Sex in my 40s

Image of Nana Darkoa
Image of Nana Darkoa

I didn’t feel any different when I turned 40. I felt just the same as I did when I was 39, but as the year has crept on I’ve begun to feel my age. My body is a bit heavier – I know I should really give up carbs but I love bread, rice and alcohol a bit too much. My sex drive hasn’t changed though – if anything its gone up an ante, but being single will do that for you. Or at least it does for me. The excitement of ‘new’ sex, doing something different with someone new, being able to fuck anyone I fancy. That’s exciting. Sometimes more exciting in my mind than in reality…


However, the last few weeks of my 40s has brought some new anxieties. ‘OMG I am going to be 41 in a few weeks time!’ I am officially middle-aged. There’s no getting around it. Chances are I have lived half of my life already. I have never been fearful of growing older. Its something I have always looked forward to. I spent my early teens desperate to be 18, and then 21. I thought with those ages I would finally be free. Free from the restrictions of family and society. Ha!


I don’t know where the years went. I literally do not know. But I am here now, on the cusp of 41 and it is equal parts exciting and nerve wracking. A part of me thinks, ‘it’s all down hill from now. You’ll better take Halle Berry’s #FitFridays seriously and go on the keto diet’, and the other part of me thinks, ‘fuck the keto diet. I am tired of all of these diets that I cannot maintain. I just want to enjoy life in moderation.’ But I’ve never really been good at moderation. I am a do it all kinda woman. Why have one glass of wine when you can have three? And the same applies to my sex life. I feel like this is my last decade to really wild out. The rational part of my brain knows better though. Recently I was chatting to one of my friends who is in her 50s, her current lover is in his 30s. I couldn’t help but think, ‘yup, that’s going to be me in a few years time’.


I’m feeling a desire to talk to older African women about their sex lives. I want to know how they feel about their bodies. How they navigate lovemaking with younger partners (cos most of my partners have been younger than I am). I want to know if their libido increases or decreases with age. Whether it’s been easy or hard to find lovers. How they continue to love their bodies when gravity kicks in. I want their wisdom, thoughts and experiences.


Are you an older African woman? How has your sex live changed (if at all) as you have aged? What tips do you have for me as I firmly approach middle-aged status?


You all can start calling me Auntie Nana now 🙂 (don’t you dare!)



11 comments On Sex in my 40s

  • I am a little older than you and have the same questions. Have been single for 6 years and ( involuntarily) celibate for 3. Am really hoping for some better times ahead.

  • Lol…@Nana. And talking about my crush, OMG, I saw you today somewhere around the A&C Mall. You were on a morning walk with headphones on and looking all sexy. I was driving fast and there were other cars behind me so I couldn’t stop. Now that was a real crush. Please say it was you.

  • Hey Nana,
    Been trying to improve my sex life in Ghana and have been wondering how to get and find more casual sexual encounters. A friends with benefit even. Any tips?

    • If you see someone you’re attracted to, approach them and start a conversation. Most importantly however, leave the house everyday with the expectation that you might meet someone special, dress accordingly and grab opportunities when you see them. I am 45 and single and have a life FULL of adventure. If you exude love for yourself, they will love you too!

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