Happy Bisexuality Day to everyone! I decided to do this blog post about being bisexual since today is the day that our sexual orientation is being celebrated around the world.
I knew that I liked girls from the time that I was 4. I don’t have a lot of memories about my childhood because I think I blocked most of them out after I was molested by my uncle. However, one of the few memories I have is of me having these childish yet very sexual romps with a certain female relative of mine who must have been 6. Anyone who says that children don’t know anything about sexuality is sorely mistaken. It’s been proven that babies start masturbating even in the womb (google it).I knew that I liked boys from the time I was 11 when I had my first crush on one of my classmates whom we shall call Kwame. I thought Kwame was pretty cute- he had this chubby face with dimples & I thought he was amazing.
Fast-forward to my teenage years & I ‘forgot’ that I was bisexual. When I say I forgot, I don’t mean that I literally forgot or that I didn’t feel attracted to guys & girls anymore. I mean that because I was growing up in a homophobic society & I attended a homophobic church where they spoke about how those who were supi (lesbians) were going to hell & would become infertile & end up spiritually married to their lesbian partners… because I was growing up in such an environment, I repressed or denied any feelings I had towards women.
However, I kept having crushes on girls which I pinned down to just ‘liking them a lot’ hahaha. I had a crush on almost all of my besties ( I have 7 female best friends) yet I kept convincing myself that it was just that I loved them a lot- I can hear you saying ‘yeah right’ hahaha. All this was happening side-by-side with me having crushes on guys too & thinking that guys were hot and stuff.
Anyways, by the time I finished secondary school, the strangest thing started to happen. I don’t know how to explain it to you guys but let me start by saying that my true feelings & thoughts are always revealed first thing when I wake up in the morning. I go to sleep & at that moment of awakening, any feelings, truths etc that I’ve been suppressing come rushing back & I can hear them clearly in my mind (see I told you I didn’t know how to explain to you guys). So, after secondary school, I started waking up in the morning just knowing that I liked women & yearning intensely to be with a woman. I guess for those of you that are straight, I can just explain it to you that it’s like the feelings you had when you were coming of age & you start intensely desiring the opposite sex, dreaming about them etc. that was how it was for me just that it was with women, but I simultaneously had crushes on guys & sometimes woke up yearning for a guy too.
In the university, I had my first boyfriend. He was soooo handsome & I loved him a lot & we did everything but had sex because he was so ‘chrife’. Infact, on one occasion as we started to makeout, he started speaking in tongues 🙂 – that’s another blog post right there, lol! We broke up shortly thereafter & I started hanging out with 3 of my best friends for emotional support and stuff. One night I went for a sleepover at one of my besties’ room. She lived in a hostel with another roomate who had gone for all night prayers at that time. I was sleeping in my best friend’s bed (totally normal on any Ghanaian campus I tell you) she came to lie next to me. In that moment, I was so overcome with how nice she smelled- she smelled like a mixture of citrus & vanilla. I was blown away with how good she looked, she had the shiniest ebony complexion in the world & by now, after reading my blog posts, all of you must know that I’m very partial to ebony skin tones. And I was totally taken by the nightgown she was wearing, red & pink with a pink bowtie at the neck which showed off her decolletage. I don’t know how it happened but somehow, in the middle of talking, we ended up kissing each other then kissing led to fondling each others boobs and we ended everything by giving each other handjobs.
We never made out again after that encounter. I spoke to my pastor about it who said I should come for deliverance because I had a spirit wife (from the bottom of the ocean) who was making me desire women. She spoke to her pastor’s wife who said she should break off all contact with me because after what we did, we had established a ‘soul-tie’ that needed to be broken. I felt like my heart was breaking in two when she started ignoring me & it took a long time to get over it (we’re friends today, she came back after 3 months of not talking to me).
My next sexual encounter was also with a friend, let’s call her Susan. This was during the period when I was in law school & this time our first sexcapade happened in my hostel. I had always thought that she was hot- she had an hour-glass shape & there was something very sexy about her. We ended up making out several times- it was the first time that I tasted a woman’s pussy & I love it! I was shocked at how misogynistic my culture had made me. Before I ever went down on a woman, I had bought into the myth that as women, our vaginas were naturally unclean, & we needed summers eve & other stuff to make it smell better. And having grown up in a homophobic country, I could hear the voices of preachers who had talked about how gross lesbians were to suck on each others’ ‘dirty’ vaginas. But the first time I went down on a woman, it wasn’t gross. It was just as cool as giving a man a bj. My friend and I dated for one whole year. In that time, our colleagues kept wondering why we were so close & always together etc. If only they knew heheehee.
