Written by: Mariam Seme
My sister got married at 19. At the time, she believed it was what she wanted, but now, at 24, she is divorced with a 3-year-old son and starting over from scratch. The situation around my sister’s marriage made me question the nonchalant manner in which women’s issues concerning divorce are handled. The lack of urgency, dismissal, and delay I witnessed during her divorce process was beyond me. I fought for her because I didn’t want my sister to be cheated, used, and be stigmatized by society. She was barely 21 and already had a child. I questioned why she had to be the one to fend for the child alone at such a young age, and against all the holding back I was told to do, I reached out to the Imam who officiated their marriage. This action led to several gatherings of both families and the religious leaders, but it was all talk and no action.
After a few months of no results, I convinced my family to return the bride price and for us to help her file for a divorce so she can at least be free. It took about six months for us to get a court hearing, and when we finally did, the husband didn’t show up in court, and nothing was done to follow up—by the court or the husband’s family members. As part of the arrangement, we requested joint custody and compensation to support her university enrollment, especially since her husband had promised to sponsor her education before their marriage. The judge granted the divorce but only addressed child custody, advising both parents to care for the child. We didn’t have proof that the husband had agreed to sponsor her education prior to the marriage except word of mouth, so the argument didn’t hold enough ground.
I thought my sister’s case was treated dismissively because of the lack of proper channels or money for legal representatives, but when I spoke to Aisha* (a divorced Muslim woman who worked in a bank), I realized it wasn’t just that; it’s the system—a system that fails women in both ways, whether she’s the one filing for a divorce or the one being divorced—especially if she didn’t get married through the court of law. In Aisha’s case, it was her husband who filed for divorce, and her advice to Muslim women getting married or planning to is to read more and educate themselves about their rights in marriage.
“How do you divorce someone you have been married to for over 11 years and expect her to leave the house without caring about where she and her children will stay? Leave and go where?” She lamented about her past situation.
“Why can’t women sue for alimony?” I asked.
“Sue, where?” she laughed. “The vilest treatment of women that I have seen was at Shariah courts. They will tell the women to go and live with their relatives.”
She also added, “Every divorced Muslim lady I know does not live with their so-called brothers or fathers according to what the Quran dictates for women; instead, they are left alone, working low-wage jobs with no family/communal support. Except for the ones lucky enough to find supportive families without many problems of their own.”
Finally, I asked Aisha if she will ever consider marriage again.
“It is a sin for a divorced Muslim woman to want to remarry in this part of the world; they will say what are the chances she won’t leave again? I am not considering a second marriage,” she replied.
The Religious and Cultural Effect of Divorce on Muslim Women
In northern Nigeria, especially where it is normal for a girl child to be married off as early as 14 years old, the ripple effect on these women over the years is harmful for women’s autonomy. While reading about Divorce for Muslim women in Nigeria, I noticed that the perception of divorce is so screwed up in society, especially when it comes to women—and it is based on religious and man-made cultural expectations. This phenomenon needs to stop. A woman who divorces is considered a woman who has failed to fulfil her duties as a wife—or, worse, a failure and a sign of inadequacy. Marriage is about compatibility and if it doesn’t work out, Islam gives them the freedom to part ways.
Divorce carries a heavy cultural burden, and Muslim women face additional complexities due to religious expectations. This study on the negative effects of divorce on muslim women highlights how divorce is often practiced in Northern Nigeria in ways that disproportionately harm women. Women face economic hardships, psychological trauma, difficulty in remarrying, and more. Women may be reluctant to divorce, even in abusive or emotionally damaging marriages, due to fear of their faith. Contrary to this, men divorce their wives with ease, often by saying saki uku (I will divorce you) three times, which, according to Islam, makes the separation final and irreversible.
Talaq in Arabic means to untie, to free. Technically, Talaq is a religious power vested in a Muslim husband to disown his wife as and when he wishes: “Men are maintainers of women, because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property (on their maintenance and dower). A wife cannot divorce her husband of her own accord. She can separate the husband only when the husband has delegated such a right to her or under an agreement.”
