Guest Contributor Ekuba: To Masturbate or not to Masturbate?

Yes ladies, we’re going there today! It’s the thing that everyone does but hates to talk about and I’m not referring to farting 🙂 Ok, I agree- not everyone does it. Take my big sister for example. She once confided in me that she had never masturbated before.

Before you get skeptical, let me explain. She was born with a terminal illness and she has spent most of her life in pain. Understandably, when your body is constantly in intense pain, stroking your genitalia may be the last thing on your mind.

Which brings us to the 65% of women & 90% of men who masturbate: (come on ladies is it really only 65% of us who masturbate? Hmmm!!!) Do you masturbate? Are you a rare, frequent or reformed ‘masturbator’? I used to play with myself routinely, but now that I’m dating my boyfriend, I can’t climax through masturbation. I enjoy his ‘shagging’ skills so much that masturbation doesn’t get me off anymore. Of course I’ve not told him this because his ego is huge enough as it is! Hehehe

How do you masturbate? I know that there are several ways women fondle themselves. Some gals push their thighs together very hard which squeezes their clitorises and helps them orgasm (my bff does this). Others, like moi, move their clits round and round with their fingers or use their fingers to repeatedly stab at their clits (Hahaha, ‘stab’). Some thrust their fingers or objects into their vaginas. I once read a book by Sidney Sheldon (bless his soul, he was such a naughty old man!) in which a woman was said to have climaxed using gushing water from a tap. I tried it- it didn’t work. What do you think about when you masturbate? A fantasy? Your last sexcapade? A porn flick? Someone you’d like to fuck?

Why do people hate to admit that they masturbate? Is it because masturbation is condemned by most cultures and religions? For centuries, people believed that masturbation caused madness, blindness, and other diseases.

Is masturbation a sin in your culture or religion? I’m a Christian (a very recalcitrant one who’s always praying for forgiveness). Although the Bible doesn’t specifically say ‘thou shall not masturbate’, most theologians believe that masturbation is not in line with God’s plan for sex.  My pastor once famously told our congregation that whenever you masturbate, you’re having sex with the devil. Afterwards, whenever I felt like touching myself, I imagined a black, two-horned creature with a pitch-fork leering at me. What a mood killer!

To masturbate or not to masturbate, that is the question! Do you think people should masturbate or not? Does masturbation negatively affect people and relationships?

41 comments On Guest Contributor Ekuba: To Masturbate or not to Masturbate?

  • @Ekuba – You and I must have read the same Sidney Sheldon book. I too have tried the ‘shower water’ technique – its pleasant but not the most effective technique. On the other hand positioning yourself just right in a jacuzzi is very nice indeed 🙂

  • @ Nana Darkoa: yes, yes!!!! i tried the jacuzzi thing once, in warm water. i have 3 words only: Oh my gawwwwwd….

  • I would have said I have never masturbated until you mentioned squeezing your thighs together to induce a climax constituted as masturbation. So I guess I have/do! It’s usually a happy accident though. I don’t generally set out to intentionally get myself off. My thighs just naturally rub together because they’re so friggin’ large.

  • @ Malaka: My friend just read your ‘friggin large thighs’ comment & has bn giggling since! She claims she has thunder thighs AND she gets off on the ‘thigh squeezing’ thing too so maybe a research should be conducted to see if there’s any correlation between ‘sumptious thighs’ and a propensity to squeeze em until climax? 🙂

  • One of the more wonderful things about being an infant is that you’re allowed to masturbate all you want… it’s when you start to tell people about how much fun it is to touch yourself that the powers-that-be shut you down. Sadly, the only other time I heard of folks being allowed to get off in peace by themselves, with themselves and for themselves, the lady involved had terminal Alzheimer’s…. It’s a shame that attitudes to self-pleasuring are so retarded…

  • @ Kofi: even some infants are not allowed to masturbate! (another time, i’ll introduce u to my granny & she’ll tell u how she rubbed 1 of my uncle’s dong with pepper as a kid so he wouldnt do masturbate!) about the lady with alzheimer’s- omg, what did her kids, grandkids, caretakers do while she masturbated? close the door & leave her 2 it or what? i’m fortunate that my mum doesnt have alzheimer’s but if she ever did & she started touching herself, hmmm, i’d feel a little bit awkward o 🙂

  • I masturbate frequently, mostly cos i can, lol, n cos i’m sort of a virgin(de only thing i’ve not done is sexual intercourse… n anal, of course, lol), its a selfish decision i took some years ago.
    Anyway, when i do, i usually play out some fantasies, the ones that excite me the most r:rape(non violent) being dominated completely- being called “whore”, “bitch” etc, rude, vulgar n offensive language in general (don’t ask me y, i’m still trying 2 figure it out)
    I think ladies shd n must masturbate, i’ve actually decided 2 talk 2 my daughters abt it when they get here…… i’m all 4 it!

