It’s been four months, one week and two days. I’ve been craving, having vivid dreams, praying, begging God to make the months move a little faster. God, has it only been four months, one week and two days?
It’s been four months, one week and two days. I can’t believe that I’ve done it. It’s been four months one week and two days, I can’t believe I’m still doing it. I feel a sense of achievement, blended with a sense of loss and grief. Simple, senseless, self torture. It’s been four months, one week and two days since I last had sex or more accurately since my husband left me and I decided to abstain from sex. (Come to think of it, I haven’t had it for more than four months , but you never really make a mental note of the last time you bedded your husband when your whole world is crumbling around your ears.)
Now for some people, not having sex may not seem like a big deal. But for me, a person who’s enjoyed it and has been a willing, proactive participant for more than fifteen years this is a huge deal. For years, I depended on sex like an alcoholic depends on his daily poison of choice. Without sex, I’d get depressed, irritable and downright unpleasant to be with. My husband and I at our peak had sex every single day for years. At our worst, once every two weeks. Sex is a big deal.
So why put myself through this? I wanted clarity. I wanted to fix my head and my heart by denying my body. Above all, I wanted to be a better Christian; learn to focus on other things. Enjoy pure, wholesome relationships. Yep, I was turning over a new chapter in my life. My husband had consumed me for thirteen years of my young life. Sex had consumed us even more so. What better way to move on than to turn my back on the very things that had become a crutch. Oh yes, freedom and new beginnings…
Then walks in Temptation. Minding my own business on a night out with the girls, a guy spots me. I ignore him. He walks over. I ignore him. He talks. I ignore him. He really talks and smiles. Oh that smile. I pretend to ignore him. We kiss. I can’t ignore him.
I’ve vowed to stay celibate for one year. That’s twelve months, 365 days and google tells me a total of 8766 whole hours! I’ve abstained for four months, one week and two days. I have seven months, three weeks and five days remaining.
But Temptation is here now and he’s dressed so smartly, and smells so delicious. And that smile, oh that smile…
7 comments On Guest Contributor Ms A on Celibacy, Temptation and Sex
Ms A, This is a fantastic post which in a new way continues the conversations on this blog about the pros and cons of abstinence/celibacy.
There is a part of me that wants to say “give in to Temptation” and there is another part that thinks “hold on to your celibacy goal”. The advantage with the latter is that you would have proven to yourself that you are not fickle and when you make a goal you stick to it. Okay, I have convinced myself, stick to your goal
Many thanks for your contribution
hmmm temptation is roving looking to trap you, engulf you and then consume you unless… Unless you ignore temptation and discover temptation 2 and 3 and 4 and 5.
That way you can pit the temptations at each other, remain celibate and enjoy the affections of the tempters.
Katherine Hepburn (A woman ahead of her time) said “If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married”..
Best way to remain celibate, have multiple admirers whom you flirt with.
Thanks for an interesting post.
But isn’t life too short to deny yourself sex? Can’t clarity coexist with the occational sleep-over?
@BrownAangel Interesting Hepburn-quote. Is that all marriage is?
Truly, the temptation is always there and I have come to believe that, hey u know what, I am going to have to allow my poor self to be loved and be made love to. (I in my mid twenties and still a virgin though)Soon to be married, but I am going straight ahead to enjoy it with him before our marriage.
The thing is that, well I am glad I abstained all this while but probably if I knew about the genuineness of my boyfriend way back, then I would have slept with him. but even now, well anything can still happen and that’s why after such a long time of waiting I am thinking ‘enough is enough’.
Great post, by Mrs A. Do you have a blog?
About the comments, that quote by Katherine Hepburn does not sound, to me, like the words of anybody ahead of her time. The quote, to me, points to a temporal (as in time-related) maladjustment. But that’s just little me.
But, Mrs. A, great post on the power of temptation.
Thanks for all your comments. Temptation lingers and I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. I decided to make the vow when I was in a really bad way and men had become the antiChrist. But as the months move on and I find myself home alone one too many times and in desperate need of affection when one issue overlaps another, I’m kinda wishing I just had someone to spend my nights with…
However that often leads to bedding the wrong person and adding more issues and isn’t the healthiest way of sorting things out. We’ll see
I vote for waiting…
The time might allow you re-discover and be consumed by yourself for a bit.
I’m going to take another ‘Oprah pill’ and suggest you talk to him about it.
Fufilling your goal cannot do harm to your self-esteem; boost your confidence in your ability to see a promise (esp. to yourself)through. Sex is still going to be waiting and wonderful in seven months, three weeks and five days…maybe even more so after such a long fast 😉
So go ahead, tell temptation to get in line behind you and God.