the same house as a woman who couldn’t please her husband. Tomorrow, you must find somewhere else to go. The minute I gave you to your husband, you were no longer my responsibility.”
I felt something sharp in my chest, and then it was gone. With dry lips, I choked out, “Where would I go?”
“I do not know. Perhaps, you can move in with one of your brothers as a helper for his wife.”
I fell back into the chair I was sitting on, weakened by the extent of his disregard. As he left, I raised my head to catch my mother’s eyes.
She looked conflicted, but eventually, she just shook her head and whispered, “I’m sorry,” before following her husband out. I understood that she was a product of her circumstances just as I was, but I didn’t think I could forgive her for never having the guts to stand up for me.
I didn’t sleep that night. I lay awake on the thin, straw bed with my cloth wrapped around me thinking and reflecting. I had known that I wasn’t worth much to them, I just hadn’t known how bad it was. The next morning, I rose at dawn before everyone else and left the house with nothing but the dress I wore, and began to walk.
There was some comfort in the chilly morning air and the semi-darkness of dawn. I walked and walked, purposefully, but seemingly without direction, avoiding the gazes of the few early risers who recognised me and whispered among themselves. I just blanked my mind, avoided everyone, and just walked.
When I got to my destination, she was already there, waiting for me as promised, and a small black car was parked behind the large tree on her compound.
“Good, you’re right on time.”
The heaviness that had been in my chest began to loosen, and I felt a prickle in my eyes for the first time in years as I remembered the journey that had brought me here.
*Eighteen Months Ago (In Beamah’s Office)*
“That’s part of the reason I am here. I want to have an heir soon. So I hoped that after she lost that baby she could have another one soon. I agree that I didn’t expect her to lose the child over that incident. I should be more careful with her stomach area since I want a child by next year.”
“If you want her to get pregnant again quickly, I can help you with that. Ideally, for girls of today, they will say she should rest before you try for another pregnancy, but I believe she will be fine. Some of these young girls are too spoiled.”
Baffour opened his mouth to speak but his cell phone rang and after looking at the screen, he rose. “I need to take this outside. Beamah, you can use this time to do that examination you mentioned earlier. Let me know when it’s over. Stay with my cousin,” he added off-handedly to me before leaving the room.
I kept my gaze down.
“Look at me.”
I didn’t want to look at the wicked woman, but I knew better than to antagonise my husband’s cousin, so I glanced up.
We stared at each other for a few seconds, measuring ourselves. Then, glancing at the door, she said the most shocking thing.
“I can help you, Ramatu. I can help you if you want.”
“Help me, how?” I asked in surprise.
“I can help you leave this life, to have a better life away from here.”
I stared at her in open-mouthed shock. What kind of new trick was this?
“Why would you help me?” I stammered, genuinely confused.
“Because I remember what it was like to be you, and I know how your life will turn out if you remain here married to my cousin. I look at you and see a deeply suppressed fire and zeal to be more. I can help you to be more.”
I didn’t know how to react. Of all the things I had imagined could happen, this was definitely not one of them. Was my husband trying to test me?
“This is not a test,” she said, reading my mind. “I have to act like them to be able to help girls like you.”
For a whole minute, I just stared at her, mind reeling. And the longer I stared, the less she looked like the wicked witch I was used to seeing. I saw something different; a kindness and understanding that I had never experienced before. Something warm unfurled in my chest, starting out as a small ball of heat and got bigger. I didn’t know what it was then, but I would later realise that it was hope.