Maybe at this point, someone else would have identified as a lesbian. However, I knew I wasn’t a lesbian but bisexual because even though I loved pussy, I also loved dick very very much! I had crushes on women but I also had loads of crushes on guys. So after I dated these wonderful women, I went on to date Tony (whom I’ve blogged about) & my ex-boyfriend (whom I’ve blogged about as well). I however hid my sexual orientation from my family (still hidden apart from my sister whom I’ve told), my friends (I lied to them that I was straight) & from this blog. Don’t ask me why. It was probably because I hated my orientation at that time & was denying it.
Being bisexual doesn’t mean that someone is greedy or can’t be satisfied or is confused. It rather means that the person is able to love others no matter their gender. When I was dating Susan, she satisfied me completely & in every way possible. I wasn’t thinking of having sex with a man neither was I thinking about anyone but her. When I was dating Tony, he satisfied me completely. I wasn’t pining to be with a woman in anyway.
Similarly, just because I’m bisexual doesn’t mean I want to have threesomes. I’ve never been in a threesome my whole life & I’m not planning to be in one. I’m strictly monogamous when it comes to all my relationships. Being bisexual doesn’t mean that I’m a witch or I’m demonic. I go to a church which is lgbt friendly, I pray & I’m ok with my god. For those of you reading this who are Christians & feel that everyone who’s bisexual is a child of satan, I’d recommend that you consider that people felt the same way about divorcées years ago because God says he hates divorce, Jesus said divorcés are adulterers & the bible says all adulterers are destined for hell. However, somehow today, few pastors will tell an abused woman to stay in her marriage & that part of the Bible has been justified away to the extent that the pastor of the biggest charismatic church in Ghana today is a divorcé. So why then do people take the bible literally about homosexuality when all the leading psychologists, doctors, scientists have proven that homosexuality is absolutely normal & that sexual orientation cannot be changed? Why do pastors keep saying ‘even dogs & pigs don’t do it’ when we now know that more than 1500 animal species engage in homosexual acts? (example, bonobos with whom we share more than 98% of our DNA regularly engage in lesbian & gay acts) Why do we keep saying that it’s unAfrican when we know that the Azande warriors for example used to take male lovers?
Accepting my bisexuality has been a difficult but fulfilling journey for me. I have had mental health issues & attempted suicide twice because after being raised to think that LGBT people were evil, I couldn’t embrace the fact that I am one. But these days things are much better & I’m very happy & comfortable with my sexuality. I finally accepted my sexuality when I came to the US one year ago & moved to San Fracisco (the gay capital of the world lol). I took a trip to the Castro district which has historically been a place for most gay men to live & work & as I walked through the neighborhood & interacted with other openly queer people, I realized that there’s really nothing wrong with being LGBT. Around the same time, I started reading the blogs of two very beautiful bisexual women- one was Ghanaian & the other Nigerian. They were both very accomplished, put together, admirable & courageous women & after I discovered that they were also bisexual, I suddenly realized that being bisexual didn’t mean that I was going to be among the riff-raffs of society or some castaway. Both women have encouraged me a lot and I’m very grateful that I met them. To those who are homophobic or bipobic or other wise bigoted I say ‘We’re queer, we’re here & we ain’t going nowhere’.
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PS: I’d love to hear from other bisexual men & women.
43 comments On What it means to be bisexual
@Ekuba.
Very very interesting blog. I can identify with you on many fronts save calling myself a bisexual. I was brought up in a typical Ghanaian tongue-speaking pentcostal home (albeit off shores) and had gay sex if I recall correctly with 2 guys when I was juvenile. To be honest, it felt really numb and I don’t remember enjoying the acts or having an attraction to males after those encounters.
1. By my training, it is clear to me that sexual orientation is a spectrum and it is entirely up to your nature (genotype) and nurture.