  • @ pink: you’re not alone in having ‘domination fantasies’. most women have ’em & it usually has nothing to do with havin bn abused- one theory is that bcos women r raised 2 b ‘good girls’ who don’t fuck etc, they fantasize abt being ravished bcos then they’d get 2 have sex but not have 2 take the ‘blame’ 4 it & so their ‘purity’ would be kept intact! ironic, i know. in other matters… if you’re going to be thaaat open-minded then your daughters will be really lucky o! 🙂

  • Thank God i’m not alone, i was beginning 2 get scared, lol.
    I think if our parents will be more open-minded abt sex, ladies especially, would be better off pleasuring ourselves when growing up, rather than depending on a guy who probably doesn’t know anything abt sex 2 give us pleasure.

  • @ Malaka

    ohhhhhh miiii gosh!!! iDIIIIIIIE! Dammmmn! Wat?! You 2 funny!

  • Ekuba, I’ll pass on the intro to your granny, she sounds too kinky… 🙂

    Plain child abuse, if you ask me. How does such a kid grow up to have a positive attitude toward sex after this traumatic beginning.

    My friend at that point was in a residential facility for terminally-ill folks, most of the people around her were professionals who knew how to handle the situation. Her son was kept fully apprised of what was going on. Mostly it was handled on a very professional basis that fully accorded her a full measure of dignity.

  • I have masturbated since age 10 and it has continued into adulthood (age 40) and even marriage. I started masturbating even before I could ejaculate. When I first started I would climax without any ejaculation. I usually play with my penis until the feeling at the tip becomes so intense that I climax. Some times this is accompanied by fantasising about someone I fancy. I feel masturbation may be having a negative effect on me. because I masterbate almost every day and sometimes twice a day and on each occassion I ejaculate sperms. Costantly releasing sperms on a daily basis in this way could have some effect on the body although I don’t know. When I was younger I used to be very clever at school and my brain was very sharp but by the time I got to uni I was struggling to do well academically and now It seems to have got worse. Sometimes I wonder whether that could be one of the reasons for this but I don’t know. Anyway I am just being curious. I seem to be addicted to it although I have tried several times to stop it I can’t. I guess with women you don’t have to be constantly ejaculating protein from your body when you do this so it can’t have any such effect on you. What do people think? Is there any basis for me thinking this way?

  • Oh Kwaku, Kwaku, Kwaku.

    All that nonsense that men believe about expelling protein from the body. Don’t you know what any unreleased sperm just dies in the body? You don’t use it so please do not believe that you are doing your body any harm. In fact, studies – reported by the BBC no less – show that you could greatly reduce your risk of prostate cancer by regular masturbation, as chemicals build up in the body from the storage of too much sperm.

    However I will say that as with all things, when it becomes a habit that is taking you away from living a full life them perhaps you should consider cutting down or stopping for a while or even – dare I say this – replacing it with another habit. You mention that you used to be smart and you feel a bit dull now, perhaps it’s not masturbation per se but the time you spend on it?

    Note though that if you’re going to have sex with someone you should try to use protection. STDs and STIs can increase your risk of testicular and prostate cancer.

    So break out that bottle of lotion, pull on a gym sock and go to town, brother.

    Peace and Cum,


  • Kwaku, here is that link:

    As for the other thing, I am married, have children and there has never been a time I stopped masturbating. If anything, I have found better ways to do it. And there is nothing sexier than a man who will get himself off because he knows it gets you off, you know?

    When I turned 21 or so, I learned to lie on my back and masturbate. Before that I was a strict tummy girl. I’d curve all four of my fingers upwards touching myself through my dress until I could feel the wetness seeping through, then I’d touch myself through my pants (because I’d be so slippery that I’d have to use the pants for friction), then after a while, I’d transfer the excess juice to my mouth and have a bit of a drying off. Moving my pants aside after that, I would finally allow my fingers direct contact with my clit. From them it was all over in minutes or even seconds.

