This blog has been inspired by Kwaku who wanted a few tips for men as ‘women are so complicated’. I always get baffled when men say women are complicated. Two almost contradictory thoughts tend to pop into my mind.
1. Women are really not that complicated.
2. Actually it’s a good thing to be ‘complex’. Being ‘complex’ implies you are interesting, that there is more to you than meets the eye, that your thoughts are not just one dimensional but multi-dimensional, layered and multi-faceted…
So what would you rather be?
Hmmm, where do I start when it comes to giving sex tips to men who have sex with women? I guess it is always a good idea to start with the personal so I shall share what has worked best for me and what I know to be true…
I mentioned in my previous post that apparently 70% of women have never had orgasms. I think this is because the way ‘we’ have sex is generally done in a manner which gives more pleasure to the male body rather than the female body. Let’s take the concept of foreplay for example. The whole idea of foreplay for me is problematic. Foreplay implies that there is a main act to follow whereas for a lot of women foreplay is the main play. The main act, if we think of it as ‘in out, in out’ is not always pleasurable for women especially if the clitoris is not being stimulated during the sexual act. Sex also tends to end when the man orgasms…
Now let’s flip the script. What if in the act of sex there is no foreplay or mainplay which ends with male ejaculation? What if sex is a series of pleasurable sensations which involve all our senses of touch, taste, smell? What if sex only ends when both parties have come? Maybe once, twice, thrice…
Here are my top tips for men – based on my personal preferences, all women are different 🙂
1. I like to be touched all over. Please do not just head to the obvious spots…the breasts and clitorises are not the only erogenous zones.
2. Don’t rush through foreplay. Foreplay is the main play.
3. Let’s flip the script from time to time. Sex can get boring when we do the same routine day in, day out.
4. Surprise me with a new trick that you have read about. Women are forever reading about ’10 ways to please your men in bed’ as featured in Cosmo or some other women’s magazine. I don’t see why men cannot read about what pleases women and practice.
5. Get acquainted with sex toys. They can add spice to your sex life.
6. Send me an erotic text to let me know you are thinking about me…it gets me ready even before we hook up.
7. Go down on me only if you want to. If you cannot do something with gusto please do not even try.
A final fail safe tip which should (hopefully) work for all women.
8. Ask me what I want from my partner in bed, or out of the bedroom for that matter…
Are these tips helpful gentlemen? Ladies, what are your thoughts? What are your top tips for men?
Nana Darkoa
14 comments On Sex Tips for Men who sleep with Women…
Of course they sound helpful. Can it wait while we try it out in practice? :))
1. Yes, i def. second the wanting to be touched all over, not just at the obvious places.
2. Don’t stick your effing tongue in my ear!
3. As for 7, for me it is not negotiable. You do, or we’re not meant to be together:) So i’ll change that to go down on me, ENJOY it and don’t be rough. Gentle lapping does it.
I must say I agree with what the writer says. Another good point is to gently guide your partner’s head/body in the right direction and at the right pace. He should get it, once he is not “thick” or totally selfish!
Random comments like “I like it when you do this or that” should give your partner a clue and you should soon see him implementing these little snippets of advice.
In summary, men need to pay attention. That is all a woman really needs….
Wow!! This is very helpful. Thanks
Wow this is of but chain, but please advice our ladies to participate in it.they see the whole show as amanly thing and therefore just lay on their backs and watch their guys cricify them like…………..personal advice to the ladies out there, making love or having sex (whichever way you will call it) is a two way affair.The job is not only on the mans shoulders.Sex is ment to be enjoyed by both partners.
thank you.
wow…
just tell me to do what i’m stopping and i would do it for you… (apart from this and that and this…)
hehehehehehehe…!
@Esi… your ear is too sensitive (hyper???) …. hahahahaha… ok… i’d just take heed!
sweeeeet!!!
Nana Yaw – I will be awaiting your feedback 🙂
Esi – Thanks for adding your tips. I like your stance on Tip number 7. We all need to have our ‘non -negotiables’
Miss Moneypenny – Well put. I am sure the men are taking note
Enoch – Thanks for the feedback!
Eyes Only – I totally agree that sex/making love is a two way ‘thing’. I just might write a post on ‘Tips for women who sleep with men…’
Novisi – I am not sure I understand what you mean by ‘just tell me to do what i’m stopping’ but thanks for stopping by
hmmmm…interesting peeps…lol
Esi i dont agree with u on 7. i think if he wants to then fine if he doesnt…den he doesnt.. i guess guyz will do 7. if it was cleaner and shaved… this goes both wayz actually…
Penny… men do pay attention…datz how come we have an evaluation form. we lyk to knw how we did each tyme ders an encounter and after dat we brain-storm on how to improve…
Nana abt 3. do u knw how many tymes guyz have tried to flip da script but da ladies are not interested and feel weird abt it. seriously dey are not open to new things.. its da same old thing 4 dem.. either Do**y or Missionary…etc
@novisi, gentle nibbling is ok but some people want to stick their whole tongue with saliva and everything in there. aba! But i shdn’t say never…maybe some women like it.
@B.O.N.T.I, hmm i haven’t seen many vaginas in my lifetime but what exactly is a dirty vagina? cleaner and shaved. if it’s squeaky clean, it loses the flavor! HAHA! please…some people love the funk and hair. seriously! Okay, i’m tripping. having too much fun with this obviously. On a more serious note, yeah, i agree with you that sisters ought to give brothers an incentive to munch.
Ok, I have to add, I don’t want a guy to go down on me the first time. I have to get in sync with you so wait till I give the hint.
Secondly, foreplay, foreplay, foreplay… Its the anticipation that does it for me. If you rush in, it wont work for me and that will be the last time I will show you my panties!:-) Erotic texts are “da bomb!”
And finally who said the bigger, the better? I personally don’t like too big. It hurts. Please write on size and let me see what others think too. Pretty please?
Mad Props to you women for starting this frank and informative blog!
*Esi….I totally agree with u on the tongue-in-the-ear thing. If I wanted my ear cleaned than I would prefer a q-tip/cotton bud. It is soooo not sexy!
*I agree with number 7. but some of us are way too self-conscious to enjoy the action anyway.
It seems Ghana guys are not so eager to go down there. I knew a man who never wanted head because he never wanted to feel obligated to go down on any girl. He said the thought made him feel ill. Some years ago I heard a pastor/sex counsellor on a GTV show talk how he could never bring himself to put the mouth that he ate with somewhere that was so dirty…he said it was dangerous and unhygienic. He of course was willing to stick his private bits there though.
Well done for the blog ladies!
*Jane Doe*
Ah. Now I see why you guys enjoyed the last meeting. There was a lot to talk about! 🙂
‘Bonti, trust me, women are willing to flip the script if they know they will be having a good time. Try and flip the script to try something the woman will enjoy. Ask her what else she will like to try. Unfortunately our cultural norms have made it difficult for some women to openly express their sexual wants and desires so you may need to be a little patient. Whilst on the subject of flipping the script it can also be very annoying if they guy just wants to perform sexual acrobatics and hold you in all sort of body contorting positions. That’s not what I want when we flip the script’.
‘Kayna, watch out for two very special blogs on penis sizes. Thanks for the suggestion!’
I don’t think the sex toys are helpful, but the foreplay are good