Written by Nobuhle Nyoni
PART 2
“Okay, maybe she doesn’t hate me for running away on Saturday. Or she wants to break up with me before we get to school? Oh boy.”
She strolled towards her best friend.
“Before you say anything, I am sorry. I understand why you ran out. I shouldn’t have assumed that you were interested in me that way. You know, as a lesbian. It was unfair. And I was wrong to lie to you all those years and manipulate you into thinking nobody else liked you. I know why I did it, but it was not right. If you don’t want to be friends anymore, I understand,” Ropa said, barely taking a breath between sentences.
“I am upset with you for lying and being mean to me instead of telling the truth. I do feel betrayed. The kiss didn’t upset me as much as you think it did. The lies did. Friends don’t do that to each other, Ropa,” she said.
“I just did the hard thing without even thinking about it.”
“I am sorry, Sphe. I am.”
“Look, I don’t know how to repair the broken trust. It will take time, but I think we can still be friends,” Sphe replied.
Ropa hugged her. Sphe didn’t realise how much she needed that. She held on tighter than she should have. When they released each other, she felt sad that she couldn’t trust her friend enough to share everything weighing heavy on her. They talked about classes the rest of the walk because their love lives were off the table.
At lunchtime, Sphe sat by their favourite bench alone because Ropa had to train for the track. As Sphe watched Ropa running laps, she wondered how a beautiful girl like Ropa liked her when she could get any girl she wanted. It puzzled her. She snapped out of it and decided to try and write back to Mandla.
“It’s been a week. If you hated the note, you could have at least graded it and given it back.”
She knew that voice. Mandla Maseko was speaking to her. She looked up from her bag, and there he was. He stood with his hands in his pockets and a wide smile. He looked at her as though he was searching for something in her eyes.
“Funny story, I was about to write back.”
“What a coincidence. So, what did you plan on saying?” Mandla said, sitting beside her.
Nervously, she said, “I have no idea.”
“He smells so good. I want to fall into his arms and stay there.”
Ropa stood at the far end of the track. She saw Mandla and Sphe sitting together, and her heart sank. But she knew she had two choices. She either needed to accept that her friend was not in love with her or sabotage the Mandla situation and lose her friend forever.
“Well, I would like to take you out for ice cream. You can bring your friend, I will bring my friend, and maybe they will hit it off.”
Sphe panicked a little because she knew Ropa would be uncomfortable on a double date for more than one reason.
“Mandla Maseko, are you asking me out on a date?” she tried to play her panic off.
“Yes, Siphesihle Nqobo, I am.”
“Uhm,” Sphe lifted her head to look at Ropa, who was at the end of her training. “Can I think about it?”
“Sure, but you can think while we chat on Twitter, right?” Mandla says.
“He wants to talk to me? I might pass out. It feels unreal, but so did the note.”
He pulled out his phone, opened his Twitter and handed her the phone so she could type in her handle. She typed it, followed herself and passed him the phone. He opened her profile picture, smirked and said, ‘Cute, I will catch you later, Sphe.’
“He thinks I am cute. I wonder if he knows that I think he is my true love. His walk is so cool.”
“Back to earth before you drool, girl,” Ropa interrupted her thoughts.
“What are you talking about? I am a composed girl,” Sphe laughs.
“What did charmer boy want?”
“A reply to his note, an ice cream date, and my Twitter handle. Nothing crazy,” she said, trying to sound nonchalant.
“No talking stage in sight, and he wants to take you out on a date? A man who knows what he wants,” Ropa replied, trying to hide the jealousy building up inside.
“He wanted it to be a double date, including you and his friend. I told him I had to think about it because…”
“Because I am gay. You can say it, you know. I am happy to be your alibi, but I will skip the boy,” Ropa chuckled.
Sphe shot half a smile back at her. Ropa’s energy was off. Sphe knew why, and the thought of using her as an alibi made her uncomfortable. Ropa took a shower in the changing rooms, and Sphe read a book as she waited for her. She had seen her friend shower before, but on that day, her mind couldn’t sit still. She kept replaying the porn video she had watched on Saturday and replacing the characters with Ropa and herself.
