Arguably, one could say that many relationships are determined by that first kiss. I am of the opinion that a kiss, like a person’s eyes, is a window into that person’s soul. How does your man approach his kiss with you? Is he intense, shy, forceful? How you kiss and are being kissed says a lot about you and the object of your desire…or in the case, your repulsion.
I want to share a ghastly experience that haunts me to this day. Ironically, said ghastly experience brings a deep chuckle to my good friend (and co-blogger) Nana, whenever we have occasion to bring it up.
In our secondary school years (back in 1996 when light skinned or ‘half caste’ guys were “in”) we shared a mutual interest in a particular young man with caramel colored skin, soft pouty lips and long eyelashes. We’ll just call him ‘Marboo’. Marboo was from Liberia and was very different from Ghanaian boys. He had a swagger and an “I don’t care-ism” about him that appealed to us both. Nana and I had watched other foolish girls on our campus fall out with each other over the pursuit of boys, and we made a pact: Whoever Marboo showed the most interest in would be free to date him without the interference of the other. In fact, we would support the other in such an event.
After a few weeks of co-courting, Marboo decided it was I that he was interested in. I was elated! I traveled from Labone to community 12 in Tema to visit him whenever I could. After a few weeks of taking it slow, Marboo decided to go in for the kill when I visited him at his home one evening. He suggested that we go for a stroll around his neighborhood and took me to a remote corner, where the only feature of interest was a cinder-block wall. Marboo inched closer to me. The first thing I noticed is that he smelled of sweat and Lifebuoy soap. Not very pleasing to the senses, but whatever. I waited in breathless anticipation for our mouths to touch. He pushed me forcefully against the wall (ooohh, hot!!) and began to assault my face with a barrage of…kisses? In no time did his mouth touch mine. His lips were everywhere, leaving spittle and slobber and SPIT all over my face and hair. I think I felt some drip down my neck. I starred at him in disbelief when it was all over. He mistook the look for awe, or perhaps appreciation.
“I hope you enjoyed that,” he said.
“Yeah,” I said. “That was something.”
He asked me to walk HIM home and once he was safely at his doorstep, I took a taxi…straight to Nana’s house to tell her about what had just transpired. She cackled the same way then as she does today when we talk about Marboo and the night he bathed me with his mouth. I never spoke to him again after that, despite his lazy attempts to ‘stalk’ and contact me.
What’s the worst kiss you have ever had to endure? Please share. I don’t want to feel like I am alone in this.
uploaded on behalf of Abena
21 comments On He Killed Our Relationship with a Kiss
Oh my goodness! You have taken me back in time!!!I had completed forgotten about Marboo,I wonder what happenned to him…he was so cute but I am sooo glad you ended up as the object of his affections, lol!
On the subject of kissing..hmmm, in my opinion even people who are amazing lovers can be crap kissers. I suspect it’s because for some people kissing is more intimate than sex so unless they are emotionally connected to you then they can’t kiss you like they mean it
Nana
Oh have I suffered at the hands (or should I say lips) of many an African man. WHY OH WHY are so many of them such RUBBISH kissers? Who said I wanted my nostrils licked? Didn’t they watch sunset beach? Or were they too busy staring at tits to learn some tips from the smoochy moments? Ugh…its disgusting.`
On a brighter note however, I did meet a guy not long ago who smells A-MAAAZING and kisses like a dream. A very conservative me (input on abstinence discussion coming soon) actually kissed this man for a what was probably a full minute in the middle of a train station concourse – he’s that good.
But back to my bad experiences – once I’d been flirting with this guy all night and we were finally alone and had been nuzzling for a while till the anticipation got th better of him and he SHOVED his cold, bumpy tongue straight down my throat. I think I remember coughing it up/out. Another guy put his lips over my mouth AND nose at the same time! Maybe he thought I needed resuscitating.
And what is it with guys with smelly noses?
Nana: Still laughing I see! 🙂
Asabea: I’m so glad someone else can relate! I’ve only met one African man who was a SUPERB kisser. Every other one seems to think that grabbing my a$$ constitutes as foreplay and has no idea what to do with his mouth.
AND “cold, bumpy tongue”??! EWWW! LOL good to know I’m not alone in this.
LOL Abena.. I can actually hear Nana’s Cackle. Ha!
Well if you are a bad kisser that is a turn off/deal breaker for me… bad breath and bad kisser.
the only terrible kiss that springs to mind was: slobbery.
Imagine a huge opening that swallowed my entire mouth.. saliva smeared all over my lips and just waay to much moisture and an over abundance of pressure, energy and excitement. I think I was even bitten or hurt by his teeth.
Yea to all the bad kissers out there. Thank you for helping me eliminate you… thats what I call Natural selection. 🙂
Ha! African women are no better at kissing. I have lost count of the number of women who have “watch[ed] sunset beach” and thus THINK they know how to kiss. It’s always a huge disaster. Of course, with time and coaching, everyone immproves. Every couple eventually finds their kissing groove. It takes some talking and coaching on both sides. Kissing should not be sucky!