    I suppose I was a tummy girl because I lived at home and it was the best way not to get caught (there were no locks). But after I moved away, I became the ‘girls who splays’ – clit to the air, the freedom of space around my fingers, feeling the juices running down the cleft of my buttocks. Oh! Bliss!

    My habits have changed again. Where I used to consider my vagina a no-go area, I don’t mind slipping a few fingers in as I twiddle my clit. I suppose the taboo disappears once the virginity goes away.

    But all in all, it’s all goooooooooooooood.

  • @Nnenna WOW, kinky!

  • Actually the man is correct about men losing their strength from masturbation, at least if it’s done too frequently. Even, I’m afraid, about the brain power! I’ll try to get you all a link that speaks all about that in a little while.

    I myself, also started masturbating before I could ejaculate. I still wonder if it was a natural habit. My earliest sexual thoughts must have come from soft-core porn magazines that used to come to Botswana from (apartheid) South Africa. Also our local television station in the eighties used to have some movies marked AV (adult viewing) on the schedule, and as you can imagine, kids used to try by all means to make sure that their parents didn’t know an AV movie was coming on later, to ensure that the children would be watching unsupervised!

    I remember one movie called P.E.T.S. that I came across once and the woman was fondling her own bare breasts. Back then it was only white people that were ever depicted doing anything sexual on TV, and the sight of her breasts made me feel what I now recognize as arousal. It was strange because until then, I had been used to seeing black women’s breasts while they were feeding their children etc. Now here was this white woman, seemingly getting some naughty enjoyment (judging by her expressions) from feeling her own breasts. It was quite taboo in those days to see white peoples’ nipples in any media. In the magazines they used to put stars on them!

    Which brings me to my method. One tme at school, an older boy made fun of someone saying they hump their pillow. That must have been the very same day I ‘discovered’ masturbation, not with my hand as many males do, but by humping a pillow.

    I went away to a boarding school for high school when I was 13. One day one of the boys left, I think a Playboy, magazine next to his bed and I was pretty much alone in the dormitory. So I took the liberty to page through it and ended up masturbating on my bed. I realised that I didn’t have to use a pillow. Just grind away against the mattress, fully clothed mind you (unless I was wearing something with a zipper) then get up and go on with my daily life.

    Some of my classmates were quite a horny bunch of boys. They used to feel on girls butts and boobs right in the middle of class (when the teacher wasn’t there). Some of their conversations would be to ask each other, ‘would you fuck so and so?’ , going through a whole list of girls we knew in the school (even teachers). It was in those days that I got into a habit of masturbating daily; every night before I went to sleep. Sometimes I did it even so I could fall asleep when I heard that sexual release has that effect.
    You may have guessed what was on my mind (beautiful girls and women I knew). Mind you it wasn’t EVERY beautiful girl who made the right candidate for a ‘fantasy’. It had to be a certain type of female, some of the beautiful girls had this air about them that made me ‘respect’ them too much to imagine boning them. Eg. remember the two lady characters in the movie Boomerang? One of them had a slutty type personality, and the other was more… shall I say ‘clean cut’, so I respected the one and fantasized about the other.

    An unfortunate thing happened to me, probably during my first week of boarding school. I used to masturbate in the way that I described, under my blankets at night, hoping that my roomate couldn’t see what I was doing! The sperm would be released in my underwear, or whatever I was wearing. I would sleep like that. In the morning when we got to the showers there would be a whole crowd of boys waiting to use the showers. The showers were not divided into cubicles so it was like a line of youths standing side by side under a row of showers. The effect of that was that many of us, younger boys especially, used to shower with our underwear on, to avoid being laughed at for being too small.

    I remember that after a shower, I was always too impatient to wait my turn at the wash basins, so I could brush my teeth, and wash my underwear, like the other boys did. Within a short while, I ran out of clean underwear to change into and so ended up just wearing my school clothes over a wet pair of underwear from the shower.

