I was having dinner with a good friend a few hours ago, and she asked me if I could give her some tips for online dating. Well, well, well, I definitely can. About four years ago I thought it would be a good idea to write a book called ‘How to Meet Mr Right on the Internet’, which of course called for lots of research. I remember there was one week when I went on a date every single day. Most dates were just ‘alright’. I usually met men in my local area (I lived in London at the time), had a coffee, pleasant conversation and afterwards went on my merry way home. You very often knew straightaway whether you and your date had any chemistry at all. If there was no chemistry no one made the effort to contact the other person the following day. There was one man who put me off because he sipped his tea with a teaspoon. With another man, we had so much fun over drinks that we went to a nearby restaurant for a meal, and then went to a different bar for drinks. Just before midnight he casually said “Oh its good, that you live nearby, I can crash at yours” “Oh no, I won’t be comfortable with that”…and therein ended our date. There was another man who stood out from men I had been on dates with. In my profile I had specified that I only wanted to date Black men, but found that the vast majority of ‘eligible’ men who contacted me were White. I quickly came to the conclusion that if I restricted myself to Black men that would mean I wouldn’t go on any dates so I dated men of all races, whilst still leaving my official preference as ‘Black’. Despite this, only one White guy commented about this preference I had stated for Black men. “You’re so cheeky”, he said on our first date. “How can you say you will only date Black men?”. We laughed about it and went on a couple of fun dates, eventually he told me that he didn’t think I was the one he was looking for. That was annoying, but c’est la vie.
So based on my experiences of online dating which is about four years old, I would like to offer the following tips.
- Be very specific in the kind of person you are looking for. What should he or she look like? What kind of income should they earn? What religious background if any should they have?
- Be honest about how you describe yourself. Do not describe yourself as slim, when you know you’re voluptuous. Do not state you earn x amount of money, when you don’t.
- Place real pictures of yourself online. Place pictures that show you as you are in your different contexts. If I was to place pictures of myself on an online dating site now, I would put a picture of me wearing glasses, a picture of me looking casual, as well as a picture where I’m all glammed up.
- Take the relationship offline as soon as possible. Its very easy to spend a lot of time building rapport with someone online but then you meet the person and…
- Make your first date a short one, preferably meet for a drink so the costs are low and the time together is short. If you are having such a great time you can always arrange a second date.
- If you are a woman always reach for your purse and be prepared to pay half the bill. As a matter of personal choice, I would allow the other party to pay if they insisted.
Have you tried online dating before? What have been your experiences? What tips can you add to the list above?
5 comments On Tips for Online Dating
If no one comments on a post does it mean it was a crap post?
@ Nana Darkoa no it does not just might mean that some women may have read it, and was not sure what to say at the moment. However I did enjoy reading it.
Maybe no ones commenting because online dating is even now such a secret pursuit of happiness.
Online dating can so often end in humiliation, not just because you have to admit that meeting someone in real life is a very remote possibility, but also because you have to be willing to suspend your disbelief and take a step into a fantasy world.
You have to believe or choose to believe all you read and or only learn what he wants to show you, when he wants to show you.
Here’s my confession, I met my current man/fiance online dating. I told myself if was meant to be some harmless fun, boost my ego with compliments and gifts and free dinners but really I fervently hoped to meet someone decent.
My reasoning was this. I’m an educated, eloquent financially independent young lady yet If I dare to say I want the same from a potential partner people automatically label me demanding and unrealistic lol
Online I can list my preferences and to hell with those who can’t measure up.
My name is dikeledi and I am from south africa I just discovered your blog two days ago and I haven’t stopped reading I am now reading stuff from 2011. I must say I am loving it and I am gonna share on facebook with my friend.
Now on the subject at hand I started dating online wen I broke up with babyDaddy cause I did not want to date anyone local and I must say most guys online just want to have sex, and wen you tell them U????? want a serious reationship one guy actually laughed on my face. And I guess it carries a certain amount of shame that U????? can’t find a man U????? have to go looking on the internet.
As for me I’m done dating guys on the net ill settle for ‘hoping to meet someone’ in real life.
Hi dikeled, I am glad you’ve discovered our blog. Thank you for sharing your experiences, and for spreading the word. I’m looking forward to reading more comments from you 🙂