I’m a ghanaian woman, but most of my male experiences have been with african-american or west indian men. I have only had 2 kissing experiences with Ghanaian men – none with any men from other African countries. I have had some amazing kissing experiences, but both of my Ghanaian experiences have been not so good.
The funny thing is, both of these Ghanaian men were born and raised outside of Ghana. I never thought of it as an “African problem”, probably due to my limited experiences with African men. but after reading this blog, I am starting to come to that conclusion! What the hell! is it inborn?? I am not saying I believe that all African men cannot kiss, but I am starting to think that it is common a enough problem to create a stereotype!
Why is that? What is it about African men that make their kisses so wet and sloppy? I was reading some of the comments about “wet tongues” and “licking nostrils” and “drool” and I had to laugh because these are the exact images that come to mind when i think of these men’s awful kissing skills!
A lot of women on here have expressed that upon one bad kiss, the guy has to go. What if you meet a guy that you really like, and that is really the only bad thing about him? As much as women say a kiss can make or break the deal, we have to admit that once we get it in our heads that we like a man, it takes a lot for us to just discard him. Is there any one that has dealt with a man that can’t kiss, and made it work? What did you do? did you ever bring up the issue with him? how did he respond to it? Please share..
Sorry…this was long!
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/how-to-fix-a-bad-kisser-443259/
How to fix a bad kisser. 🙂
Randomly.. saw this online…
BrownAangel, I completely agree with you. Those over enthusiastic guys with their teeth, tongues and lips tend to be the ones who think they are rocking your world with “in and out” (if they should be so lucky to get so far!). A bad kiss is a total deal breaker.
But I do agree with Awansona. There should be some coaching to make the other person a better kisser IF you care enough about the person to pursue another round. But in fact, some of these guys are just so too known and feel like you can’t teach them ANYTHING! I wouldn’t waste my effort on someone like that.
I am cringing and laughing at the same time (looks quite weird actually). Bad kissers are so…ugh! I won’t count the ones from high school, I’ll just chalk that down as inexperience and hope that those slobberers have learnt since then (my friends and I called one of them “fish lips”).
My one “grown up” experience with a Ghanaian man was disastrous. He left a lot of saliva on my face (which by the way guys, does NOT smell nice). He also left A LOT of saliva in my ears (I don’t know how that one happened) and one of my ears was blocked for a couple of days.
I’m sure there are some African men who are good kissers out there, but I’m not willing to go through the whole lot to find out. I nearly lost an ear for crying out loud!
@all the women commenting – do you think the issue is we are expecting the guys to be good kissers? How about we become good kissers, initiate the kiss and show the men (that’s if you are heterosexual) how we want to be kissed. How about women who kiss women? Is the experience better
@anon – Hmm, in response to your question about meeting a guy who is a bad kisser but that’s the only bad thing about him? I’ll keep him, show (or tell) him what I like…or maybe just not kiss him (on the lips) very much
Somehow I don’t think it’s a gender thing, there are good kissers and there are bad kissers, period. Having kissed both men and (few) women, I can say that there are good and bad ones in both camps.
A good kiss is gentle, not too wet, at times playful, always sensual 🙂
I’ve read this entry a couple times now and each time, I just giggle… and say “EW” because a sloppy kiss is just disgusting. lol
As for me, I actually have never had any horrific experiences. Some guys were better kissers than others, but none were terrible. At the same time, I haven’t kissed that many people.
But reading these comments are not making me happy about dating African men! LOL I really hope it’s a stereotype and not the truth. If it’s any hope, I kissed 2 Nigerian men and neither were bad.
Ok, I lied. My “horrific” experience was with one of the Nigerian men, but it was mainly because I felt it was too soon for us to be kissing. We had met like the day before and I’m NOT a casual relationship person at all. I wasn’t comfortable with it, and I never saw the guy again.
The other Naija boy, though…he was cool but also quite sexually aggressive (which would’ve been okay under other circumstances).
Hmm..as for the not kissing him so much dearr…i LOVE kissing. i dont think i could have a relationship without kissing. I have found a way around the slobbering, and i have actually started to enjoy kissing him. but once in a while when i let my guard down (especially when his head is over mine) its a drooling party all over again! ahhh! maybe one day ill find a nice way to say KEEP YOUR (excess) SALIVA TO YOURSELF! lol.
As to us expecting them to be good kissers, i dont think it is as much expecting as it is hoping that they are good kissers!! But i have had more good experiences than bad ones – so then I start to think thats the norm until I meet a drooler that destroys that notion!
I almost always felt like gaggin when I kissed my west indian ex- boyfriend. He would shove his tongue so deep .. oh lord! When i asked him why he kissed like that he would say that was passion! More like bad kissing, really bad kissing. The sex was as bad as the kissing.
On another note, I’m trying to figure out who this guy is and I think I have a vague idea (yea we went to the same school) who this is . Won’t start name calling now
lol…
I’m not surprised to notice that most of the comments are from ladies. Judging from all comments, men do need to up the ante.
