Guest Contributor Ms A: Can a ‘buddy’ be just that?

Lately I’ve been experiencing miscommunication. My mind and my body are tuned into different channels. I’ve made up my mind that I do not want a relationship. I’ve just left one. It’s been painful and heartbreaking, and I’m not ready to open myself up to someone else right now or in the immediate future. But my body is craving the attention of a man. It wants to be made love to, to feel the pleasure of having someone close to it through the night. The solution? Get a bed buddy. Now regulars to this blog know that Nana is all in favour of the buddy system, but a newbie such as me is not so sure.

But when it became clear to me that I missed sex a lot, I warmed up to the buddy idea. The concept is that you and another come to an understanding that you will meet (at an appointed time) to have mind-blowing, mutually beneficial, consensual sex. But without the boyfriend-girlfriend scenario. This isn’t about love, prospect of marriage, this in effect is a contractual agreement between two single adults that are sexually attracted to each other but because of lifestyle, or other reasons, a relationship is not viable for them. Great! Very adult. Very business like, devoid of all emotion. Unfortunately, we forget that we are human and we are full of emotion and no matter how hard we try emotions do creep in. If you spend your nights grinding with someone, sharing your most intimate desires and they return the favour, it’s hard not to feel some ‘thing’ for them.

Now I’ve been seeing my buddy for a couple of months. I’ve always been clear about the deal and he knows a relationship is out of the question. I thought no strings attached sex was the ideal for most men, especially when the man in question is 24 and a struggling student. But while I’ve been hooked on the sex, to what we do, he has become hooked on me. Don’t get me wrong, I really do like him, but I’m not in love, yet he believes he is and wants me to consider a relationship with him. Now the fact that there’s a seven year age gap, with me being the older, two kids in the mix and the reality that he is not yet economically established, a relationship is not possible as far as I’m concerned. We are at completely different stages in our lives. Also, let’s not forget that I’m still not ready for a proper relationship.

So, what should I do? Continue repeating myself in the hope that he’ll be happy with the sweet deal he already has or gently wean him off for his own benefit?

8 comments On Guest Contributor Ms A: Can a ‘buddy’ be just that?

  • Ei Ms A and all who think that I am favour of the buddy system – when did I say this or rather blog this…hmmm

  • feel you…but fing is…ok to be blunt, i dont know nwats d guys deal oo…he got a gud bargain and he wants more…ahn ahn….abeg free him for someone else joooo….well…d only oda fing is if you work it so gud, u make d tot of other gurls unpalatable…lol
    nice post…and oh yeah…ma first time on ur blog

  • I honestly think sometimes the emotions and physical attraction get all mixed up and the fine line between the two becomes blurred. If both parties become emotionally attached, well, thats good. But if its one sided as in this case, I guess the best advice is to withdraw before you hurt them anymore. Wean him, as you aptly put it.

  • Got here courtesy of I just might visit this bedroom often.

    Ms A, your dilemma isn’t new in a guy’s world. We start that no-strings relationship then after a likkle while, lady starts catching feelings and wants to change the rules.
    Since your buddy is still young, go ahead and ride that (literally) till the wheels fall off. His biological clock doesnt even exist yet so keep reminding him of the arrangement. Go easy on him though cos you might start catching feelings when he starts getting himself together.

  • Hey Nana,

    Soz my bad. I thought you fired a pop quiz sometime ago and one of the questions was for or against the buddy system.

    Thanks for the comments everyone. I think I’m gonna try and call it quits. I’m gonna get myself a noew hobby instead methinks.

  • Clear communication is very important in any type of relationship. Perhaps you need to emphasis your mission to him again and give him an idea of what’s coming (ie weaning) if he doesn’t re-align his mind and enjoy the “sexcapade” while it lasts.

  • Waaaaat! why didn’t i get to have you Ms A…believe me id have gone all the way out with no strings attached at all…..iv been craving to do someone older than me for years….helloooo im here

  • its quite possible to have a buddy with no emotions experienced at any one point

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