A few weeks ago I started going out with this incredibly hot guy.
Beautiful eyes and smile, insane body, amazing skin; the works. Aside
from his pleasing-to-the-eye looks, he’s also a sweetheart. He’s
surprisingly unassuming and I just feel comfortable around him. I was
floating high on “new crush fumes” until last week when we had sex.
Disappointment does not even begin to scratch the surface of what I
felt during and afterwards. Firstly, let’s just say our friend is not
well-endowed. This is something I’m not too used to but I was willing
to work with it if he was. Well he wasn’t. It was the type of sex
where the man think a perfunctory squeeze of your breasts is enough to
get you in the mood. After guiding him to my clitoris, he rubbed for
all of three seconds before asking me “Did you come?” I almost burst
out in disbelieving laughter. He then came another 5 seconds later.
I’ve felt many things after sex but angry was a first for me. Was this
man joking? All of that fineness wasted so disappointingly? To top it
all off, he had the cheek to ask me if I came again and whether I
enjoyed myself. I unflinchingly told him “NO” I hadn’t come but I just
didn’t have the heart to out and out tell him that I most certainly
did NOT enjoy myself. (It’s those eyes I tell you. I’m a sucker for
pretty eyes.)
I’m sure he knew I wasn’t feeling the sex at all but he said nothing
else and neither did I. I could completely understand him coming
quickly the first time, but after the 4th? I’m now not sure what to
do. This relationship is nothing too serious yet but good sex is a
MUST. I’ve tried dropping extremely heavy hints about him making me
come (I don’t do pretend orgasms), but to no avail. I’m now just
wondering how a man gets to 30 without bothering to please his woman.
I think he suffers from the “pretty-boy disease”. You know the one-
he’s so good looking that he’s never had to try to keep a woman
because they’re always happy to have him on their arm.
I feel bad because he really is a nice guy and I like him quite a lot.
He’s also a great kisser, which is a huge plus. I think it’s all of
these things that make it all so disappointing.
So what now?
11 comments On Guest Contributor Adwoa on : ‘What to Do When Your New Man is Crap in Bed?’
I agree. Good sex is a must. You have to tell him, not in a mean way, but as gently as possibly. Tell him what he needs to do to make you come. If he’s not willing to listen or do it, let him go. It’s a new relationship so neither of you are too invested in it, and besides, life is too short to fake it.
Ladys , ladys , ladys , kinda brings back some memories , i was so i was told ( didn’t know it then ) good looking , i guess some would say handsome.being 56 now i have learned quite a bit , but the one thing i learned was i was very shy. at 18 still a virgin ….. never as much as seen a girls breasts.
One very big misconseption I find is that ladys think most or all boys know all about sex and everything , especially if he is good looking. the honest truth is some of us do not.
So if you want more from him … tell him , be honest and up front , you may even have to show him …… depending on his sex education …. it just may be he has had none.
A lot of men have too big ego’s and do not want to be told the truth : YOU SUCK IN BED. Also, in Ghana, a lady who shows her man how to make love to her is “spoilt”. Sweetheart, you’ll have to determine if he, your man, would take offense at being told the truth or he’ll listen, learn and not judge. decision is yours to take
Whats all this about being gentle when addressing this situation? Ladies, guys can take it and are better off by hearing exactly what you mean and not necessarilly in a nice way. The best solution to this is having an honest conversation with the guy without any hesitation. He is lazy and probably hasnt every thought about pleasing a woman. Do him the favor and let him know.
This guy NEEDS your help! Girl, tell him. In fact u missed a nice opportunity when he first asked to tell him his sex sucks. I would have been so pissed off it would have been hard to be polite. I think in the still and the calm its harder to say and easier to be misunderstood in this case. Please just say it straight, he probably does have pretty-boy syndrome. But do u wanna drop your lovely pretty boy because of past girls mistakes?! Tell him!
Yeah tell him. But also show him? I’m assuming you’re not just layin’ there and expecting him to work some magic. Put the moves on him girl…do womankind a favour and school this gentleman. Also maybe some toys in bed to help things along? If he’s open that is. Good luck!
It all depends on who he is, what your worth is to him, and what he considers the relationship he has with you. Another is: what exactly you consider good sex. You started off by bemoaning his size, which suggests you may have entered the act already assuming the sex would be bad. If we start things with prejudices and preconceived notions about things, it’s nearly impossible for us to give partners a fair assessment. Before he did anything, you’d already compared him to everyone before him.
Now about him: if he’s used to thinking so highly of himself, he might not care nor have cared about what his previous partners needs were- as you alluded to. Secondly- and something that ties into the first- if he thinks highly of you, he would be considerate enough to explore to see what works for both of you. Lastly, if to him, you’re a temporary thing, or he has no plans for anything serious, then his posture might not change, and he’d always be selfish in bed.
It’s also possible he doesn’t know what to do in bed- even at 30! A lot of men are too ashamed to admit his lack of skills. In the same way he might use his looks and aloofness to hide his ignorance and inexperience, you’re equally lacking in making those age-old assumptions that being endowed should mean good sex is in the offing.
Sit him down on a bed naked (both of you)… then slowly show him what you like and what works for you. Take it from this man: men- the right men- love to know they got you to come. It’s often far better than them coming, which to them, is often a given. And he’ll want to do it again, and again, and again just so he can see how he repeatedly got his woman to quiver and pulsate. Talk. Keep your preconceived notions outside the door. Have fun exploring!
I think its not easy to tell a man that he ain’t that great in bed…but i do think (in general) we (ie women) have to be more directive in bed. So say for e.g. ‘I want you to go down on me’. ‘No, don’t put it in yet’, etc It feels uncomfortable just before you say it (whatever you want) but once you do the results tend to be worth it.
I was almost 2 years in a relation with an handsome guy of 32, and when I read your post is like I could have written it… exactly the breast touching to get you in the mood, then the clitoris for 3 sec, and you seem to be ready.
This guy was nice and smart, and want to commit, then I tried my best, I’ve told him in a sweet way, offered him some books “how to make love to a woman”, and offered myself the same book for men,…, long talks on bed, but nothing worked properly, the guy didn’t change. He had a high opinion of himself, good job, beautiful car, and doesn’t cheat…
But I tried, and it became worst and worst, because I was expecting more, and I started to be so frustrated, so I broke up…
just to tell you that you need to talk to him, and help him and guide him, like you said, be more directive and maybe, maybe it will work.
(by the way, sorry for my english, I’m a french speaker)
I think you’ll find that it is females that are crap in bed.
What makes things worse is there is nothing else that a female can provide so what is the point of women??????
some people lack the passionate nature you may be looking for. size or no size with no passion and desire…you won’t get that thing cookin’. you can’t coach passion but you can at least put it out there