“Mom, I’m sorry! It was a mis- “
“Don’t listen to your mother, Dee. She’s just jealous,” Dad’s voice came over the phone.
I took the phone off my ear to stare at it in confusion.
What is happening?
“Mom? What is the problem?” I asked tentatively.
“The problem is the gift you got your father! Why would you give him such a gift?”
Ehn?
“Ignore her, Dee. It was her idea to open the gifts yesterday instead of today, but she claims my gift is disturbing her,” Dad said again.
“I’m sorry?”
“If you wanted to give your father a gift to help him listen to his messages, you should have given him a headset instead of a Bluetooth speaker. He has been disturbing me since last night!” Mom cried.
I sagged in relief. “Oh. I’m sorry, Mom. Maybe next time?”
“I love my gift, dear. Thank you,” my Dad assures me.
“You’re welcome,” I replied absentmindedly, mind spinning.
Did that mean that they hadn’t seen my pleasure rose?
“So have you opened all the gifts?” I asked slowly.
“Yes, we couldn’t wait until today so we opened ours. I love the chocolates and the perfume you got me. Thank you,” my mother adds.
“Did you open all the gifts?” I asked to be sure.
“Oh yes, apart from Kojo’s gifts. Your brother will open his today.”
Oh, thank goodness.
My brother Kojo was my parents’ six-year-old surprise baby.
“Oh, good. I want to come and add something to his gifts before he opens them,” I said quickly.
“Oh, he’s not here. We dropped him off at your grandmother’s last night with the gift bag,” Dad told me.
What?
“He’s at grandma’s?”
“Yes, so you will have to go there if you still want to add whatever it is you want to add. Or you could give it to him later,” Mom confirmed.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
“Okay, I’ll probably swing by her place then. Have a good day and Happy Valentine’s!”
“Happy Valentine’s, dear. If you were married, or at least had a boyfriend, it would have been more —”
I cut the line before she could pester me about my single status and reconnected the call with Gina.
“Well? What happened?” She demanded immediately.
“The good news is that they haven’t seen it —”
“Whew!”
” — the bad news is that it is most likely in my little brother’s gift bag, but he’s at my grandmother’s.”
She blew out a breath. “Oh no. You sent Mother Theresa a sex toy. We’re all doomed.”
“I didn’t send it to her. It just happens to be in her house.”
“In that case, my dear Dee, you better rush over there before Saint Theresa finds your little pleasure toy. On the bright side, she’s closer to you than your parents. You should get there in twenty-five minutes with an Uber. I can come over and wait for your client since I have a spare key. I will get there before 7 am.”
“Okay, great, thanks! Forget what I said earlier. You’re the best! I’ll leave the package on my centre table. The name on it is Sarah.”
“Right,” Gina laughs. “Just keep me posted.”
After we hung up, I ordered an Uber to my grandmother’s house in Dansoman. Luckily for me, there was one just five minutes away. I ordered the ride and dressed quickly in the first outfit I saw — blue jeans and a black halter top – to wait for my ride.
Thirty minutes later, I was knocking on my grandmother’s gate.
Her housekeeper, Naomi, let me into her cosy single-story house and informed me that my grandmother was out in the backyard drinking her morning tea.
“Did you see the white gift bag my parents came with when they dropped my brother?” I asked Naomi.
“Oh yes, Dee. It’s on the dining table,” she assured me.
I rushed to the dining room, feeling a deep wave of relief when I spotted the white gift bag on the dining table. I practically ran to it, taking out the wrapped boxes I had given to my brother. The chocolates and kiddie tablets were there, and so were the anime figures and toy race cars. What wasn’t there, was the red and white box which my rose sex toy came in.
Confused and disappointed, I replaced everything into the large gift bag and called Gina.
“Babe, did you find it?” she demanded immediately the call connected.
“No,” I exclaimed in disappointment. “The gift bag is here, but no rose toy.”
“Then where could it be?”
“I don’t know,” I started, then stopped short with wide eyes when I recognised the white plastic bag lying on the dinner table.
I groaned. “Oh no. No no no.”
“What is it?” Gina asked anxiously.
“I’ve seen the white plastic bag that I put the toy in. It’s on my grandmother’s dining table. Empty.”
“Oh, goodness, Dee, do you think your grandma found it?”
“I don’t know,” I wailed. “If my grandma sees it, I will be doomed for life.”
“Why don’t you go and ask her? Remember that if she has indeed seen it, you can feign ignorance and tell her that there must have been a mix-up.”
“Of course, she has seen it. Why else would the plastic bag I tied it up in be lying here empty?”
“Stop wailing and go find out,” Gina urged in exasperation.
“Fine, I’m going,” I responded, walking toward the backyard where Naomi had told me she was.
“If I don’t call you back in twenty minutes, I’ve probably been lectured to death over the dangers of worldly pleasures.”
Gina laughed. “Don’t be dramatic. Let me know how it goes. All the best!”
“Thanks,” I replied, biting my lip nervously.