2. The world view on this subject is also a continuum.
3. Homophobia is not entirely an African problem. It’s a function of one’s nurture and an unwillness to bend one’s mind towards science (knowledge)/re-education and there are several homophobes everywhere religion and/or ignorance predate.
My personal thesis on this matter of homosexuality (as my opinion has evolved over the years) is quite simple. Just as the world has come to accept all forms of religions and allow them to coexist, so should our attitudes toward issues we can barely countenance, no matter how deeply we hold on to our traditions and beliefs.
thanks for your comments @ VancouverB. I really appreciate it. Ooooo, more details, please who were these 2 guys that you had gay sex with, what kind of sex was it, how old were you, where did you guys meet, when you say numb do you mean that you didn’t feel any pleasure at all afterwards? have you been attracted to any man after that? details!!!
Lol@Ekuba and details.
1. One of the guys was a maternal cousin and the other guy was a school mate who lived in a condo next to ours. They happened on different occassions during one boring summer afternoon while we were lounging in the basement. I must have been about 11 or 12 (not sure).
2. The kind of sex was fellatio and anal sex. My recollection of fellatio can only be compared to sucking on your thumb or chewing on a rubber. Honestly, it felt like sucking on your own saliva over and over again (Not sure if that’s how ladies who give it feel about it…lol) The anal sex was the most painful thing I had ever had. Almost punishing to say the least. I started soiling my dross for some months after.
I cannot in all honesty say that those experiences influenced me to be straight as I have never really spared a thought to consider my real sexuality. I just happened to have experienced heterosexual sex few months after which was more pleasurable and i have since stuck to calling myself straight.
gosh i can only imagine how freaking painful anal sex must have been for you. I’m assuming that they didn’t use lubricant or anything. even for me, who had my first anal sex encounter as an adult, it hurt just a teeny weeny bit. i mean it certainly hurt less than when i lost my virginity but i’m assuming that’s because i used lots lots of lube & my partner was very very gentle & didnt go thrusting or anything!. my 2nd & 3rd anal sex encounters were way more enjoyable though & there wasn’t any pain. no wonder you started soiling your underwear (by the way lol, for someone that grew up offshores i can’t believe that you knew what ‘dross’ was omg, i’ve missed saying that word!). have you & your maternal cousin ever talked about that encounter? well, seems like you didn’t really enjoy that encounter & that you’re more or less straight!
Lol @Ekuba
Okay, I think we meant different things here. I got to ask around what dross means in the Ghanaian context (which is briefs). Dross in my patois means Boxer pants…lol
Wasn’t a fun experience but I’ve had it again and again with some of my exes and FWBs. They used dildos which made it feel quite better.
We (me and my cousin) never came around to discuss it and my cousin is expired so that convo will never happen.
Ekuba darling, this was a lovely post! Had me giggling. Happy Bisexual day oo!!
happy bisexuality day to you too AM! and to all our straight allies out there as well.
Great post Ekuba. I didn’t even know today was bisexuality day. Happy bisexuality day to all our sisters and brothers around the world. May our world become a place full of love and understanding
& to you too @ NanaDarkoa! Thanks for giving LGBT people the platform to discuss our issues 🙂
Happy bisexuality day! I could also identify with this posts on many fronts, except that I too like VancouverB don’t chose to identify as bisexual. In fact I don’t go with labels at all, most people just think I’m a lesbian when I say my most fulfilling relationship has been with another woman and I’m not too fond of dick yet I do have crushes on guys.
It has taken me a while to be okay with my feelings, when I was younger growing up I was always with girls, kissing my girl friends as early as when I was in primary school. I didn’t become aware of guys until secondary school where I learnt that being a “lele” was bad. So sometimes I wonder if the feelings I have for men are due to society? I’m just going to go with the reality that sexuality is fluid.
Happy bi day @ CosmicYoruba! lol, I had no idea that the 9ja phrase for lesbian is ‘lele’? omg, you know how i love details!!! which woman was that? where did you meet, why did you break up, do y’all still talk etc? I think that you & VancouverB have every right not to be labeled! End of the day, when you look beneath all the labels, you’ll just see people loving each other or wanting to be loved
Yeah it’s ‘Lele’ but also ‘Supi’ which I heard in secondary school. Happy BI-Day Ekuba!!! (See what I did there? Yes, I am a genius in my village, hahaha!)