    During that first week I developed a tiny rash like cluster of pin-head sized lesions (which i now recognise as Pearly Penile Papules, from the net) encircling the crown of the head of my tool. The way I saw it, and still wonder, it was from that gel that my semen dried up into in my underpants, or from rubbing myself against a dry surface… I never could tell anyone about those ‘sores’. I guess that’s one thing that prevented me from having a girlfriend when I grew up, and I was also quite a reserved person growing up. When the other boys, even those who I was friends with (we were the least ‘popular’) used to go out and mess with the girls on weekend nights. I could often be found alone in the dorms…

    Those lesions appeared so fast that I believed that the day I stopped masturbating, they would disappear; just as quickly… I never did stop masturbating.

    Even at home during school holidays, I used to wish and wish to be alone in the house so i could catch a quick wank. Mind you, back then I didn’t consider myself to be wanking, because I wasn’t using my hand. And that’s not to say that the house had to be empty. I could just shut myself in my room for a few minutes and look at pictures of women in magazines as i lay on the bed facing down. Lingerie adverts, female celebrities, women in mini-skirts (it didn’t even have to be a girly magazine), used to make up my visuals. And at night in the dark before I fell asleep I would create images in my own head to get off on.

    I remember an era when popular music videos started to get raunchy. I had already got into the habit of recording all the movies or t.v. shows that had sexiness in them so I could play them back and pause them, or play them in slow motion when I was alone as I got off. Music videos used to be played all night until morning. Sometimes I would stay up all night waiting for the ‘good’ ones. Other times I would just leave a tape in the machine and come back later to see if I had caught the ‘Rump Shaker ‘ video, etc.

    I went through a change when I turned 20. I ‘became’ a Rastafarian. If you have a bible, read Leviticus Chapter 15. One of my brethren in the faith showed me that passage, and i used to have to avoid masturbating on Fridays, so that I could be clean to go for service on the sabbath. I felt extremely guilty about my habit (although, since childhood, I had always considered it a sin and initially used to pray God to forgive me. Maybe until the day I read the word ‘intercourse’ in the Bible and stopped reading it because I was ashamed from being aroused from reading the Bible). Anyhow, from age 20 (1996) onwards I started putting in great effort to quit the habit. It was only in 1999, that I decided that if I ever wanted my ‘skin condition’ to heal I would have to stop masturbating for at least six months. I had read somewhere that ‘banana-shape and some other anomaly of the penis usually corrects itself after 6 to 12 months. I considered myself as having ‘banana-shape’ for some reason.

    I succeeded! I even went for longer than a year without masturbating. In those days I wouldn’t even watch when people were kissing on television.

    One day, during the year 2000, on World Environment Day, I went to a local school to see a musical production put on by the children of the school. Don’t ask me why I mention that, but I clearly remember that part of the day. The same night while I was watching television, ‘The Thong Song’ came on. I always used to change the channel when that song came on. That night i decided to stop fighting the feeling and watch. By the end of the night I had started masturbating again.

    Might I add that my ‘skin condition had never gotten any better. Also I had managed to muster up the courage to show the lesions to a doctor. I told him how i thought I got them from masturbating, and he said he didn’t think that was possible. Mind you I never told him HOW I masturbated.

    The night that I broke my abstinence, something strange happened. I started getting the pain. It’s an excruciating pain; like a powerful urge to pass urine. The only problem is that even if I do go to the toilet, a few minutes later the urge returns again; like an emergency call of nature…

    After the guilt of that night, and perhaps because of the memory of the pleasure, I became addicted to masturbation again. Although it wasn’t as bad as before. I could go for a week, two, three or more without masturbating, but feeling very guilty about it when I did.

    One time I read an article on the net about how sexual feelings are most pronounced when a man is between 25 and 45 years of age. In those years, it is said that a man might do things that even children wouldn’t do. In other words my ‘year of strength’ when i abstained for a year, was BEFORE I reached my ‘peak’ in terms of desire!

    Masturbation is probably my biggest problem today. Being a Rastafarian, I strive to be as spiritual a person as I can be, and well behaved. So this habit is like a shame to me that sometimes even makes me to doubt my own authenticity. As a result when I do masturbate, I usually repeat it and it goes on for the whole night. Using images of women from the net, magazines etc. (which I always throw away after, or delete the pictures from the computer to protect my ‘reputation’). Then I have to clean up (see Leviticus 15). Then I am too tired to do any work.