As a result of these rules on divorce, women (often with children) with no means of livelihood are left unprepared and without support, forced to return to their parental homes. Although Islamic law (Shari’ah) mandates that women be given their legal rights and a parting gift (muta’a) upon divorce, these provisions are frequently ignored.
The Aftermath of Divorce for Muslim Women
According to Islamic teachings, if divorce must occur, it should be pronounced on three separate occasions and only when the wife is in a state of purity. A husband who pronounces divorce to his wife three times cannot remarry her until she has married another man and he has also divorced her willingly. The first pronunciation of the divorce is called Talaq Ahsan (the most laudable divorce); the husband says “Talaq,” meaning “I will divorce you,” one time. This first pronunciation is revocable and can be resolved between both parties or through third-party intervention only after the woman has completed three menstrual cycles (three months)—this waiting period is called iddah. The second pronunciation is called Talaq Hasan (laudable divorce); the husband pronounces “Talaq” before the woman’s menstrual period and another “Talaq” when she finishes her menstrual cycle. This second pronunciation can also be revoked by the husband and the marriage can continue and the talaq becomes ineffective. The third pronunciation is called Talaq Biddat (triple talaq); the husband pronounces “talaq” three times. The man doesn’t need to cite any reason for the divorce and the wife doesn’t need to be present at the time of the pronouncement. This third pronunciation is an irrevocable form of divorce. However, it is not considered a proper form of divorce even though it is acknowledged.
If divorce separates a man from his wife, he must seek her assistance in caring for their child, or he may seek help from another woman if the child’s mother agrees. In most Islamic Societies, it is generally unacceptable for a divorced woman to live alone (as is usually also the case with unmarried women). In most situations, women who find themselves divorced are mandated to return to live with their parents or in the households of another close relative.
Even with these teachings that are according to the sunnah, there are many hiccups embedded in the proceedings. Firstly, men are given the power to use divorce as a tool to keep women in check or let them go when they please. Secondly, the attitude of the court towards women asking for a divorce—she is requested to swear even after having three genuine witnesses, including her father. Many believe that this requirement to swear has no basis in the Qur’an or Hadith. Thirdly, the religious and cultural ways of ensuring that a woman isn’t allowed to live a life of her own except under a man or family member don’t sit right with me.
I view this as a restriction on women’s lives, even for those who are unmarried. Men, on the other hand, are free to live as they please. Women are still being watched, held accountable for how they live their lives, and judged for being divorced. This scrutiny keeps Muslim women grounded in the societal expectations, as they’re considered promiscuous if they try to find love or companionship again, even after marriage. It is unfortunate that the aftermath of divorce doesn’t favour muslim women in Nigeria in cultural and religious terms.
Changing The Narratives
Unlike men who can easily divorce their wives, women have limited rights to initiate divorce. Under certain agreements, a wife may divorce her husband either through Khul‘i (where she offers financial compensation to him, essentially buying her freedom from the marriage) or through Mubarat (which is a divorce by mutual consent of both the husband and wife). This creates a power imbalance where women have little control over the dissolution of their marriage. In most cases, marriages in Islam do not provide women with equal partnership.
Muslim women who request a divorce from their marriage are considered brave, and they are, because doing so is not the norm. Divorce is usually used as a form of threat—a way for men to keep their wives in check, or else they will take away their given rights in the household. Divorce in Islam is intended to be a moral, self-restricting, and self-correcting act. Yet, some men disregard these rules due to negative religious and cultural influences.
While divorce is viewed as a taboo in cultural and religious societies, it can also be considered as an act of reclaiming one’s independence. Many Muslim women, once freed from oppressive marriages, can find a renewed sense of self-worth and empowerment. Exploring this duality, the challenge of societal rejection and the empowerment that comes with autonomy could serve as a powerful feminist narrative.
For Muslim women in Nigeria, divorce is a complex and often painful process, but as women, we must slowly shift toward more progressive views. It’s important to continue advocating for legal and cultural changes that allow women to divorce without fear, stigma, or oppression. In doing so, we honor their autonomy and celebrate their agency in making decisions about their own lives.