I think I might be bi-curious/omnisexual then. Never had experiences with girls apart from holding hands while my genitals slowly turned to mush but I guess you’ll never know if you are overly cautious like I am. I know the world is not as big as we think it is and the thought of my parents finding out kills all those urges to act out any fantasies dead. I still believe that human sexuality is very fluid though so I do not discount the possibility of attraction to people of different genders/orientations.
But man! That girl in my secondary school….I totally would have. I TOTALLY would.
lol @ Nnenna you’re just hilarious. Yes, yes, you’re a genius lol. Gawd, the fact of my mom finding out is enough to stifle any impending orgasm. Let me tell you, I’ve not finished explaining to my mom why I hada big tube of k-y gel my purse although I’m unmarried (that’s a whole blog post Nnenna, I’m not proud of it but I told her that the lubricant was for a rash I had & we both knew I was lying :/)- so I won’t even be able to explain my being bi to her… ooo, so there was a secondary school crush!!! & did miss crush ever know that she was a crush. wait, woah, what??!! there were hand-holding episodes that got you hot & steamy? really? when, where, with whom? omg all of y’all have such scandalous lives!
dyiiiiing @ the gel being for treatment of a rush. Heii! Ekuba. Just tell momsie, I like girlsies a lot oo, also some boysiess…
hahaha @AM: I tried to bolster my lie by saying that the petroleum in lubricants is greater than that in vaseline & that’s why i was using it but sadly it didnt work. like I said, we both knew i was lying. awkwaaarrd! charley, i can’t tell her oh AM. Or maybe I can recruit you so that you accompany me to tell her, you know how we do these things in Africa- you always need to take ‘an elder’ with you when you’re breaking an unpleasant news to your mom etc. lol
I read this post about 20 minutes ago but have only now recovered sufficiently to comment. I peed myself (tmi, but whatev…birthing 3 kids will do that to you) at the bits about the bf bursting into tongues and the spirit wife from the bottom of the ocean. We’re not there yet, but hopefully, we’ll one day evolve into a society that knows better than to stand in judgement of who someone falls in love, or in lust, with. Great post!
lol @ Epiphany: like I said, I’ll definitely write a blog post about my past ‘chrife’/ ultra religious life & how it juxtaposed with sex & that bf story & bottom of the sea nonsense will be in it & I’ll dedicate it to you! thanks for the comment
will hold u to it!
@Ekuba,
I had to read this blog again and again. Truly impressed with your style.
However, some age long questions, which have been on my mind recently popped up after reading this part:
“I have had mental health issues & attempted suicide twice because after being raised to think that LGBT people were evil, I couldn’t embrace the fact that I am one.”
I have many gay friends who have opened up to me about their sexuality and raised the same mental health issue. As much as I completely love and accept them for who they are, I really have a hard time understanding why and how their sexuality can drive them to the point of abdicating on life. And here are my reasons:
1. A complete life encompasses more than one’s sexuality. And here, allow me to go on a dangerous spree. I find it extremely difficult appreciating why some of us in the LGBT community put up our sexuality as our identity. For instance, I am a proud Canadian and I also love my African/Ghanaian heritage. However, I don’t put up my “Canadian-ness” or African-ness” all around me as if that defines my entire being. How about being identified by my intellect, my career, my hobbies, etc or all of the above combined? Howbeit, that doesn’t take away from anybody’s right to join whatever association or societal grouping they choose to be part of.
2. One’s sexuality is only a “SMALL component” (emphasis mine) of psychosocial health. Forgive me here: I have had a bit of training in psychometrics and psychoanalysis but I haven’t come across any convincing evidence about the right proportions of the various health qualities that one needs to have to be considered healthy. The evidence currently lies with “living a balanced life” – Whatever it means to each individual. (I stand to be corrected).
So please help me here with specific references to your circumstance:
1. What is it simply your difficulty with accepting that you were exactly what you had been socialized to consider as evil, which drove you to the edge of mental illness?