    Even when I started writing this, I thought it would be a short comment. I will look for the link and comment some more if I have left anything out.
    Oh! yeah. I was going to say masturbation is a problem for me because after doing it all night, I am usually unable to hit the studio in the morning (I am a self-taught artist). As you will see in the link later, apparently artists and sportsmen are the first to recognize the weakening effects of male masturbation. I too was a bright youth, especially academically. Might I add that I was no good at sports, very lethargic. Even at primary school I couldn’t complete a lap around the track without walking a little, something that I should think even girls could do. Who knows, maybe it was because of male masturbation. During my ‘year of strength’ I was able to run 7km, thrice every week during my active seasons. I still consider it to have been the best year of my life so far.

  • ‘What is masturbation…’ Link:

    Best article I’ve read on the subject.

  • @Zeebu, whats the scientific basis for the article you referenced on It appears to be a bit religiuos rather than scientific. Anyway thats the debate we can have to explore further.

  • @ Kwaku & Zeebu: obviously, I’m no medical doctor but I have never come across any scientific study that proves that frequent masturbation (under hygienic conditions & without harmful objects used) can cause any ailment. Then again, if you feel that you are going overboard with this masturbation thing, then it may be time to cut it out a bit. Often, cutting out something altogether is very difficult but replacing it with something is easier. So how about replacing all the ‘self-indulgence’ with bouts of with hot, satisfying sex which incorporates the fantasies you think about when masturbating huh? i’m sure your partner will be very pleased to benefit from this ‘transfer’ of passion!
    @ Nnenna: omg! have you ever considered writing erotic novels? i think they’ll sell out in a minute! i’m getting all steamy just reading all that… what?!!

  • I just popped by here because I remember a word I used above; ‘slutty’ and I think ‘sexy’ is more appropriate. There was a time when ‘sexy’ was my least favourite English word. Perhaps it still is…

  • @ Kwaku. The essence of the article I referenced is related to yoga, rather than religion.

    A central concept of yoga is the chakras, or energy centres to which different organs of the body are related. The study of chakras and yoga is a metaphysical science.

  • Zeebu: I just read the article on the link you provided and as intriguing as it is, i have to echo Kwaku. As you said yourself, the basis of the article is yoga which is a metaphysical science. As with all other metaphysical sciences, one needs to have a certain level of belief to accept them because unlike so called ‘straight out’ physical scientific theories, metaphysical theories have not yet been proven through physical, empirical & measurable evidence. All of us have certain beliefs stemmed in the metaphysical. For example, today, my pregnant friend was discussing certain principles of ‘supernatural childbirth’ (originating from charismatic christianity) and how it has helped barren women to conceive and achieve almost pain free births. Well, it seems to be suiting her well bcos she’s had a very healthy pregnancy but it would take a certain level of belief for me to accept her theory and whether or not i accept it, that’s fine. Do you feel me? So I think what most of us are asking for is scientific evidence in relation to masturbation as opposed to metaphysical evidence. Cheers!

  • @Ekuba stopping masturbation altogether is easier said than done because it is an additive behaviour and replacing it with bouts of hot, satisfying sex is although preferable it does not come that easy because it takes two to tango. It is not always that one finds a compatible sexual partner. For example when I was married my wife would not let me finger her let alone perform cunninglus on her. She also felt masturbation is dirty and felt disgusted any time she found me doing it so it was difficult to explore any varietions of love making with her. She was very conservative and I find many Ghanaian women of my age (in their 40s) are like that. However I have noticed younger Ghanaian ladies are more adventurous. May be it is because those who are attracted to older men who are like that but sometimes you don’t whether they are there for the long haul or just for a ride until they find someone nearer their age.

  • @ Kwaku: you are right, it takes two to tango! TThis was what i was trying to say to you: there are a lot of people who agonize that they are addicted to masturbation when in actual fact, the main problem is not that they cant stop masturbating but that masturbation is what they are using to make up for what they miss in their sex lives. Thus, when these same people get to have regular, satisfying & exciting sex, the masturbation reduces or stops. i know this bcos i used to be like that. i am so sorry that in your case, your wife appears to have more conservative views than you & so it’s difficult to get your sexual desires fulfilled. i dont believe though that women of her age are necessarily more conservative than we the younger women (i’m 27yrs). i just think that they sometimes appear more ‘prim & proper’ bcos they were raised up in an era where they were taught to act like ‘ladies’. however sex is inherent and so i believe that within every person is a flame that’s waiting to be ignited! Kwaku, do you think you can start by finding out from your wife, the specific things she wants during sex? (barring psychological issues stemming from rape etc, i’m sure she likes sex too!). you should make sure you do as much of those things she likes as you can. maybe, she’s not so much into sex bcos she has so much to do @ home! in that case maybe if you helped her out more, she’d be ‘in the mood’ more. After you make sure she’s fully enjoying sex, you can then gently introduce her to what you also like. be frank with her & let her know this is important to you & she’ll take it seriously. i’m sure it wont be easy starting all this now, but don’t u think being honest with her is better than getting those feelings satisfied elsewhere?(thru masturbation for example). And, more seriously, if you’re not getting fully satisfied thru sex, you’re very vulnerable to cheating & that’s not good at all! what do you think?

