My Secret Garden: African women’s sexual fantasies

Ages ago a male friend told me about a book he had read, “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday. According to him the book was a real turn on so off I trotted to the bookshop and bought myself a copy. Personally I didn’t find the book a huge turn on but I appreciated the project Ms Friday had embarked on and that was to document women’s fantasties. As is often the case with the books on sexuality I have come across the women featured were North American and English (I also get the impression that most of them were white). There is a comment she makes in her preface which I so agree with:

In trying to understand what it is to be a woman neither nationality nor class helps define us so much as the honesty of our feelings about ourselves and our desires

Friday was motivated to compile the sexual fantasies of women when she revealed her own sexual fantasy to her hitherto liberated lover…after he had asked her during sex “what are you thinking?” (how often do you get asked this question or ask it yourself? I get asked and also ask often)his reaction was to get up, put on his clothing and leave.

Friday found women’s fantasties fall into mainly 16 principal themes. I cannot list all 16 here but the list included:

Annonymity – sex where for one reason or the other the face/body/image of the other person is not revealed

The Audience – sex with other people watching

Other women – sex with other women

When it comes to fantasies I sometimes struggle. I have found guys often ask “what’s your fantasy?” in a bid to help you realise your fantasties but for me that is a difficulty. The fantasy might not even involve the guy in question at all! I suspect that the fantasy may be more enjoyable than the reality. Am I wrong? Has anyone realised their fantasies and thought “that was out of this world“. In case you’re wondering my fantasy would be for some girl on girl action.

Can we start our very own secret garden? What are your fantasies? Please list them in the comments field. Guys if you want to list your fantasties just indicate you’re male so we can disaggregate by gender.

Nana Darkoa

10 comments On My Secret Garden: African women’s sexual fantasies

  • One of my recent fantasies is the standard professor-student seduction but with a twist, I’m female and so is she (the professor in question). – Office hours ends with her hands/face between my legs or…
    – After a nice professor-student dinner (and a few glasses of wine and intelligent conversation) I end up at her place, on her couch… you know the rest 🙂

    Somehow I don’t think these would be well received responses if the question were posed by a male lover.

  • Hey Shane, thanks for sharing. It’s interesting the responses we give when the question is posed by a male lover…

  • Gosh Nana, I’ve been searching for this blog all my life! I was wondering whether I was the only African woman who needed to speak frankly about sex issue with other African women.

    Thank you for the good work you are doing here (I’m jumping up and down). 🙂

    My fantasy is pretty simple. I’m in his office under the desk, between his legs… he’s interviewing someone and trying to keep a straight face while I give him great head.

  • Bijou, people like you make writing this blog totally worthwhile. Needless to say you are not the only African woman who needs to speak frankly about sex with other African women. Welcome to the family

  • I find it interesting that bijou’s fantasy centers around someone else’s pleasure and not her own. What’s in it for her?

  • Oh Shane…there is intense pleasure in giving someone else pleasure. I really enjoy giving blow jobs but I discriminate a lot with who I give them to. Needless to say, if I see you enjoying it… i’m on such a high….

  • male here!
    what about Michele ‘heading’ cute under Obama’s oval office desk while he attempts to pay attention to a visiting Mugabe for a bailout!

    i bet this would be a sellout!

    @shane! don’t wonder what i stand to gain from what someone else stands to gain from giving another pleasure! it’s all in the mind! hehe!

  • I thank you for this post, but I think we should also introduce the “report” feature.
    Novisi´s idea could have been good, but it is so sickening and very disrespectful to name people´s names. Why does she or he not give in her / her own name. I think the Owner of this blog should erase this comment, or ban this user this forum.
    Let us present our afican sexuality with respect. No matter some times Afrian sexuality is termed perverse!!

    I would be grateful to Nana if she reacted to this cause.

  • @Nina – Hi and thanks for reading the blog. I hear your concerns about the personalities mentioned in Novisi’s comments. Its a tough one. On the one hand I do moderate the comments but its very ‘light’ moderation – I try to provide space for people to express themselves although I do not always agree with their choice of expression. Maybe as this blog grows I will need to come up with some ‘blog etiquette for Adventures’ and your feedback will definitely be borne in mind

  • @Nina, I think this is in the category of fantasy… making the object of fantasy relevant. I think it’d be wrong to censor this. Or, moderate this out of existence. If it were masquerading as reportage, that would be a different matter. That is the distinction I see.

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