And For The Lady, Perhaps Some Head?

“Fuckkkkkkkkkkk,” Malik groaned as he came on her stomach. He was still on top of her, with his hands planted firmly on either side of her body. His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath. Sweat trickled down his face, and some of the droplets landed on Bintu, who was still lying beneath him. She looked down at one and flicked it away with her index finger and thumb. 

She watched Malik try to steady his breathing before he got off her. 

He strolled casually to the bathroom, his limp dick dangling as he walked. His body was loose with the ease of a man whose needs had been completely met. 

Bintu took the pillow he had used to raise her hips during sex, pressed it over her mouth, and screamed into it with frustration. The sound went nowhere. 

She could hear Malik whistling as he turned on the shower. She sat up and listened carefully, and only after she was sure he was under the water did she reach into the bedside table for her purple rose toy. She parted her legs slowly, turned the toy on, and placed it directly against her clit. She gently touched her own breasts, curled her legs, and began to moan softly. She was letting herself go somewhere Malik had never bothered to take her. A slow tension began to coil and build low in her stomach, and she was completely lost in it that she didn’t hear Malik walk back into the room.

“WTF — we just finished having sex, Binny,” his voice rang across the room and jolted her. 

Bintu jerked her head up. She wanted to stop, but she couldn’t, so she signaled at him to keep his voice down as she kept going. She was close. Almost there. The wave was right there, she could feel it cresting…

“Bintu!!!” Malik yelled again.

And just like that, it was gone.

She removed the toy and without thinking, hurled it at him. He was quick enough to dodge it and this irritated her even further.

“You wanted to hit me?” Malik shouted, his voice cutting through the room.

If it was two years ago, or last year, or even last month, Bintu would not have dared throw it. And if she had, she would have scrambled up to apologize. But this was not last month. Today’s Bintu was not the meek, gentle version he had grown comfortable with. Today’s Bintu was starved, and she was done pretending. 

She slapped a hand across her face as she lay there staring at the ceiling. She braced herself for the eruption she could feel gathering in Malik’s voice.

“Bintu, I asked you a question. Were you trying to hit me? And when did you even get that vibrating thing?”

“Rose toy.”

“Excuse me?”

“It is called a rose toy, Malik. That is what it is. And yes — if you hadn’t dodged it, I would have hit you.

I am sick and tired of this. We have sex, you finish, and that’s it. Every single time. It is always about you, when you want it, how you want it. You don’t want foreplay, you won’t go down on me…”

“I knew it.” He slammed his towel to the ground. “That is what this is about. That thing! Binny, I don’t like it and you know it. I think it is a disgusting thing to do, especially as a man. There is something wrong about putting your mouth where blood comes from. And kneeling between a woman’s legs is not something that a real man does.”

“Oh, but me kneeling in front of you with your cock in my mouth — that is fine?”

Silence.

“I asked you a question, Malik. Answer it. Is that fine?”

“Well..” He shifted. “Women are built to submit, so…”

“Alright then,” Bintu said quietly. “I am done submitting.”

She got up and went to the bathroom to wash off his remains, which were already drying on her skin. She came back into the room, walked to the wardrobe, brought down her box, and began packing her things inside.

Malik stared in utter disbelief. “I don’t understand. What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?”

“You want to leave? By the time of the night? Because I won’t go down on you?”

Bintu said nothing and kept packing.

“Do you know how that sounds when you tell people? You are leaving because I won’t give you head?”

She still said nothing. It was when she reached up for her wigs that he realised she was actually serious about it. He began to panic.

“Okay, Okay, fine. Come back to bed, let me try.” His voice had changed with a hint of uncertainty.

Bintu didn’t respond. When she was done packing, she zipped the box, gripped the handle, and dragged it towards the door. 

Malik grabbed her by the arm.

“Stop this now, ahn ahn. I said I will do it. Come on.”

She snatched her arm free without looking at him and dragged the box out of the room and down the stairs.

She texted Rayo to see if she was still awake. The message double ticked, and without waiting for a reply, she opened the Bolt app and started booking.

Malik appeared at the top of the stairs and watched her open the front door. The silence that followed her exit seemed to hit him all at once. He was confused. A few minutes ago they had been in bed together, and now she was gone with her box and all. 

Was it really because he had refused? This wasn’t the first time she had asked and he had refused, but she stayed. So what was different about tonight?

Outside the gate, Bintu stood in the dark as she waited for her driver, who was now four minutes away. She didn’t want to go back inside because she knew if she did, if she stood long enough in that house, something in her would give away. She didn’t want Malik to see her cry. She didn’t want Malik to think she was crying over “that”.

When the car arrived, she confirmed the plate number, lifted her box into the boot, and slid into the back seat. She rested her head against the headrest and pressed her eyes shut, holding back the tears that were slowly gathering. 

The thing is, she wasn’t leaving because he wouldn’t go down on her. It was never only that. It was the way his face would tighten with irritation the moment she brought it up. He treated it as though her desires were an inconvenience. It was the way he had said it once in front of his friends, his shoulders raised. He had shaken his head vehemently as he mentioned how he could never kneel in front of a woman. He and his friends had laughed, and no one looked at her. She had forced a laugh too, in an uncomfortable way, but he didn’t notice. 

It was the way Malik had always dismissed her feelings each time she brought up their sex life. It was the way she had looked from one friend to the other as they yapped about their sexual escapades during a dinner, and how much she envied them even though she had a man.

There were other things too. Like the way he believed a man should never lower himself before a woman, yet had no trouble kissing his female boss’s ass. He would even bend his head in respect while on a call with her. 

It was the way he never for once objected when she got on her knees to give him blowjob, the way he never paused to ask if she was okay and never thought to offer anything in return. 

She planned all his birthdays with care and intentionality because she had actually paid attention to him. She knew his favorite things, even the things he casually mentioned in passing, and she got them for him. Yet on her own birthday, he made little effort, and even the blind could see it. She would intentionally mention some of the items she wanted to Malik, and he would still get whatever he wanted for her. It was always about Malik and what he wanted. 

Malik this, Malik that. 

He never considered her when making important decisions, like when he bought his first and second piece of land. He would only tell her after he was done making them. 

She was tired of everything. She missed the woman she was before she met Malik. She missed the woman who always prioritised herself, the one who would not wait before she got things done. The one who never shrunk herself for anybody. The one who could go out with her friends without worrying whether he had remembered to take the food out of the freezer. The one who ordered anything that she wanted without any influence. 

Malik had always ordered for her, always chosen what he thought she would want when he could have just asked.

Malik was horrible. Why had she stayed with him all these years? Was it love or was it because she was used to him already. He wasn’t this terrible when they first met, he had been okay, not great, but at least okay. 

Her phone lit up with a notification. She didn’t check it. She already knew it wasn’t him. Malik never reached out after a fight. He would wait because he was confident that she would come back first, and when she didn’t, he would send a long message, and that was it.

She shook her head as she thought about all the things she had had to endure with him. She knew she had had enough. She opened their chat on WhatsApp and deleted it. Then, she moved to other social media platforms, one by one. She deleted the chats and unfollowed him. She hovered over their shared photo album for a moment, her thumb over it. She didn’t open it because it would make her second guess her decision . She already knew what was inside, the good and early days, evidence of the person he had been when he was still trying. She hesitated a bit because what if he reached out again — which he will; what if he apologises and actually changes this time around?

But she knew Malik too well, she knew he would never change. And so, for her final act of love for herself, she pressed delete album and just like that, she deleted all the memories of them together.

The driver turned into Rayo’s street. Through the window she could already see her standing outside. 

Bintu got out of the car as soon as the driver parked. She was home.