To the woman who is struggling to make ends meet, I feel you. I’ve been there, and I know how hard and powerless it feels when you’re doing so much and still struggling. You’re so hard-working but don’t have enough to show for all the sweat and tears you’ve put into the work you do. You go to bed worried and wake up worried about not having enough to cover basic costs and wondering when you’ll ever have enough. You dream of being able to go to bed without thinking about how to stretch the little you have until you earn again, and you dream of better days where you can buy things just because you find them pretty. I know it seems difficult now, but that dream is going to become a reality. Keep pushing in faith in a focused direction, and abundance will find you soon.
To the woman who struggles to put herself first, I get you. You’ve become so accustomed to putting everybody’s needs and desires before yours that you’ve almost lost sight of your sense of self. Your actions always prioritise making everyone else happy, which has caused you to forget what it feels like to genuinely have a choice. You don’t remember the last time you did anything just because you wanted to and not because that’s what someone else wants.
You spend hours in the kitchen but always take the least: the smallest meat, the chicken that is slightly burnt, or the smallest bowl of soup because someone wants extra. You hide your pain when others show theirs and help heal their sprain while you hide your throbbing wound. Baby, I understand that you love to make others happy, but sometimes, you have to choose your happiness too. It’s okay to hide that bag of Famous Amos cookies and eat all of it when no one else is there. It’s okay to choose the best piece of chicken for yourself after labouring in the kitchen for hours. It’s okay to say you’re tired when someone you love needs your help, and it’s also okay to insist on a movie you want to watch instead. It’s okay to lie in bed doing nothing but watching funny TikTok videos if you don’t want to go out with friends. And baby, it’s okay to let people know you’re hurt too and can’t be their nurse when you need a doctor yourself. Striking a balance between others’ needs and yours is essential. Choosing yourself is not selfish; it’s human, it’s self-love and it’s healthy.
To the woman who never feels like she’s enough, I see you. You’re more than enough; every second, every hour and every day. You may not be as smart, as tall, as curvy, or as pretty as you wish you were, and you may not have the kind of hair or skin you desire. You may not have everything you want, and you may not have your life all sorted out or have accomplished the big dreams you set out for yourself. But remember that you’re always enough. You’re enough when you feel beautiful in that dress that compliments your body, and you’re enough when you wake up in the morning with a fresh face and hair askew. Being enough was never about what you’ve been able to do or what you look like. Being enough comes from the inside; you were created complete, whole, and deserving of grace, love, and happiness. You’re enough because you give all of yourself, and you deserve it in return. You’re enough because you’re unique, irreplaceable, and just you. You’re enough because you’re woman.
To the woman who never seems to find the right man, I’m sorry. You’re a lover girl, and you put yourself out there each time hoping to find the one, but it never happens. Each relationship is an even bigger disappointment than the previous one. You pour so much into your partners and rarely get it reciprocated. You give everything: love, care, and attention, but somehow it’s never enough. You’ve started to question yourself, wondering if you somehow deserve the constant disappointments and heartbreak. You know deep down that you give your best, but the situation is breaking your spirit, and you’re doubting yourself. My darling, often, to find the best relationship, one has to first be content with being without. You have to take some time to date yourself and enjoy all the effort you put into other people. Once you are comfortable with being alone and have set a standard for yourself on how you want to be treated, it’s easier to attract the kind of relationship you want. Spend some time getting to know someone before committing fully. It also makes it easier to spot red flags. And trust that the love you deserve will come to you, because, my love, you don’t have to settle for tears because of fear of being alone.
To the woman who feels trapped in an unhappy marriage, I’m sorry. This was not the life you envisioned for yourself or what you expected marriage to be like. The idea of remaining in your current situation forever fills you with dread, yet the prospect of ending it also evokes fear. You lie in bed late at night wondering how it all went wrong. How did the laughter and romance turn into fights and indifference? Sometimes you wonder if you had made a mistake and whether it had all been worth it.
Sweetie, sometimes, when a relationship has a strong foundation, even when you lose yourselves along the way, you can find your way back to what you were before. Other times, what is broken cannot be glued back together without cracks. Letting go could be the only way to find new happiness, but nobody can know the right choice except yourself. When you think of your life in a few years, what does it look like? When you contemplate them not being in your life anymore, what does it feel like? Do you feel relief, regret, or loss? Do you feel two of those or all three? At the end of the day, I can only say choose yourself. But choosing yourself means different actions to different women. Nobody knows the variables in your situation as much as you do, and nobody else has lived your experience and felt your pain or loss. What will choosing yourself mean? Nobody knows the answer to that as well as you do.
And to all the other women I didn’t speak about, you’re not alone. I see you, I empathise with you, and I pray for you. I may not be every woman at this moment, but I have been, am, or could have been you. I am the woman you meet everyday; the stylist who fixes your hair, your cashier at the bank, the stranger who compliments your skin, and the lady who sells fruits by the roadside. I feel your pain, and I share in your struggles. Even more, I share in the hope that life will be better for each of us. At the end of the day, having one another makes the load a little lighter and the struggles a lot easier.
To all the women struggling with something, life will get better. I love you, I’m rooting for you, and I pray that you get the life and love you deserve.
Love, A. Duchess.