2. Even though you are yet to be fully open with your family and close associates about your sexuality, how have you been able to navigate the inaptness of as the LGBT community puts it “Living a Lie” and “things are much better & I’m very happy & comfortable with my sexuality.” (Reference; Ekuba, 2013)
Finally, how did you get to this point of self-assurance about your sexuality? Specifically, how did you overcome the emotional issues pertaining to the facts that:
1. You know your family and close associates may not accept you if you developed enough cojones to tell them.
2. Your religious beliefs run diametrically opposite to your sexuality.
PS: Writing this felt like forever but please understand my background. I think I fall somewhere close to straight with some streaks of homo on the gaydar spectrum. However, I have never found it very useful or important to discuss it with anyone because I have refused to be defined by one aspect of me. Neither has anybody (including my FFFs) found it worthwhile asking me about what I do with my Willy in the confines of my privacy. You just wish sometimes that people would just get this bit of newsflash!
@ vancouver: thanks for the questions & compliments 🙂
1. Love makes the world go round. Several people identify with the story of romeo & juliet because we all know how being in love can make you feel like you can do anything! & how love gone wrong can make you depressed, suicidal or even make you go insane. Sexual orientation is all about love. It’s not just about sex like some people try to put it. I’m bisexual not because i want to fuck women but because I fall in love with both women & men. People that are gay/ lesbian fall in love with the same sex. So imagine the person you’re in love with now. Imagine that your society tells you you can’t love her or marry her or even be with her. Then imagine this happening to you repeatedly in your life. That’s how it is to be lgbt. You fall in love with several people & society tells you no, sorry, you’re not allowed & your heart shatters into pieces. 2. Until i accepted my orientation, i hated myself so much. Imagine, anytime i turned on the tv/ radio in ghana, there was the leader of an orthodox church (presby) talking about how filthy i am, there was the president of GJA telling journalists to develop a stance against people like me, there was a minister of state (with the president’s backing) who said they should arrest people like me (western regional minister) even the leader of the foremost human rights agency in Ghana (CHRAJ) said that she can’t support my rights because Ghana’s ‘culture’ is against my orientation. all around me my friends, family etc. mocked people like me as crazy, foolish people. a classmate once emailed all my classmates a picture of people like me kissing & suggested that we all mock them. at my church, there were frequent sermons/ discussions on how people like me were evil, destined for hell, demonic & we had ‘an agenda’. Top all of this up with my mom & relatives pressuring me to bring a man home when i was in love with a woman. Can you see how all this would make me hate myself & think i was nasty? & the more i tried to change & couldn’t do so, can you understand why i wanted to kill myself?
3. I think you said you were in love with a woman & wanted to marry her right? imagine that you could never marry her. imagine in fact that you could never tell anyone that you loved her & were dating her for fear of losing your job, imagine that you could never express any affection towards her in public or for anyone to see otherwise you could be beaten up (as happened to the lesbians in jamestown) or raped by a man to ‘correct you’ & the police wouldn’t help you in anyway. imagine people divorcing & marrying & dating on the side whom they wanted but you being denied the right to marry this person you love. Imagine further that you were expected to ‘force’ & like other people. Since you like women, imagine that you were continually being forced to ‘like men’ & even sleep with them when this is not what you wanted. Combine all of these & bingo, you get a peek into the life of an lgbt person! This is why until I accepted that i was bisexual & that everyone was wrong, that there was nothing wrong with me, that i was worthy of love etc, i wanted to kill myself to end all the stress
@VancouverB: I don’t know what happened but the 2nd part of my comment didnt post? wtf??? ok let me retype it all over again. to answer the 2nd part of your question…
