I have been propositioned by older men before. The last time it happened it was completely inappropriate, aside from the fact that I considered him to be a mentor he was also married. Recently one of the older men that I enjoy spending time with as a mentor professed his feelings of adoration to me and that he wanted to date me. The man is about 3-4 years younger than my father. Truth be told I do not find the man in the least bit attractive…I mean in the least. We had our first proper “non-business” related conversation and he jumped at the chance to drop hints that he could still get it up (he did it tactfully but I picked up on it) and then once I made the mistake of letting him know that I was still single he took his chance to ask me for a date. I immediately said NO, under no circumstances was I interested in a relationship with him and that I didn’t want to lose him as a friend. He said it was not fair not to at least explore the possibility. He surprised me with some gifts (including jewellery) and told me that he would not pressure me into a relationship. I have always been VERY independent, I don’t rely on men to get me anything in terms of material gifts unless we’re in a relationship and even then I only expect surprises on special occasions (this is something I started to change in my last serious relationship as I realised that I like to be surprised once in a while). Anyway I’ve had female friends who have happily “rinsed”* guys without having sex with them, one had a chap buy her a car, another a sat nav and clothes, another rent repayments…I always just laugh (somewhat bemused at how they managed to get all this stuff and also feeling a little perplexed as to whether my feminist values were somehow holding me back). I have now realised that I have had many opportunities to rinse men, as a business woman I come into contact with many powerful and wealthy men but I have never either wanted to take advantage of my feminine charms and sensuality nor felt the need to. But this situation has stumped me. I’m single, I know what I want, I enjoy his company and he clearly enjoys mine (with added extras) and I KNOW that the closest physical contact he’ll get from me is a peck on a cheek and a hug…so the question I ask you all then is…should I go ahead and let him spoil me for a short while whilst still maintaining our friendship?
Your thoughts please! 🙂
*rinsing a person is the act of accepting gifts from them based on the knowledge that they find you attractive but you will not cross a sexual line to receive these gifts nor is there any promise of sexual favours.
14 comments On Guest Contributor Lois Lagos: Should I let my older male mentor buy me gifts ?
Teehee! Thanks @SA_Girl….I’m thinking I’ll just go for it…I just don’t want him to get hooked on me you know! LOL!
lol, Lois is in a tight corner! Charley, I seriously doubt it when my female friends tell me they got big stuff from guys without sleeping with them or doing annnnything at all with them. Money aint cheap these days o & the guys are becoming smart lol! One of my professors wanted to date me & I had meant to ‘rinse’ him because I heard that women were doing that to him a lot. Sadly, by the time it got to my turn, he had wised up & while I was trying to get a new car, he was busily suggesting that we would be spending ‘next tuesday’ together (before he buys the car lol). Bottomline is that, there’s no free lunch & so sooner than later, you might have to pay more than a kiss & a hug! At the end of the day, do what you feel most comfy with. For me personally, I swore off dating men for money a bunch of years ago because it made me feel like a prostitute. I’m happier now because I can confidently hold my head up & say ‘everything I have I bought it’! lol & ‘I got here by God’s grace & my own hard work’. Cheers!
My main issue with rinsing a guy is the possibility of staying with him or feeling obliged to sleep with him in order to maintain a lifestyle that I wouldn’t be able to support on my own. It is tempting and no offence meant but to quote Lauryn Hill, “don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem.”
@Lois Lagos – I’m with the ‘don’t do it’ crowd 🙂 Because we know any gifts this mentor may bestow on you would just be part of his strategy of ‘softening you up’, and it may work, or you will feel guilty, or any numbers of ors…so yeah, don’t accept his gifts, explain to him that you want to maintain your mentor/mentee relationship minus any dalliances
yasss! agree 100%. And besides, am I the only one who’s creeped out by these libidinous ‘mentors’? When you’re in a position of trust with someone (mentor, pastor, advisor whatever) it seems borderline predatory behavior to me to proposition the person who’s entrusted to you. Especially, in Lois’ case where he’s old enough to be her dad. Sheesh, whatever happened to genuine altruism & self-respect? & what annoys me most (from my personal encounters) is that guys like that are the ones who always want to shield their daughters from other older guys. So one may ask, whose daughter deserves to be taken advantage of/ sexually exploited in exchange for money? oh @ Nnenna Marcia, this is your cue to ask me to go to the forum to discuss such ancilliary matters. hahahaha.
@Ekuba – You are not the only one o. There is just something not right about hitting on someone when the power balance is skewed almost all the way in your favour. I don’t think this is exactly the case in this scenario because as Lois Lagos said she herself is a business woman, its just that her mentor is a much older, more experienced business man…but the fact that she looks up to him as a senior colleague (almost old enough to be her Dad) should have been enough for him to say, “let me just help this young woman because it is the right thing to do”, and not “Oh my dick still works you know”….clearly I am paraphrasing 🙂 but you get the point…
*Sigh* See this is why I love this site! LOL! I have to listen to my gut…I probably wouldn’t feel guilty about taking stuff from him as much as I would just watching the man pitifully beg for my attention…@ekuba et al. I guess I’m just bored of meeting losers…so scenarios like this are suddenly looking entertaining.
rinse and hang out to dry. good luck.
@SA_Girl – You’re making a very good case for why one shouldn’t attempt to rinse a man for money…Your anecdote about Minister for Transportation and Minister for Finance cracked me up.
I also can’t see @SA_Girl’s comments…
I can’t read SA Girl’s comments on my page anymore. have they been deleted?
Ah. I also can’t see SA Girl’s comments. I also want to laugh some.
This is a though one. I have always wanted to rinse a guy, but I confess I don’t have the skill. How does one get a car for nothing? I mean a WHOLE car for the mere promise of pussy? These women are my (s)heros.
@Malaka my BFFFL, I’m with you. These sheroes need to do a masterclass (mistressclass?) for the rest of us entitled, ‘How to get some without giving it up’
They have skills and some men just come at the mere thought and desire of pussy! Trust me I have seen it happen…big ol’ grown arse men! Damn FOOL FOOLS!