I feel-
Stuck. Low. Lil sad.
Dash of self pity.
Hopelessness trying to creep in.
(no, you can’t come)
Bored. Foggy. Fuzzy.
Ready for a big, fat cozy bed.
I miss some people
Lover-friends mostly
21, I’m ready for our sex & tattoos weekend
Mon Bebe, chill companionship with warm undertones
of friendship and romance
Tangawizi, always
(craving some escapist
penis sex. but not really.
niggas don’t deserve me)
***
I feel-
I want to sleep for at least 2 days straight
Tired
Unsettled
Anxious (you have been here way too long,
go to sleep. please)
Stuck in a loop of thoughts I’m constantly fighting off
When do I win this war?
I’m tired AF.
***
Sun isn’t shining as bright
I want to sleep
Until i can feel the sun again
Same fight, different day
New day, not exactly new strength
But just last week,
I was the sun
Now I can’t feel the sun
Let me sleep please
Just sleep and sleep and sleep
I can’t be alive in a world with no sun
Call me, solar powered
***
Unexplainable sadness
Life loses all flavor
How the fuck am I supposed to keep up with taking care of myself amidst all this chaos?
Chaos!
Fog. Anxiety
Imagining scenarios to the point they become real-
but only real for me.
Like in town the other day
Convinced myself some shit was
about to go down
Seeing things that may or may not
have been there
Undercover cops? Really?
Immediately inducing heightened
anxiety
Sending my thought processes wild
Making erratic decisions and
movements
I get home triggered, exhausted
Sad.
Freakin’ sad.
I just want to sleep
I wake up the next day
I can’t feel the sun
I can’t go back to sleep
I have to wait out the day
In a cold darkness, only i can feel
Everyone else’s misery loves company
Mine is… self reliant. Lol
My misery loves to fester. Alone. Running
wild in this cold darkness
that only i can feel
I miss the sun
I need the sun
I thought I was the sun.
Fuck
These are the worst days
No amount of logic works
No amount of crying helps
Where’s the sun???
Why do we keep coming back here
Back to wanting out.
Out, like out.
Fuuuuuck.
***
Today was hard
Harrowing
Started well. Walked to town
Fuck
I’m way too tensed up to even feel exhausted
I feel like I’m on hyper-alert mode
Too tensed up to self-soothe
Fuck
Eat. Sleep.
I live to fight again tomorrow
***
Awake
Able to leave the house
Present-ish. Haven’t really spent time with my
inner self
Feeling out of touch with that inside voice
Still, I feel guided
Determined. As fuck.
Spending time alone but not really having alone time
Here’s to a great Monday.
***
Grateful as fuck
I can see the abundance that is
already here
Happy as fuck
I’m able to recognize this as a paradise
moment
I love it here
I love everything about my present
Excited as fuck
For what is to come
My abundance is here
Thank you, universe
More please
