Do you really care what size the person you’re having sex with is?
Let me give you a brief background into why I set up a poll to ask your opinion on this. By the way the poll is on the right hand side of the home page of the site (just below popular posts so please take some time out to answer the poll).
I was chatting to two of my girlfriends (in separate conversations) a few days ago and all of us were stressing about the amount of weight we had put on. I was complaining that in the past week I had gained a kilo which is sitting around my waistline (add that to the 2 kilos I was supposed to have lost and now I’m 3 kilos heavier than I want to be at my heaviest!) Gifrlfriend 1 was stressing because she’s going to be hooking up with her ultra fit lover in a number of weeks and she’s not happy at all with her body. Cue copious amounts of green tea and an extreme diet. Girlfriend 2 said she definitely does not want to take off her clothes in front of her boyfriend and just wants to wear her most comfy pajamas and get under the covers. This is in spite of her narrating a scenario after a period of weight gain during which her boyfriend affirmed his love for her body by saying, “Your boobs looked hot before, and now they look even hotter”.
So of course I am trying to play the rational friend (in spite of my own weight neurosis) and said to Girlfriend 1 “Ah, don’t worry, he won’t even notice that you have put on weight. Guys don’t notice these things in the midst of action. We are the ones who get super conscious”. “Really?” said Girfriend 2. “Really” I said. I said the same thing to Girlfriend 2. Her response, “Yes, but you know all these rational thoughts don’t make a difference to how we feel?”. “True”, I thought.
So I had a conversation with one of my good male friends. “So does it really make a difference what size the woman you’re having sex with is”. His response “Yes, of course it does. I don’t like to sleep with a woman who is less than a 10 (he is referring to UK dress sizes. A UK size 10 is an American 6), my preference is a 12 on top and a 14 on the bottom. At a size 16 I would say you need to stop eating those pies and an 18 is really scraping the bottom of the barrel”. I have to confess that his response made me laugh but then also made me think “Oh no, do guys really care about size when they’re having sex with you”? “Is this part of the reason why women have so many body neurosis?” The logical part of my brain says to me that confidence (and body confidence) and a sex positive attitude is what is most sexually attractive but the illogical part of my brain is reluctant to reveal my bloated tummy in all its glory.
What are your thoughts on the subject? Please also take some time to answer the poll on the right hand side
16 comments On Do you really care what size the person you’re having sex with is?
I think that guys do care about the size of the person they have sex with- i for one do. It is both an aesthetic and pragmatic concern. Methinks the best sex happens when both parties are physically in sync, and being that gravity rules here on earth, there is only so much one can do if there is a distinct mismatch in sizes of both people (except, of course, u r having sex in the International Space Station or on Pluto :D). Also since it is said that men are sight beings, a third chin or an “extra tyre” in the midriff wont do a lot for his motivation (especially when he compares what he sees to the “perfect images of supermodels and TV stars in the catalogue of his mind supplied by today’s media). That havindg been said, there are guys who are decidedly attracted to XXL sized women. That, i can’t get my mind around. 🙂
@ Listener
You don’t have to get your mind around shit, you aren’t fucking them hence it’s none of your business.
As for me, having had sex with people that are skinny, fat and somewhere in between, I am a bit more partial fatter folks. That being said, I won’t dismiss a potential partner because they are too skinny.
@Omosi
Easy, it’s my mind. I dont understand it, that dont mean i dont respect their choices (and even admire the more committed of them). it’s just that i’m not wired like that (or at least i think i am not). Why are you so mad?
as much as some guys may say they do not care about what size the woman they are having sex with is like girlfriend 1 said…its all about what we think about ourselves during sex. I have never been more than a size 8 and even i feel self conscious but i would say most of the guys i have been with prefer slim and some-what skiny girls.
Okay this will sound crazy perhaps but I sure hope it matters! When I feel good about my body, which I do when I feed and exercise it well and stay a steady size 12(UK), then I want my partner to like, and appreciate, my body the way I do too. Now feeling good aboout your body is not rigid, maybe some day I’ll be a happy size 14 or 10, it’s more the sentiment than the size that I’m referring to. when you are in your ideal shape (not some norm out there mind you) then you want your lover to notice na!
This was really interesting to read…I think it is okay to have a certain “kind” of body type that does it for you whether it be super sized or super skinny and that’s okay…It’s really difficult to point out what it is about a person’s body (and mind) that “turns you on” but we should remember everyone feels nervous taking their clothes off. None of us are perfect – and we can’t spend forever stressing about that stretch mark here or bump there. If we thought we were being judged everytime we took our clothes off none of us would have sex and what a dry world that would be…
One of my male friends says I’m asking the wrong question and the question should be “Do you care if the woman you have sex with has gained/lost weight or not?”. So what do you think of this question? I’ll add it to the poll 🙂
Just weighing in, I am about a size 10 on top and a size 14-16 in my lower body (US sizes). I happen to be very curvy and muscular and carry my weight quite well. I recently decided to join a weight loss team and lost 10lbs and my husband began to complain, nervously asking me how much more I intended to lose.
