Sleeping with your best friend’s ex boyfriend…

Historically there have been some categories of people that I thought it was completely out of the question to date/hook up with:

* My friend’s ex
* The friend of an ex
* The brother (sister or any relative) of an ex
* Someone who liked my friend first (before deciding that he liked me)

As far as I was concerned it was nothing short of treachery for any friend of mine to date my ex. I remember and my group of college friends and I ostracising a mutual friend who started dating my ex boyfriend. We were so mean to her and eventually the guy in question did not treat her much better.

At a party in Accra several weeks ago I realised how incestuous many relationships had become.

A had just told me that he fancied B (B and I are fairly close) but A used to date one of my friends and until that announcement A had been confusing me by giving me ‘extra-friendly’ vibes.

D and E had been canoodling (E is part of a larger circle of people I hang out with. We are cool but not tight) but I had been canoodling with D only a few months previously. Oh and some weeks afterward I found out that D and my cousin had kissed!

Z and I have a bit of a vibe between us but Z has a girlfriend.

My current hook up (at the time) was at the party but who knew who else he was hooking up with?

Its bloody incest” I thought!

This got me wondering. “Are these social rules around whom we date/sleep with realistic?” “Are our social circles so small that its virtually impossible not to commit ‘incest’ “? “Do I have any right to get upset if my friend dates my ex or a guy I fancy?” “Is it a crime to sleep with your best friend’s ex boyfriend?”

13 comments On Sleeping with your best friend’s ex boyfriend…

  • Reminds me of a “sex & the city” episode. Too funny.
    Get a crew and put together a reality show starring “A” to “Z”. With cameos by your ex and the chick from college.

    I have similar standards but broke it once. (much pressure, plus I’m so weak).
    For me, its all about self respect.

  • Signs of our time? 😐 Well, the world is getting smaller.

  • @ Mike – You only broke ‘the standards’ once! You’re a far better person than many of us 🙂

    @David – Charle the world is beyond small right now. Its minuscule. I just found out that my lover’s cousin is my cousin’s cousin who I went to school with and we have so many other connections but I’ll be outing people if I continue so…

  • Does it apply if a hook up is passed on a best friend? Technically it is not incestuous but in the same region of uncool.

    Fan comment: Anytime you see the number of views on your posts, know that I’m reading and I’ve told my girlfriend about your blog. 🙂

  • oh nooooooo. Far from being a better person. lol
    I just look at it like this…. there isn’t a shortage of women on this planet. Why does it have to be this particular one?

    BTW, I think I jinxed myself by talking about this. That number almost went up to 2. Caught me off guard & had to lie my way out this morning.

  • This never happened to me somehow. However one of my best friends is now dating this girl that he’s known for ages. Before he started a relationship with her this year though, he had tried to hook her up with two of our friends in the past few years but they only ended up in short-lived relationships.

    Needless to say he was nervous about dating her himself when the girl told him she was into him. But all our guys said they were cool with it so they’re quite happy now. I think this kind of thing is much easier for guys to deal with. What do you all think?

  • Not to be sweated. The pool of eligibles isn’t infinite… why not try your hand at the chance of being happy with someone vetted by a friend. your friends presumably have good taste, right?

  • @Bright – Oh i love it when guys tell their girlfriends about the blog, thank you! Does passing a hook up on a best friend mean “you passed the person you were hooking up with TO your best friend?”

    @Mike – Go on, say more….

    @Nikoi – I’m not a guy but I think its very sweet that its working out for them. I think it was brave of the woman to tell him that she’s into him, especially as they have been friends for such a long time. Does that mean he was also into her and didn’t say anything?

    @Kofi – Oh you’re incorrigible! Hehehe, but guess you and your friends may even have similar tastes but wait isn’t that what makes people paranoid so for e.g. some women may feel uncomfortable if their single friends are around their husbands. My reaction to that is ‘why the paranoia’ but it looks like we are saying there is valid cause for paranoia

  • @ Kofi: Sometimes (like now), I wonder if its really you. LOL. Yes, I have you categorized. In a box. In a certain class.

    @ Nana: I am that easy to read huh? u right. I have a lot to say too.
    For starters, I make the women I date feel like they are walking on angelic clouds. i enjoy that ride too. When the relationship expires, all that I did was real so i’d hate for someone else to be able to tell an ex that “he did the same thing with me too”. I take pride in being original.
    The young lady I broke that standard with got kinda weird on me in the early stages. Lady #1 gave Lady #2 details of all we did and that was a mistake. When Lady 2 and I started rolling, she was all “she said you took her here. Take me there.”
    Now, Lady #2 introduced me to Lady #3 about 4 years ago and Lady #3 has been doing some work for me since then, long distance. Haven’t seen her since that first day we were intro’d but we talk business often plus that light flirtin now and then (don’t judge me). I wouldn’t recognize her in a line up even if i were paid to do so.
    I get a call out of the blue, she is coming to a city near mine in a few days. I had to lie and bail out of that one quickly.
    Sad part is I slipped & promised I’ll make it up to her. I hate making promises cos I kill myself to keep them.
    My least favorite number this week is 2.

  • @Mike, what’s “me”, and in what box and class do I live in.

  • @Nana – I strongly believe that he’s always been into her to some extent. He’s always admired her qualities as an ideal Ghanaian woman. The kind you take home to your mother you know? 🙂

  • @ Kofi; The class of mature & intelligent analysts.
    I’ve learned much from your point of view.

  • @Nana, distinction I would make is between dating an ex and poaching a current… The latter, I don’t recommend.

    @Mike, you’re too kind. But maybe you’re right on the mature front in that the older one gets, like the older sleeping dog that has to see a real threat arise before it stirs itself, the less the purely emotive seems to matter.

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