As recent as when i wrote the blog post about secondary virginity, i was still convinced that my orientation was evil & that i was going to hell for having pre-marital sex & that it was because of my ‘sins’ that my relationships never worked out. All that has changed for me now. How? Well, i read the Bible & several books & discovered first of all, that my pastors were lying to me when they called themselves ‘Bible believing’ cos there’s no one living on earth now who’s following the Bible literally like they claim. They explained away the portions that wasn’t nice for them & yet expected others to follow certain portions word for word. Examples? Well let’s use the case of divorce that I mentioned above! What could have been clearer than Jesus saying ‘Anyone who divorces for any reason but adultery is an adulterer’ & not just that but the Bible says adulterers are going straight to hell. & if your new marriage is adulterous, then God can’t bless it right? yet somehow, ever since henry viii broke away from the catholic church, protestant christians have been able to explain away this verse to the point that today, it’s considered acceptable not just to divorce for any reason but to even remarry!can you imagine how HARD it would be, if you were expected to stay in marriage no matter what & not divorce & never remarry? if you were supposed to stay despite domestic violence, despite being grossly humiliated daily etc.? But if we were following Jesus’ words, literally, that’s exactly what we’re supposed to be doing! We should be refusing to permit battered women to divorce! ridiculous. So you see, when the pastors started divorcing themselves, & realized how hard it will be to remain single & so they started remarrying, suddenly, they explained away that verse! & yet they expect lgbts to live single their whole life or ‘force’ somehow to love people that science has proven they can never love. come to think of it, what right do they have to insist that when jesus NEVER even said a word about homosexuality, somehow it’s wrong? Next example: Jesus said we should sell all our belongings and come follow him but NO church in ghana today so much as gives free pure water to the poor people that come to their services. All the ministers are getting rich & fatter by the day. Next example: paul said under no circumstance should a woman teach. But we’ve explained that away too hence all the glamorous female preachers on TBN. Second reason why i’m comfy with my orientation & religion: a translation of paul’s sayings about homosexuality in the original language shows that the word he used which we have translated as homosexuality actually referred to male temple prostitutes sleeping with others, pedophilia & rape. It never referred to a loving, monogamous same-sex relationship. Indeed the word ‘homosexual’ was introduced into the Bible for the FIRST time ever in 1946 (in the RSV). In the light of all these discoveries & in view of the fact that besides what people were telling me, I felt very much at peace with God when i accepted my orientation, it was obvious which way i should go. The first time I took communion in my new church (lgbt friendly church), i wept. I knew that i was home & it felt great to be finally accepted. & it’s the one church i’ve been to where there’s NO hypocrisy. everyone is real & as a christian am sure if jesus were alive today, he’d be in that church and not all the hate filled churches. b. As for my family, i’ve come out to one of my sisters. the rest of them can go hang. lol, of course not, i love them to bits but from the homophobic statements they make regularly, i’m not ready to come out to them now. i’m not exactly living a lie with them since i’m very pro-lgbt rights in my discussions with them but they’ve assumed it’s cos i want to do a phd in that area hahahaha. Anyways, if i happen to end up with the woman of my dreams, then i’ll break the news to them & if they don’t support me, it’ll hurt but i’ll cut off strings. if i settle with the man of my dreams, ah well, then i won’t need to inform them about anything (although later in my life, I plan to come out publicly so on that day, y’all will know who ekuba is lol).
@Ekuba: W.O.W is all I could say. You’re indeed in a better place and thanks for all the re-education.
Happy belated bisexual day. Vividly remembered when I was 11 or 12 years my neighbour and I have been kissing and I thought it was all fun, until I got to secondary school and realised I was attracted to my mates (girls school), but like you said in your piece it was only daughters and sons of satan who will get attracted to the same kind. And being a catholic school you dare not, so I kept it to myself until I was 26 and met this cute lady and we dated for 2 years. My boyfriend find out and was disgusted so he dumped me but here I am, seeing another man n still having crushes on cute girls, current boo accepts me for me, Good to know who you truly are and accepted my people around you.. Thanks Ekuba
& to you too @Yawa! Yay, I’m so glad that you’ve found a man that accepts you for you. Sorry about your ex; one of the reasons I broke up with my ex was that he wasn’t comfortable after I told him I was bisexual(besides, he was also a jerk lol but I was too much in love with him to break away https://adventuresfrom.com/2013/04/28/i-know-my-rights.html). I think that if someone truly loves you, they’ll be willing to accept you no matter who you are so let’s cut out all the biphobic & homophobic people in our lives & devote our time to those who truly love us!
Ekuba……BRAVO you just brightened my Thursday love the content!!!! Excellent, Fabulous and Graciously written you’ve captured the essence of self awarness and am in awe….you go girl!
I hope you are enjoying every moment!
thank you very much @ Barefootcountessa. I really appreciate your kind remarks always 🙂
Ekuba, great post. All I can say is KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.