  • But the article isn’t purely based on metaphysics. The stuff about men losing essential nutrients from masturbation is based on science, wouldn’t you say? Or maybe its evidence that you want. I myself put it past an author that wise to tell us lies. Also it bewilders me why someone who seems to be in need of help would question such a helpful article which even helps to ease some of the guilt. I myself find it very helpful to free myself from guilt and to confront the issue with awareness; to discover if I REALLY enjoy masturbation, and to aspire to be ‘wise’, which surely takes time.

  • @ Zeebu: I admit that the article may be very wise indeed . i even went back and read it again just now! but, unfortunately, it still doesnt qualify as scientific evidence. when we say scientific evidence, it is not just someone saying that i have observed that doing ‘this’ causes ‘that’ without showing any tests he/ she has systematically conducted, displaying the results of those tests , analysing them & explaining them scientifically. scientific evidence means that studies have been performed on large groups of people & the results have been carefully gathered and analysed to see if there’s a correlation between a certain action & a certain result. with all due respect, even if the dalai lama or the holy father or aristotle says that they have observed that doing something causes another thing, their wise, holy, esteemed words would not qualify as scientic evidence unless it is backed by evidence of scientific studies which have been performed!

    the link that Nnenna posted above for example, discusses scientific evidence. large groups of men who masturbate (and others who dont) were studied. several medical tests were performed on them & the results of these tests were analysed to see if there is a correlation between masturbation and any sicknesses. the result was a resounding NO! infact, the scientist rather found out that masturbation reduces the risk of prostate cancer! so, until another study is done to disprove this conclusion, anything anyone says about masturbation causing diseases will be another piece of advice or at best an anecdote. As for the article helping people with their guilt, i’m happy if it does! i would also suggest that if someone feels guilty about masturbation, they should either free their minds & stop feeling guilty about it or they should try replacing masturbation with tantalising sex. it worked for me! 🙂

  • @Zeebu the fact that I am seeking answers doesn’t mean that I should accept an article on the internet to make me feel better when I am not entirely convinced that the conclusions in the article is not scientifically based. I would love it to be scientifically proven that masturbation has negative effect or not on the made body so that this matter will be unequivocally put to rest.
    @Ekuba I agree with your suggestions but it came too late. Hopefully If i do remarry then I will have the opportunity to try some of these things and hopefully it should last forever.

  • Nnenna…loool! I’ve been masturbating since i was small…i think most people do without realizing it! There are soo many things that get me off; squeezing my thighs together( i got thunder thighs too), rubbing my precious with my lubed hand(omg) and with the water thing folks, just turn on a shower-head jet to high pressure and aim straight at your clit…the sensation is teasingly amazing and trust and believe, you’re gonna wanna have way more showers than usual! This article has been really helpful because i know most people masturbate but would NEVER admit it. A few of my friends talk about it but even they get a bit uncomfortable when the conversation gets too detailed. Anyways i found out through personal experience that too much masturbation leaves you exhausted and may be depressing, but…a long leisure session of self love after a stressful day really is a well deserved treat i like to give myself at least once a week. Gone are the days when i was younger and guilt would eat me up; and no, my conscience isn’t dead, its realized that making yourself happy is not wrong so long as you’re not hurting yourself and others

  • @ Adjeley: hmm, so you have done what napoleon (ahem, myself 😀 ) couldn’t do right? (ie: getting off using a shower head, lol). yes o! there’s always the discomfort with talking about masturbation although it’s obvious that most about everyone either does it or has done it in the past. As for guilt, i found out that shaking the guilt off helps so much! i mean, i figured out i was going to ‘do it’ anyway so i would be better off enjoying every bit of it rather than beating myself up about it. And guess what? once i shook off the guilt, i realized that i dont even like doing it thaaat much (plus i’m really lucky that i’ve been getting some good sex to make up for it, hehehe!)