When I was a teenager, I found out(I think from a movie or a book I read) that most ladies tend to judge a guy based on his kissing. This meant I had to learn how to do it, else…lol.
Anyways, I watched a couple of how-to videos, read some books and the rest was purely my imagination. I must say the first time I kissed someone, I must have done it right, cos there were several other times…:-)
I agree with one of the comments that said bad kissing is not about gender(cos I have met some girls who didn’t know what they were doing).
I guess we should all(male or female) just be humble enough and learn how to kiss your partner the way he or she wants to be kissed.
I like the blog entry…good piece
All these experiences about bad kisses, how about some pointers on what a mind-blowing, loin-stirring smooche should feel like?
Confession: I am an fledging when it comes to love, sex and everything in between; 23 years old and still awaiting Mr Wonderful’s descent from the very heavens (what can I say, I’m a typical Ghanaian ‘good girl’. Can’t be the only one…am I?).
Have only ever kissed one guy, it felt good at first until he decided to make a face mask of his mouth over my nose and mouth. He also did this strange thing where he wriggled his tongue rigidly from side to side inside my mouth.
I imagine kissing a woman might feel better? more soft? sensual?
talking about bad experiences i once kissed a girl and she broke down into histerical sobs and cries. i was lyk what tha …? it made me very self conscious until i jus asked her just last year after 2 years and she was lyk its cos she had a serious boyfriend!!! THANK GOD!!!
OMG! I'm in love with this blog. I didn't even think there was any such thing as a "bad" Ghanaian kisser. All the Ghanaian guys i've kissed have been pretty good. I definitely have a 'bad kiss' story though, oh and he wasn't Ghanaian.
.. There was this caucasian dude in my college that i met at a house party. The party was a little on the boring side, but there was a lot of alcohol….no surprise there, my friend whose birthday we were celebrating is Bulgarian (alcohol is like water for her). Anyhu, so this dude, lets call him X, and I hit it off, talked, and i was even teaching him how to dance, after awhile i gave up on the 'i'm going to teach this guy some rhythm' idea, and just resorted to just grinding with him. We left the party to just hang out in his apartment with some other friends. Next thing i knew we were making out … the night ended there though because i didn't want to have some random one night stand with this dude, seeing that we were both pretty wasted and a lil high.
We ended up friends though, went on a couple of dates and were watching 'Family Business' at his place when we started making out. OH EM GEEE!!! I WAS SOOO CONFUSED!!! WAT!! Homeboy was all over my face..saliva bathing my face..tryng to kiss the skin of my whole face. I was like what the hell..and how come i thought our first make-out session wasn't that bad (pro'ly because of the mixture of alcohol and weed – never again – the mixture i mean). It all felt like a dream, and then i just had to leave. After that i decided never to see him again.
I was so disappointed and so shocked…hweh, i even thought maybe it was a caucasian thing. Wow, i was in such a state of shock that i complained to my housemate (a guy), who told me to give the guy another chance. So i did..and then again…he got better…basically all i did was ==> ONCE HE STARTS HIS 'amma suck the skin right off ur face' NONSENSE, I WOULD JUST FIND HIS LIPS AGAIN…It didn't take King Solomon to tell him that homegirl probably prefer ur lips on her lips, no drooling..instead of all over her cheeks, nostrils..lol. He's an alright kisser now…. but he graduated and i can't be bothered with him now.
Oh and i also found out that ..no, it wasn't a caucasian thing..he was just an 'all over the place' boy!
I like this blog. My first time here and i am truly enjoying the experience. I have kissed three Ghanaian guys…four if you count the one time experience i had with one, which i did not care to repeat. The second guy’s kisses were to great, born and breed in Ghana but attended high school in the states, maybe that will account for his act of kissing. I wouldn’t mind experiencing that again. Anyway, i believe if the guy is a TERRIBLE kisser. Teach him what to do, not so much as say it, but tell him what pleases you in a kiss and i am sure he will die to fulfill your wish.
I can’t believe some people here are busy trying to make “bad kissing” a Ghanaian thing. I mean, how does schooling in the states make one a good kisser?
I think like most things, kissing is an art you learn. And if most guys and girls learn to keep their saliva to themselves (which has nothing to do with kissing anyway), their kissing skills will improve tremendously. We all get uncomfortable when somebody drools all over us. It’s disgusting.
Because we are all wired different biologically, I think it is okay to ask your lover how they like to be kissed, touched, etc. Never assume. Just because your ex liked that doesn’t mean your new lover will.
The most amazing kiss I’ve ever had happened this summer. Funny story, because before then I had never been kissed. I remember being drunk, heading out onto the dancefloor and finding that i was grinding this guy. At some point we started to kiss, and then disappeared out of the club and hid on another floor. This guy kissed me in the most loin stirring way, that we had to pull away from each other, and i was moaning through subsequent kisses. Needless to say, the moaning and the subsequently intensified kisses led to us going very far than night. He was a Spanish guy, and I’m yet to kiss a Ghanaian or African guy. In their defense though, i have kissed white guys who were horrible, the Spanish guy though, was memorable.