Bipolar Paranoia. Seven Day Spiral.

I feel-

Stuck. Low. Lil sad.

Dash of self pity.

Hopelessness trying to creep in.

(no, you can’t come)

Bored. Foggy. Fuzzy.

Ready for a  big, fat cozy bed.

I miss some people

Lover-friends mostly

21, I’m ready for our sex & tattoos weekend

Mon Bebe, chill companionship with warm undertones 

of friendship and romance

Tangawizi, always

(craving some escapist

penis sex. but not really.

niggas don’t deserve me)


I feel-

I want to sleep for at least 2 days straight



Anxious (you have been here way too long,

go to sleep. please)

Stuck in a loop of thoughts I’m constantly fighting off

When do I win this war?

I’m tired AF.


Sun isn’t shining as bright

I want to sleep

Until i can feel the sun again

Same fight, different day

New day, not exactly new strength

But just last week,

I was the sun

Now I can’t feel the sun

Let me sleep please

Just sleep and sleep and sleep

I can’t be alive in a world with no sun

Call me, solar powered


Unexplainable sadness

Life loses all flavor

How the fuck am I supposed to keep up with taking care of myself amidst all this chaos?


Fog. Anxiety

Imagining scenarios to the point they become real-

but only real for me.

Like in town the other  day

Convinced myself some shit was 

about to go down

Seeing things that may or may not 

have been there

Undercover cops? Really?

Immediately inducing heightened 


Sending my thought processes wild

Making erratic decisions and


I get home triggered, exhausted


Freakin’ sad.

I just want to sleep

I wake up the next day

I can’t feel the sun

I can’t go back to sleep

I have to wait out the day

In a cold darkness, only i can feel

Everyone else’s misery loves company

Mine is… self reliant. Lol

My misery loves to fester. Alone. Running

wild in this cold darkness

that only i can feel

I miss the sun

I need the sun

I thought I was the sun. 


These are the worst days

No amount of logic works

No amount of crying helps

Where’s the sun???

Why do we keep coming back here

Back to wanting out.

Out, like out.



Today was hard


Started well. Walked to town


I’m way too tensed up to even feel exhausted

I feel like I’m on hyper-alert mode

Too tensed up to self-soothe


Eat. Sleep.

I live to fight again tomorrow



Able to leave the house

Present-ish. Haven’t really spent time with my 

inner self

Feeling out of touch with that inside voice

Still, I feel guided

Determined. As fuck.

Spending time alone but not really having alone time

Here’s to a great Monday. 


Grateful as fuck

I can see the abundance that is

already here

Happy as fuck

I’m able to recognize this as a paradise 


I love it here

I love everything about my present

Excited as fuck

For what is to come

My abundance is here

Thank you, universe

More please

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