“I am forever horny lately, and it is my fault. I never used to feel like this before I watched those devil-sent videos. And it is too late. My curiosity is at its peak, but I can’t drag anyone else into it. I am on my own with this one. I need to…”
“Siphesihle!” Ropa called.
“Yes,” Sphe responded, snapping out of her horny thoughts.
“You weren’t on earth, were you? I bet you were daydreaming of Mandla, and here I thought you were admiring my body,” Ropa laughed.
“You do have a great body, Ropa. How could you not with all the training you do?”
Ropa smiled at her.
“She caught me staring at her. Thank heavens she can’t read minds. I need to get it together. Maybe if I say a prayer tonight, all these thoughts will stop. And I might stop masturbating, too.”
Ropa tapped her shoulder when she was ready to leave. They walked home, and Sphe did her best to stay focused on the conversation. When they finally separated, she felt her shoulders relax. Her body had tensed up as a reminder of what not to do or say. She didn’t want to slip up and confess that she wanted to kiss and touch Ropa. She also didn’t want to bring up Mandla, even though she was very excited about that.
Her bedroom felt safe. It held her secrets and her deepest thoughts. It listened to her cries when she had no one to cry to. It was her favourite place to be. She turned on her laptop to check if Mandla had said anything on Twitter. She had one new DM. She clicked to check who it was from, and it was Ropa. Her excitement died. She wondered if she should message him first but convinced herself that it would make her look too keen, so she went about doing her homework instead.
After another awkward family dinner, Sphe crawled into her bed with her laptop. She had given up on hearing from Mandla, so she decided to catch up on a show she had started watching a few weeks back. Before she could open a tab for it, she had two DM notifications. Yes, one of them was from Mandla.
Message 1: Hey Sphe, I am sorry for messaging late. I promise I am not trying to play the cool guy you see in the movies. Training was longer than usual today, and when I got home, I was exhausted. So I took a 3-hour nap. It took up my homework time, and I just finished it now.
Message 2: I am over-explaining, aren’t I? My point is that I was not ignoring you. I wish we had a delete-for-all option here.
Message 3: All this typing, and I haven’t asked you how you are. My bad. How are you, Sphe?
Sphe’s smile was so wide her jaw started to hurt. Their conversation was easy. They shared memes and a bit of school gossip and got to know each other. Sphesihle ended up falling asleep whilst waiting for Mandla’s reply. The following morning, he had left her a cute message.
I guess you fell asleep. It was great talking to you today. See you tomorrow.
She wished she could share all this with Ropa. But she didn’t feel comfortable doing so. It felt tiring trying to protect both of them. That entire week, Mandla would steal a few minutes with her to talk. And they would chat every night. On Friday afternoon, Mandla caught Sphe and Ropa exiting the school gate.
“Hey, guys. Sorry, Ropa, may I please speak to Sphe for a few minutes?” he asked with begging eyes.
“Sure, but you owe me,” Ropa replied, forcing a smile. She could see how their relationship was progressing, and she didn’t like it much. Part of her wished she could eliminate Mandla so Sphe could be hers. But she knew it was not the right thing to do.
“Hey Sphe, I will be at the mall tomorrow with a few friends. Honestly, they are an excuse for me to leave the house. I want to spend some time with you. Please say yes,” Mandla said.
“I will let you know tonight. I have to talk to my Mom. Hopefully, she will not act like a typical African Mom when I ask. Cool?”
“Cool. Catch you later,” Mandla said with a smile that made Sphe’s heart skip a beat. His eyes were filled with excitement every time they spoke face to face. She hoped that it was love.
Sphe couldn’t contain her excitement, but when she turned around to face Ropa, she fixed her face. She tried to, but Ropa didn’t need to see her face to know Sphe was smitten.
“First date, huh?” Ropa asked with very little enthusiasm.
“Maybe. I don’t know if my Mom will let me leave the house,” Sphe replied.
“She will if you say you are going with me and other girls,” Ropa said.
“I know, but I don’t want you to end up stuck with a boy you don’t like. It’s not fair.”
“Nothing is fair, Sphe.”