Thanks @ Maddie. You’re sooooo right!
Wow, thanks for the knowledge and education on the scriptures. I have never bought into any pastors interpretation of the bible and regularly argue with them based on common sense(especially in Ghana). Yes, I have a way of respectfully getting under the skin of my pastor friends in Ghana without any real facts. Again thanks for your resolve in finding out the facts and overcoming the grave adversities you faced. Hell, you might have even convinced me to consider a church for not even caring to go for about 12 years.
@ Nana: you’re doing the right thing in refusing to let anyone else tell you what to think. I always say that if today, it was discovered that there’s no hell or heaven, majority of the hordes of ‘christians’ in Ghana & around the world would change their religion or become atheists. Why? Cos loads of people are christians out of fear. The pastors tell you that you’ll go to hell for sleeping with your partner whom you love & are faithful to so you stop & remain single while he divorces & remarries as he pleases. The pastor tells you that a witch will devour your money if you don’t pay tithe so you do it. The pastor tells you that wine is evil although anthropologists & theologians agree that Jesus drank wine- so you deny yourself that pleasure too. I myself spent several years in the church & at one point even worked at the pastor’s office for free before realizing how I was being taken for a ride. In those days, I was so depressed, suicidal & the pastors said it was caused by ‘witches & demons’. I broke away from all those churches & I’m so happy, comfortable, secure & my conscience is clear. Like I said, I’ll write a series called ‘Sex & the Church’ chronicling my experiences, those of my friends & discussing issues in general & guess who I’ll dedicate it to? You & Epiphany (see her comment above). Take care!
I would be honored Ekuba, as a wine merchant”Jesus jews” and hopeful about moving to Ghana for a while. I look forward to it. Again, you rock for being so mentally strong and overcoming the anxieties so many Ghanaians go through.
I relate so much to this piece, so I’ve loved reading it. I’m in my early 20s; had my first sexual encounter at 19 with an older woman. I had two others with guys thereafter and I found pleasure with both (or all three, lol). I don’t know if I identify myself as bisexual though..I’ve become weary of using labels to describe something as fluid as sexuality. And I reckon I’m still so young, I have plenty of time to explore and if I so wish- define my sexuality. I’m also Christian, from a very religious background, so I’m exposed to quite a bit of homophobia. Sometimes disguised as concern, other times it crops up as blatant hate. But I’m having fun, learning to live for me and taking PRIDE in who I choose to be. Thank you, Ekuba <3
Hi Kgosigadi! Thank you so much for your comment. I agree with you, some people find labels tiring & I believe that at the end of the day, you should be comfortable to do what you want- whether you choose to identify with a certain group or prefer to just ‘do your thing’. I”m sorry about all the homophobia you’ve been experiencing but I’m so happy that you’re learning to take pride in who you are. Take care & kick all the homophobes & biphobes to the curb!
For starters I am going to say that it is unfortunate that our children suffer such great lost of innocence at the hands of people we think we trust. On that note, we as parents have to be more vigilant. I have carefully read your story and will contribute as a heterosexual Christian, medical professional with an open mind.
I was taken back into hysteria to know that there were sexual orientation flags. To the point that I had to google it on Wikipedia and was amazed that they even existed. I even found an unconfirmed flag for heterosexuals, for which I have no intention of representing. Yes, I google everything you wrote because it was quite interesting to read.
My approach to your road to happiness, is that we are ultimately responsible for the choices we make in life and if the existence of hell or heaven was proven to not exist, it will not change the fact that there is a higher power in which our spiritual man can identify themselves with. So, atheism will not occur by default. It seems like you have your own place of worship as you feel a connection to God and attend a lgbt friendly church. Which I respect even though I don’t agree with these religious institutions. The acceptance of someone’s sexual orientation should be embraced and not repressed, oppressed, suppress or depressed because it only creates confusion and deceit. I might not agree, but I can coexist and choose my own personal way to deal with it.
I am a Christian and Christianity is based on the principle of the bible. Therefore, I don’t try to rewrite the bible and I uphold it to the best of my natural human abilities. I feel that if a human does not agree with the core principles of the word, then they should find a faith that practice their belief or create one. In a nutshell, I don’t believe that we should condemn, shun or mistreat people of different sexual orientations. It is their relationship with God and if he needed our help he will cease to be an omnipotent God.
