A letter to M…

Dear M,

You may or may not have realized it, but these last few days in NYC were very hard for me. Emotionally hard, and that threw me for a loop. I wasn’t expecting this trip to be such an emotional rollercoaster. I wasn’t expecting to be upset and teary eyed because we weren’t spending all our time together. I wasn’t expecting to be upset that you would change the plans we had to go to a poetry slam on my last night in town in favour of going for drinks with some new friends you had just met. And I certainly didn’t expect that I would be upset about doing the cab journey from the hotel to JFK on my lonesome.

En route to the airport, I thought about a previous time I had made that journey with you. You insisted on going with me to the airport even though I was catching a cab and you would have to ride the train and bus home. We held hands in the cab en route to the airport. We kissed at the airport even though ours was an illicit love, and then you walked away, with one final lingering look.

This time round the bellhop got my cases from my room and helped me get a cab. On previous trips there had been no need for a bellhop. We happily struggled with my multiple suitcases. This time round the gregarious yellow cab driver made conversation with me. On previous trips there had been no need for conversation with the yellow cab driver. On previous trips you stayed with me until I had to go through security. This time round there was no one to turn back to look at when I headed to security.

I realize I am completely being melodramatic but I almost can’t help it. Yes I ended the relationship. Yes I started dating someone else. And yes you were right when you said ‘… I lost you before you lost me…’ Perhaps there lies the problem; I never really thought I would lose you. Now I can see that I have…



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