Sphe wasn’t sure if they were still talking about the mall trip or something else. Ropa’s energy had shifted, but Sphe chose not to poke at her. So they walked in silence, said their goodbyes and that was it. When Sphe got home, she didn’t know how to start the conversation with her mother. So she kept hanging around, waiting for the best time to ask.
“Mom…” she stopped herself. Her mother looked at her, waiting for her to finish her statement.
“Yes, Sphe,” her Mom responded.
“May I please go to the mall after therapy tomorrow?” she finally asked.
“Who will you be going with?” her mother asked.
“A bunch of people from school will be there,” she said, avoiding the lie.
Her mother smiled, “There is a boy, isn’t there?”
Sphe wanted to lie, but her mother could sniff a lie from afar. Instead of lying, she nodded her head.
“You have been going to bed late. I hear you giggling sometimes. I knew something was going on. I know your father is stricter than me, so I want you to be able to speak to me, Sphe. So what’s his name?”
“Mandla,” Sphe said shyly. Her mother shot her a look that said, ‘Yes, go on.’
“We are in the same grade; he plays rugby; we are both in the top five of our class, and I think he is a nice guy,” Sphe said.
Her mother smiled. She seemed more excited than Sphe about this entire situation.
“He sounds like a nice boy. I will need his full name just in case something happens. I will drop you off at noon and will be back to pick you up at 2 p.m. No later than that. How much do you need?” her mother asked.
“I…need money on a date?” she asked.
“Yes, you do. You should never go on a date without enough money to cover your bill or get back home. It doesn’t matter how old you are. That is non-negotiable, Sphe.”
“I think $10 will do, Mom,” Sphe responded.
“That’s fine.”
“Thank you, Mom,” Sphe said with a smile.
Sphe couldn’t wait to tell Mandla she would see him on Saturday. They arranged to meet at Sphe’s favourite ice cream shop. She was so excited. She decided to wear a cute little black dress with a pair of sneakers. As if they wouldn’t see each other in a few hours, they still talked until late.
She woke up feeling happier than she had ever felt. Ropa was her first date when they spoke and gave her outfit a thumbs up. Everything was going well until she overheard her parents’ conversation.
“You were with her again, weren’t you, Bongani? When I asked about that woman, you called me crazy, yet here you are with a shirt with lipstick stains. I do not wear red lipstick, so don’t you lie,” her mother said.
“Nto, you are being loud. Do you want our daughter to hear this conversation? Calm down,” Sphe’s father responded.
“Your daughter turns fourteen in four days. Do you think she has not noticed how often you disappear? Sphe may not ask the questions, but I guarantee she knows something is wrong. I have lied to protect you in the past, but it ends now because you have done nothing to protect me. Our time is up, Bongani.”
“Nto…” her father said. He didn’t have the chance to finish his sentence because her mother had walked away.
“I guess I was right then. This relationship is over. Dad has been cheating. It explains him not sleeping at home the other weekend. Mom knew all along. She was acting strong. My mother is heartbroken because of the man I call a father. What perfect timing, dad!”
When she left her room, she was angry and searching for her mother. Her father was sitting in the lounge, reading a newspaper.
“Good morning, Dad. Where is Mom?” Sphe asked.
“Good morning, Sphe. How are you?” her father responded.
“Where is Mom?” she asked again.
Her father immediately knew that she had overheard their conversation.
“Sphe, I can explain,” he said.
“Dad, please, where is Mom?” Sphe asked. This time, she had tears in her eyes.
“She is waiting for you outside,” he replied softly. He sounded defeated and filled with guilt.
She ran out of the house to look for her mother. She found her sitting outside, looking at the flowers she had planted herself. They had bloomed and looked so beautiful. Sphe hugged her mother so tightly.
“I am sorry, Mama. Are you going to be alright?” Sphe asked.
“Yes, I will be alright. Don’t worry about the things going on between your father and me. Those worries are ours, you hear me?”
Sphe nodded her head, but she knew she was going to worry about it all. They sat by the bench a little longer before leaving for Sphe’s therapy session. The emotions filled up the car, and neither of them spoke a word. They arrived in time for her session, so Sphe headed straight to Dr. T’s office.
