On Dating, Sex and Relationships: Younger Men versus Married Men

You shouldn’t have a problem” says a fairly new male acquaintance to me, “Where were you like a year ago?” We have been talking about relationships and sex…his assumption is that I’m an attractive woman and so should not be single. The comment about where I was a year ago is referring to his new status as a father and a fiancé hence no longer an eligible man. “That’s the thing”, I respond, “All the men I meet are either married or younger”…okay I can hear what some of you are thinking, “What is wrong with dating a younger man”. Hmmm, where shall I start from?

1. Men have issues when you earn more money than they do or are in a higher position at work – chances are if I date a man younger than I am then I will have to deal with those issues.

2. I have (thankfully) reached a stage in my life where I can afford to treat myself to some of the good stuff in life. A younger man in my life may not be at that stage yet (this point is directly related to point number 1).

3. If I was a 50 year old woman dating a younger man that would be so cool. A 31 year old woman dating a younger man? Okay it depends on the age gap but somehow not as cool.

Now to the issue of married men, can all married men stop “chasing” me please? Seriously, I have had enough. You are married, it is nasty, I fear to think what diseases you carry home to your wife and all your paramours. Enough already!

This is my challenge some of the time. I believe in networking. If networking can be considered a hobby then that is one of my hobbies. I love to meet people, hang out with them, get to know them and help them out when I can. I love to have a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. The challenge is this, “How do I convert older married men who fancy me into acquaintances who can form a valuable part of my network?” I can’t exactly say what I wrote in the previous paragraph, can I? Instead I laugh off their advances or say “Yeah, I will call you” and never do…somehow that works better than totally blowing them off. If you ever do need to contact that person and they say “how come you never called”, you can always blame MTN. Okay that’s a joke but you see how ridiculous the situation is…

Oh by the way, if I have to make a choice between dating a younger (single) man or an older married man, the younger man wins hands down!

Your thoughts?

15 comments On On Dating, Sex and Relationships: Younger Men versus Married Men

  • Found your blog thro Afrigator and this post is SO relevant to my life!

    Just came out of a r/ship with an older man – it was WONDERFUL but he lived far away! Am now seeing a younger man and its annoying me! The difference is BLATANT!

    And yes there was a stage I thought I had a sign on my forehead saying "if you married phone me"

  • Dating a younger (Ghana) man? Been there, done that (twice) would not recommend it!
    To be fair, the first younger guy lied about his age and pretty much everything else so perhaps age was not the issue in the first place.
    The second guy was really sweet,well-educated, gorgeous and (almost)the complete package….except he was 4 years younger than me! He was quite immature, vain and a tad naive. He would completely forget that we were due to meet or would constantly say "I'll call" and never would. Although there were some peripheral issues that complicated the relationship from the start, it was sooo never meant to be…Clearly it could not go anywhere especially in Ghanaian society. Although it is interesting that the immediate past ex-president was some years younger than his wife and that worked out in Ghanaian society of the the 1960s.

    I totally hear you that it is a bleak choice between dating a younger single guy or an older married man. I'm morally repulsed by the idea of dating a married man and generally not so attracted to pot-bellied gents that my sibling and I refer to as "Ghanaian males of a certain age".

    So it a little bit of a quandary.

  • [sighs] Dating a married man should definitely be a “no go area”. About dating younger men, it is a matter of conviction. It is true that most younger men tend to be naive. They are only being natural by exhibiting the behavioural tendencies of men their age.

    Some young men however have been handed the rough side of life at a tender age and as such are much more matured. I tend no to generalise by concluding that all young(er) men would necessarily be amateurish. It is always best – in my view – to keep an open mind.

  • Well… Gotta Say ..
    We So gotta have these Dialogues …lol
    However Re:
    Tha Older Married Guy Vs Younger Guy … Mos Def Younger Guy ….lol..I guess it wud Matter How Solid as a Couple People Are ….When having ta deal wit the Family and all the U Kno Who's …Who will Feel They Gotta Add Their…Two Cents ….!Into yr Bizzness!Oops n wait for it ….U Gotta Listen Ta Them….lol

  • Never dated a married man. Never will. I just don't do married men. I tell them that. If they persist, I withdraw.

    But i date younger men. I'd date a man 2 years my junior but no younger. I'm 26. lol. Me and older men usually have power struggles:) I say date the younger man.

    Why do some men have issues with women who make more money than they do? The way i see it, its all groovy if i make more money than u. It means i can spread you all the time and if we do get married, we'll have more income to work with. What's not to like?

  • Kajsa Hallberg Adu

    Networking is the way to meet new people, in my opinion.

    It is probably smart to not get into a discussion when a married man says "call me". But why could you not at some point also say "you know I'm actually looking for an available man, maybe you have an unmarried friend…?"

    The unmarried men are out there too.

  • ~
    younger men, older men, and all in between. too young to stress about that. still trying to live for those moments that take my beaurriful breath away!

    Now to the issue at hand, run away from married men oh! plus, you should give a few youngies a chance. u might just be surprised!

  • The younger man would win hands down over the married man!I don't even think going out with a married man should be called 'dating'

  • african weight loss diva

    lol. i love ur blog, but i wont do married men sha. maybe younger but not maried

  • don't bother about whatever!

    just go for it. married man, young unmarried and inexperienced (give dem some experience), older man, broke man etc.

    just choose!

    there ain't no rules.

  • Married men easily get bored with marriage life these dayz, i guess that is why they look for variety else where to spice up their life( which is wrong by the way).

  • @Laura – Welcome!!!I am glad you can empathise

    @Anon 1- Lol, now the phrase "Ghanaian men of a certain age is stuck in my head". So true.

    @Oluniyi – Hmmm, I hear you about keeping an open mind. I don't know if I want to deal with the "natural tendencies" of younger men though…

    @Jennifer – Yep, I'm with you on picking the younger guy over the married guy

    @Esi – Sis, I have completely given up on trying to understand men and their "issues", and they claim we are hard to understand…

    @Kajsa – Hahaha, good tip. I shall definitely try that one of these days and perhaps even blog about it. Lol

    @chayoma – Mmm, I like the idea of living for those moments that take your breath away…so poetic

    @Lady X – Out of curiousity, what would you call it? I'm with you on not having a relationship with a married man though

    @Africanweightlossdiva – Thank you! Sha is right 🙂

    @Novisi – No rules at all? Not a single one?

    BSNC – Married women get bored too, right? However, I think women are less likely to stray. Your thoughts?

  • I say knee the married perverts in the balls and send them on their way. I hate this particular brand of male greed. YOU ARE MARRIED. Deal with it.

  • Pingback: ‘Dating’ Younger Men: I’m doing an about turn :) - Adventures from the bedrooms of African women ()

  • jst bumped into your blog so i think will just give my two sense here though it years later

    a married man is a no go zone area ………….just keep off, what he does with you there is a probability he is doing it with other people and definately will want to control you
    the younger man is just for fun and nothing serious with him lest you loose your mind thinking what he is up to

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