  • Well, I’ve been masturbating since I was 7. I think it’s very necessary for every woman to do so. It helped me develop my sexuality , allowed me to get to know myself and my body better,the things that got me hot and bothered. Generally I think masturbation is good and and helps you take charge of your sexuality and ultimately allows your partner to please you more. I must confess I still suffer with the guilt though. I’m 22 and a devout Christian. I’m celibate as well

  • @ Me, myself and I: Amen to that! (since you said you’re a devout Christian let me get out all my church terms, lol). About the guilt- why? i’m a recalcitrant christian 🙂 so i’ve probably forgotten my bible verses, but does it say anywhere that “thou shall not masturbate”? Yes, i think that masturbating has helped many women know what gets them going during sex. i wouldnt even have known it was possible for me to hv orgasms if i hadnt bn masturbating bcos initially, i just couldnt get orgasms thru consensual sex. kudos to you for getting your groove on girl!

    • If masturbation can be looked at in the context of ‘wasting of sperm’ then we can look at Genesis 38: 9-10.

      9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

      10 And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also.

  • @Ekuba, lol, you brought all your church terms for lil ‘ ole me? Anyway, I’m not sure if there is a passage directly concerning masturbation in the but I’ve been taught that anything sexual makes you impure. Anytime I masturbate I feel like God is looking down on me and shaking his head. I still enjoy it though. *sigh*

  • Me, myself & i, i get you totally. This week, i’ve been mulling over something my bff told me this week. She said: ‘everyone chooses which type of God to believe in, so i ask myself, why don’t people choose to believe in a God who doesnt condemn those who are kind and honest and loving and thoughtful to all persons and additionally, sometimes have some sensible fun (masturbate, drink wine, make love). why do several people choose to believe in a God who is ever ready to send people to hell for a million reasons but doesnt appear to care about the fact that there are several huge churches all over ghana who shut their doors each night while street children and kayaye sleep outside or about the fact that most churches spend half an hour taking at least 2 ‘collections’ every sunday but do not give their members even one a sachet of water to cool their thirst after church service?’ what do you think about my friend’s comment?

  • @Ekuba: I already do. Just do a google search for the name and remember, if you still want me to do that post, just let me know when.

  • Sorry, gave wrong email the first time around!

  • Omg, Nnenna, so it’s true!!!! you do write erotica! what a sexy job? how do people react when you tell them about your job? I think i should get a copy of your book and ask for your autograph, what do you think 🙂 PS: Your locs are really pretty (Nana D, you’ve got some competition!!! lol)

  • Well, a lot of people don’t know, but I’m going to need them to know soon because I’d like to think I write quality /quirky erotica that people (read Africans especially) shouldn’t be ashamed to read. And my collection is out soon.

    And on that note, it’s back to work for yours truly. No rest for the wicked, eh?

  • Personally the only guilt that comes to me relates to knowing that i am doing something bad but can’t help it. I must confess that i sometimes feel guilty after that 30 seconds feeling. To ejaculate, I have to be talking to someone about sex or anything that relates to love making to get ‘there’ using imagination.
    You realize that when you are making love to some ladies they slip a finger or two into the ‘industrial area’ to just rob the equipment. Is that also a form of masturbation and without that can they climax?

    @kwaku and the married who masturbate: Is sex appealing to you? Do you always satisfy your spouse? because i feel you can be stingy and possibly use sex to punish your spouses when you have other ways of satisfying yourself.

    • @ Yaw: we all have our personal moral codes & so some of us may be uncomfortable with certain sex acts. However, I don’t understand my people who don’t feel guilty after having sex with their girlfriends/boyfriends/partners but feel guilty after masturbating. Maybe it’s social conditioning?

      About the women that rub their clits during sex (including me)- In my own opinion no because I always considered masturbation to be a ‘solo agenda’. During sex, people touch different parts of themselves to maximize pleasure, some of my former partners (men)have given their dicks a stroke or two mid-sex (I don’t know why, to sustain hardness? to derive another sensation?), other people play with their own breasts/ nipples during sex (male & female) & some people rub their clits. I don’t really see all that as masturbation because it’s in conjunction with someone else. Others may disagree.

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