What kind of porn do you watch? By guest contributor Proudly Ugandan

I am sexually sad.

I have watched so much porn recently that at one point I genuinely contemplated the idea that someone had bewitched me. I had my suspicions too. Not too long ago an angry young woman found some correspondence between myself and her boyfriend about an AirBnB arrangement. She contacted me of course. I ignored her of course. He tried to explain the situation but ever since it feels like my life has turned to shit. I can’t seem to focus on my work, I am drinking more than usual. That’s not true. I am drinking as much as usual. Not exercising at all and eating way too much. Mostly though, I am spending a worrying amount of time on xnxx.

I don’t know what is happening to me.

Normally a weeks or so to my periods I am insatiably horny. Partner or not; I usually indulge in a bit of xnxx or literotica depending on what my mbs will allow.

This time though it has been three weeks and no period in sight. I don’t suspect pregnancy because I have not had sex for a while. I am in one of those phone sex, long distance relationships which is headed towards should we sleep with other people. Him (no). Me (I have been but I won’t admit. So, yes). But that’s beside the point.

I am really sexually sad.

What concerns me about my time on xnxx is how depraved I feel during and after buffering through those clips. As a former film student, I spend half the time noticing errors like a boom in the shot, a jump-cut that doesn’t make sense and sometimes I can even tell when and how often the actors had to re-shoot the scene. There was one particular scene between a couple where I noticed another man casually jerking off through the reflection of the mirror.

This critical analysis often leads to more browsing. Sometimes I spend half a day before I can get off to the perfect fifteen minutes.

Tell me though; why do men slap vaginas and spit in another person’s mouth? Who is jerking off to this? One minute they are kissing, the next a stream of saliva is being hurled across the screen. Don’t even get me started on the whole “cumming in the eye business.” When I go down on a man I  swallow every bit so I don’t have to look at his cum. If it accidentally gets on my chin the clothes are going back on.

But back to the porn.

I used to enjoy the teacher/student over the knee role-play.  I felt the same about a particular type of Asian porn categorised under doctor voyeurism. In these particular clips, a patient visits a doctor. A cloth is hung between patients upper body and nether regions and the perverted doctor starts to touch, then lick then have their way with said patient. I remember a few years ago I went to a gynecologist appointment and had to think of death in order to shut down the memory of these clips.

I cant watch these clips anymore because ever since #Metoo all I can think about is Lupita unwillingly massaging a producer or other helpless women getting forced to jerk off a man. I am suddenly disgusted by male porn actors enjoying the fantasies of “high school students” and the girls in the Asian clips seem to be getting younger. I tried to watch black porn but it feels like spying on a close relative. I also find black female pornstars too loud and theatrical which is nothing like my own experience.

So I browse a bit more.

Threesomes just get annoying because I am always sympathetic with the person that is getting the least attention. Lesbian porn is boring after the first two attempts. I explored a bit of step daddy scenarios but that made me feel guilty especially how much they turned me on. One of my biggest fears in life is needing surgery and receiving anesthesia. I always imagine blurting out my most depraved thoughts in front of family.  If the time comes, incestuous porn will not be one of them.

I can go on about distasteful porn but what’s the point. After hours and days and weeks I finally have some recommendations. The first time I saw Manuel Ferrara I had to pause the clip and look him up on twitter. I wanted to add him on facebook in case he ended up abandoning the industry, breaking up with his pornstar girlfriend Kayden Kross, and moving to Uganda. I spent hours analysing his AMA responses on reddit, laughing at his jokes and imagining him under my covers. I honestly don’t care if he spat and came in my eye. His is a tongue that does not belong to one woman. He has a signature move of whispering vulgarities in women’s ears that put them over the edge. I can’t stand it when women are obviously faking it during adult movies and with my Manuel they rarely are.

I also discovered George an older balding European who can be found by browsing the massage or yoga categories. More specifically under Nunu-an erotic collection. The buildup in these stories is nice but the oils get a bit distracting. George is the king of the massage table. He also sounds amazing when he cums.

I realise now that there was no foul play in my recent porn interest. No witchcraft whatsoever. I just want to watch porn and walk away feeling as valued as I would in real life. These two men focus on female pleasure and it is obvious in the way their partners respond to them. After I watch them I am definitely less sad, certainly less horny and almost ready to take on my growing to-do-list. Maybe after this, I will spend less time browsing porn.  Just to be safe; I am spending the next week working in a public place with supervised internet. In case this doesn’t work; what kind of porn do you watch?