We can go on and on about this topic, but ignorance is very evident in the church and in the secular world. People have the Parrot Syndrome of repeating what they hear and not educating themselves. I have chosen in my life to try to save myself because my forbidden fruit may not be someone else’s.
Hi Lioness. Thanks for giving me your view & sharing your beliefs as a heterosexual, Christian woman. I always respect people who can agree to disagree with me so thanks for that as well & for not shoving it down the throats of others. The world would be a very boring place if we all had one, single opinion no? 🙂
Hello Ekuba,
Your posting was very interesting and like an octopus. I chose to write more on the religious part of it because it seems to be the topic that most affected you. However, the science and social aspect of your comments are quite debatable and too extensive to even write on. It will go on and on and on. I will leave it for my unpublished book that will surely produce a boycott in Ghana by all the tongue twisters.
@ Lioness: I’m glad you found it interesting. As for parts of it being debatable… hmmm. As you know, I’m neither a scientist nor anthropologist, so I may even not have communicated some concepts in the appropriate terms. However, I choose to embrace the current widely adopted stance of WHO & other reputable scientific organizations ie: that homosexuality is absolutely normal, that it is not a mental defect, that it is not harmful biologically/ psychologically & that it is caused by a complex interplay of nature & nurture. All the best with the book but why did you say it’ll lead to a boycott in Ghana?
It is obvious that I am not of Ghanaian decent, but find my heart resting on this countries wings. My purpose here is ministry and humanitarian efforts with more emphasis on efforts. As you can see we can really sit here and have church and possibly wrench the sheets of Adventures…..lol. Due to my reasons of being in Ghana, I have been slapped in the face with “Christianity” as a whole. I have never experienced such ignorance and distortion of the word in my life. However, being here took me through my own journey of fearful faith that lead me to a direction of understanding about my purpose here. The boycott will probably come from the mega monopolizing church institutions here in Ghana that will not agree or most likely consider me a heretic worshiper because I don’t share their dogmatic preaching and teachings. I am not conventional, but fundamental. I am a woman and find myself having to outwit most male worshippers from their suggestive whore mongering insinuations. Christianity is very dicey here and the pulpit is mostly to blame for the pews ignorance. Plus, they will name the hypersexual Osofo a.k.a Jezebel reincarnated for I will exercise the demon out of sex in Ghana…..hey I might create Ghanasutra! My books will definitely have some unspoken real church stuff.
Oh @ Lioness, I see where you’re coming from now that you’ve explained yourself. Well, that must take a lot of courage to move to another country because of a ministry. As for the people criticizing you etc. don’t mind them, it’s just pure misogyny. It’s quite telling that although most churches in Ghana ordain women as priests, they typically relegate them to the children’s department, women’s department & what my mom calls ‘the department of cakes & tea’ ie: the hospitality/ welcoming ministry. To date, not a single one of the orthodox churches in Ghana has picked any of its women pastors to be a moderator or presiding bishop & i find that very worrying indeed. Even in the charismatic churches, the women are only head pastors in the churches they themselves established. This is all part of what I’ll discuss in my upcoming blog series called ‘Sex & the Church’. So don’t mind them, write the book & when it’s out, you’ll be surprised that there are several like-minded people who’ll buy your book.
‘Sex and the Church’? I cannot wait.Sending hugs Ekuba. Any updates about Gran?
@ Nana Darkoa: Thank you so very much please keep sending the healing vibes. I’m trying to get in touch with her over the phone and speak to her in order to ascertain how she’s doing. About the new blog series- yes! i’ll probably start that early next year by which time I should have wound up with gran says
I can’t wait to read your next blog, for surely the veil will wrench and the sheets will reveal who is under them.
Even though I’m bisexual,I’m guilty of mocking people who aren’t heterosexual.I guess it’s fear of being outed.Call me a hypocrite if you will but let’s face facts…In our society being different will surely lead to one’s stigmatization and ostracization.Thus I hide behind a facade of homophobia whilst I weep silently in private.Maybe one day I’ll be bold enough to tell my family the truth….who knows?