He prefers a fuller figure and really cannot stand skinny women. He was never particularly attracted to them but he tried sleeping with one once and feeling bones etc while in the act has stayed with him like a truly traumatic life experience.
I also find that I am more interested in my shape than my size. I carry my weight well so even when I gain weight I prefer to focus on the foods that keep my stomach flat and then I just look curvy/sexy as all get out. If I gain a gut then I start to get upset. In my opinion that’s just not cute.
Actually I realised I couldn’t add Do you care if the woman you have sex with has gained/lost weight or not?” to the poll because that is an entirely different question so just share your thoughts on the question via the comments box instead
oh now thats a different scenario..because the guy you might be dating asked you out based on a number of things such as your body size, etc etc so when you gain or lose weight it might affect how they feel about you during sex. a very good said he wants his girl to lose weight but not on her butt or hip area. he feels more attracted to her with skinnier arms and a less puffy face. So yes i think they do care if the woman they have sex with has gained/lost weight.
I dont like excess weight. Not on me and not on my #1 lady.
A woman’s size is not a deal breaker first time we have sex. Doesn’t matter if she is skinny, big-boned, size 1, curvy or whatever. (what does “carries her weight well mean anyway???)
Amount of excess weight is what determines if she is worthy of that #1 spot.
Her size is what determines what kind of relationship we have. It could be the kind where my family, friends and co-workers know her, or the kind where only my car service driver knows her.
Why?
Because excess weight comes with more physical limitations and disadvantages than ideal weight does.
BTW, my definition of excess weight is anything over 15% of ideal weight. Where ideal weight is as shown on your doctor’s height-weight chart.
Yet, you know what’s interesting?
I have a need for big-body women.
When I have the urge to serve a series of orgasms, I get the best results with big-body women.
When I need to be served my multiple orgasms, only small-body women have been capable of making that happen.
Mike your last 2 sentences caught my attention. So you are saying big body women climax more frequently than small bodied women?
What is it about the physique of a smaller woman that gives you more pleasure?
I thought men liked digging into flesh…and plenti of it.
In your experience is it easier for bigger women to climax?
@Listener – ‘physically in sync’ in terms of size? So 2 skinny people should be together, 2 obese people together etc?
@Omosi – Lol, Listener really pissed you off huh?
@missDee – Why do you feel self conscious as a size 8? That implies self consciousness has nothing to do with size so maybe we need to work on our heads instead of our bodies (or rather alongside our bodies)
@ MsAfropolitan – Yay I’m excited you commented. I agree with you that when you’re working hard to maintain your ideal figure you definitely want that effort to be recognised by your lover
@ She Rox Lox – Words of wisdom my sister. I like!
@ grateful – Please share which foods keep your stomach flat. That’s my problem area…
@missDee – I agree but I would be so mad if my lover lost interest in me cos I’d gained a little weight…if its tons I would kinda understand but I would hope by then their ‘love’ for me would have overshadowed my shell of a body…I dream!
@mike – My understanding of ‘carries her weight well’ refers to posture, body confidence and ability to inhabit body fully – dance, exercise, be physically active etc. Wow your need for ‘big-body’ women is interesting…you’re saying bigger women cum more easily from your efforts but you cum more easily when you’re with smaller women?
@Naa – Ditto!
Naa, I speak for myself only.
I’ve wondered why/how I’m able to make big-body women climax easier and more often than skinny-tinnies. Maybe the more there is on a woman to play with, the less focused I am on my one particular most pleasurable zone, thereby lasting much longer than usual for her to get hers. (However, there have been 2 big women I couldnt do jack to, no matter how much work I put in).
I have those moments where going buck-wild is all I have on my mind. Mama Thick’s world is where I find that solace. No holding back there. With skinny, I find myself worrying about crushing her frame.
The multiple options of what our trim bodies allow us to do together is the edge the smaller woman has, & gives me more pleasure.
From my very countable encounters, I have not noticed a pattern between a woman’s body size and her ease to climax.
@ Nana Darko- That’s my story.
Thanks MiKe!
I enjoyed the breakdown.
i do.For aesthetic and pragmatic concerns as Listener rightly said.I am now at my biggest at the brink of a uk size 12 n 73 kgs and i remember not feeling confidently about whether a long time “love” i was gonna recently meet may still find me desirlous.i felt it would only be right if he saw me again before i agreed to go out with him (not the only deciding but an essential factor nonetheless).
i find that i am generally attracted to the average tall, slim kinda guy (mind you not skinny or i would be worried about crushing the life out of them when i have to be d cow girl) and they usually do the trick except for carrying me for the rehearsing wedding photos lol.