Awkward! At least that’s how this situation felt.
Dude was a total hunk and I was hot for him even before first date.
I might not have spoken to him enough to get into his head. That’s the only way to explain my suddenly flat libido when the condom was in my hand and I was slipping it over his dick…
This is just the most uncomfortable situation I have ever been in. I do not even understand how!
This very physically gorgeous man with the big African lips, thug face, generous affection and heavy step. The one all the girls I know were crazy about, the one I had spent hours of days and months chatting up and going as far as lying about being in love with. Getting him to profess his love and discussing life with! This hunk I had gotten to fall into the labyrinths of love, this man who feeds on my laughter and breathe.
Why is my libido going so dry in the face of his erection?
And how do I tell him? That after several dates and turning the heat up notches, after the mutual chase, pounce, kill, I didn’t want the game. This rare good game before me on a silver platter.
Has any of you ever experienced this? A cooling of desire too cold to understand or resurrect?
Was he too eager? Was the game too easy? How do I even say that? This felt mutual but my blood is cold in the middle of our first night together. Help!
Was the dick too pee wee? Shall I shut up, bear it and never return? But it would feel like personal disservice!
What then?
Grab clothes and run? Who has ever experienced this? And how did you solve that sticky situation?
23 comments On Have You Ever Changed your Mind About Sex In The Middle of Sex?
So what did you do? Curious minds want to know…
I’ve been in a somewhat similar situation. Somewhat because my situation was even more awkward and involved having a drunk man in my room who was refusing to leave. Several hours before he had appeared drunk in my hotel room I had kissed him at the beach and….argh,it’s a long story which I will blog about one day. I don’t like to even think about it much because I feel like what happened next was non consensual which he denies…but to answer your question he was inside me, I was dry and I eventually insisted he leave my hotel room.
I went to the bathroom, came back with my dress on and told him i was very sorry but i just wasn’t in the mood anymore. He thinks i am the most annoying human being. In fact, he thinks I deliberately got him to that point just to humiliate him. Like something I do for fun. I was dry too! I just felt cold and dry after. I wonder how I would have felt if I went through with it.
Probably would have needed a lubricant to do him. I still cannot understand what happened to me. Why did you lose interest? Was it something he said or did you not mean to have sex even though you kissed him? There are men i have played with and kissed with no sex on my mind.
To answer I need to write a blog post @PurpleT…will do that soon. Maybe this weekend. Remind me:)
Maybe you didn’t want to have sex with him at all in the first place? Maybe your attraction to him is all those non-tangible things you mentioned: how he makes you laugh, feeds your mind, etc. You mentioned before that you are a “cerebralsexual” (or whatever the term is that means you are turned on by intelligence. m3nti blofo like dat), so perhaps that had to do with the flat libido?
I’ve had at least 3 encounters where I didn’t want to have sex, but we were naked, so I just got through with it. I commend you for leaving when you did. Having sex when you don’t want to is a chore worse than eating dry kontomre: it aint pleasant and it leaves a lasting, bitter memory.
*Sapiosexual.
I think that could have been it. There was no cerebral turn on.
I am a selfish lover oo, I have left the bed after full head before. But with that I had said no earlier and he ignored it. Ha!
old story.
But I have also gone through sex looking at the ceiling and waiting for it to end. Man!
Oh several times. It is not in my nature to be the cause of someone feeling bad/sad, meaning i still go through with it. Wish I had your strength of mind to stop because I am not feeling it. I am almost 35 ooo I need to grow up!
Some of these things are easier said than done because we think “oh we’ve gone so far so I have to go all the way”…No you don’t. Just practice saying no. It’s not about age. I am 36 and sometimes I find it hard to say no
Lol. Dede. I am not even 30 so I doubt it’s an age matter. Probably your heart is just extra cute. Saying no to people is usually hard. Used to be for me till I realized the bad feeling or bad rapport after saying no doesn’t last as long as how disappointed in myself I feel when I let myself do things just to please others. Cuts across to simple chores and doing things for friends. Charley just wear your dross and say u have to go to the toilet…then grab ur dress, by the time you tell him, you are already at the door. Lol!
I enjoyed the flirting more. I also told him I wasn’t emotionally ready and he thinks I am the meanest person ever..
That’s just my problem right now. The flirting phase was so good. and now sometime i miss that and want to sext a little but he is still too angry for me to try that. because right now, i just want to flirt with him! I think men/women getting angry about that is a matter of ego. i would be really hurt if anybody did that to me.
Men get into the dilemma too. You know the dilemma where you are just about to have sex and then you just switch off. Well there was one time when I did, I was glad I did because I saved myself from a fate worse than death. This chick, let me call her, MK, had been flirting furiously with me for some time. Then she dared me. She said i was not man enough to shag her. So one Saturday afternoon, I had her spreadeagled stark naked on a bed in a sleazy lodge, with my thumb rubbing her clitoris and my lips sucking her nipple and my tongue flicking the tip of the nipple. I had her all hot and horny and I was still fully dressed but then I began to think, do I need this drama in my life ? Because the chick was a neurotic clinger who loved attention and was forever creating emotional drama. And her I was ready to prong her ? Nope. I could see nothing but anguish and tears and fights and extreme jealousy and all that baggage. So I told her no i cant go through with this because I love and respect my wife.
Then I had to duck and run as a stiletto heel whizzed past my head and a flurry of really bad language followed me.
Years later I am in a pub having a quiet beer in a corner and she comes over and pours beer over my head. “Stupid son of a bitch. You think your dick is too clean for me ?”. For the second time this female had me taking to my heels.
Lol. Sounds like the beginning of a good story Brian
BWAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHA! Oh God! Oh God! I can’t!
Well done for listening to your instincts though.
LoL!!! That is just on a whole different level! We want the full story!
I want to read the whole story! lol
Brian –You know you gotta write this story (and publish it on Adventures) right? We need to know the details because …oh gosh it seems like a great story!
Maya Angelou did say “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
And I’m nosy so I wanna know 🙂
Co-signing Saffron!!!
Very interesting Brian,I had a smirk on my face after reading but what I want to know is :WERE YOU REALLY MARRIED?and tryna shag this pyscho? Another angle I choose to look at from.but hey you provided an interesting male perspective,now I know guys also get cold feet.
Yes it has happened to me. I went through with it. I hate him and don’t talk to him now. It felt so….rapey.
That’s why I run. better for him to be angry than for me to feel violated.
Changing your mind in the middle of sex, is like trying to wake up from a nightmare. If, I have gone this far to the lock and key stage, I will turn on the fantasy button and orchestrate the greatest love session with a complete scenario with Idris Elba. After waking up from the nightmare turned dream, I will never, ever, ever go back down memory lane because it wasn’t him :).
I’m glad you didn’t go through with it…too many times we do things we aren’t comfortable with just because we think it’s too late to turn back or say no. I don’t think I’ve ever been in that situation butttttt I think I’ve been with someone who might have changed their mind about doing it with me (a dude who it later turned out was struggling with some mental health issues). I should have trusted my instinct because I had a feeling he wasn’t fully present. I’ll never know for sure but there was just something about it that made me feel as if he was putting on a show…being horny and really attracted to the guy made me ignore my gut though.