I have always loved sex, apart from an unfortunate first time incident, and vowed to always have satisfying sex; I have been known to hop off a dick halfway through if the man’s moves were not good enough.
At the age of 30 it seemed I was all fucked out, until I stumbled on a fem-dom porn clip. My pussy got wet instantly watching the lady use and abuse her submissive.
Fast forward 4 months and I am now the Black Mistress, so enamoured with the BDSM world that I have sworn off vanilla sex. There is something so exhilarating about penetrating an alpha straight male from behind and hearing him moan and desperately beg for more [aside: for my ladies who love to peg and lesbians out
there, invest in the Feeldoe, a strapless strapon – it will change your sex life!!!].
In my journey of self-discovery I have met weird and wonderful people, and also made amazng business contacts it seems the more powerful the man in the vanilla world, the more submissive he becomes in the bdsm world.
Have you ever explored BDSM? (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) Are you curious about BDSM? What questions do you have? Post them in the comments box .
20 comments On Guest Contributor Mistress Natalya: Discovering the world of BDSM
I do not understand BDSM, at all. What I do know, is that it is a non-normative erotic experience in which the sexual envolope is pushed. I’d venture to say, boundaries are consensually crossed. I have a lot of questions, central being, how does one derive pleasure from such madness[I couldn’t think of a better descriptor, forgive me]?
[Aside]
I know there is a lot of nyash whipping, but eiiiiiii….how do oyinbo chicks not cry from all that pain oo? At least we have enough, actually more than enough cushion, but some of these girls have pancake nyash.
The madness is part and parcel of the pleasure …. No matter how absurd your fantasy is trust me there is someone in the bdsm world who will be happy to fulfill it.
Bdsm is not all whipping, one does not have to partake of all the kinks … In fact it is an umbrella term for as you put it pushing the sexual envelope. I have a low pain threshold but nothing gets my panties more moist than me spanking a stud whilst he is lying on my lap … Or tying up a damsel and giving her a good seeing to with my riding crop. Their pancake nyashes certainly take a good beating. The joy of bdsm is finding the ying to your yang …. Their get sexual satisfaction from being in pain, and i for giving pain.
The world is closer than you think … That boyfriend who lingers a tad too long on your coochie … -I’d’say he is just an oral slave ready to be turned…. It’s’not all about spanking 😉
Mistress Natalya, how nice it was to see a kinky post here as that is right up my alley haha!
Sadly, when a lot of people think BDSM, they immediately associate it with pain. That however is because they do not understand BDSM itself and make assumptions off what they see in porn. Just like we know better that what we see in vanilla porn doesn’t typically apply in normal sex lives, neither does what we see in kinky porn accurately reflect on kinky sex.
Pain is not the main element of BDSM. Power exchange is. That power exchange can be accompanied with pain and believe it or not, it may not be accompanied with pain. I identify as a switch meaning I am neither fully dominant nor submissive and I tend to “switch” between the two roles depending on my mood, however I lean more so toward being a dominant. I have a very low pain threshold whether it comes to receiving or giving pain, that doesn’t mean that I am now not a kinkster. That being said, I have slowly been exploring pain and am surprised at how much I can take or give. A lot of “vanillas” would actually be surprised that they practice BDSM of some form without even knowing it.
BDSM means a lot of things to different people. Aside from power exchange being the main element, it means different things to different people. Believe it or not, there are people who find great pleasure in that whipping, domestic servitude, relinquishing full control, feminisation, the possibilities tries are never ending. How can one find pleasure in any of these? Well, one person’s eeeeuuwww or eeeekkk or noooooooo is another person’s aaaaaahhh or yeeeeeeesss.
What you don’t get to see in porn movies is the great amount of communication, honesty, respect, care, affection etc that goes into BDSM practices. BDSM is a very highly charged emotional, physical and psychological experience. Despite consent being given by both parties, there is a lot of negotiation that goes into it from both parties as to what each is comfortable with doing.
Hopefully, there will be more posts of this nature.
@ Dru
A kindred spirit 🙂 … Agree completely regarding the power exchange. Currently in a set-up with my sub where there is TPE (total power exchange for the uninitiated …. This is where one party submits all his/her power to the dom/domme).
Another thing I have realised in the world of kink is that there is more honesty as you don’t have to shy from voicing your needs as you tend not to judge …. Although I still run a mile from people into puppy or horse play lol (before you go screaming @AM .. That is siMply kinksters who like to actlike the animals and be treated as such).
Although there is something highly charged about riding naked on a sub and feeling his back muscles flexing underneath your pussy as you goad him on with a crop.
There is certainly more where that came from – this was a tester piece. Perhaps next post will be on the players involved, types and the scenes (what do you think @Dru?)
@Mistress Natalya – Thanks so much for this contribution. This isn’t a conversation we have ever had on Adventures, and I think this is an exciting conversation. Its funny, I have also always associated BDSM with pain. Also my politics makes me questions the power relationships wthin BDSM relationships…and at the same time I’m curious about many things including being a sub, and at the same time wanting to be the one in control. I think I too may be a switch 🙂 Thanks for sharing and please email me contributions whenever…
Rings true… most successful men are power junkies who lead high adrenaline level lives and abuse themselves in other ways. As they age and their hormonal levels wane, vanilla sex is just not stimulating… the pathway to escaping that level of disengagement is some kind of role-playing that brings their focus back to the matter at hand.
@ Nana Darkoa – what questions do you have about the power relationships / what makes you uneasy about it.
@ Kofi – there are indeed old men looking for a new thing however I put them in the group of thrill seekers … There are so many layers and sublayers involved in BDSM or as some like to cal it (including myself) the world of kink.
I am a lifestyle domme … I don’t “play” … I practise and live it 24/7, but that is another post.
@Mistress Natalya – The very fact that someone is the mistress and someone is the slave for e.g. At least those are some of my preconceptions around BDSM. That there are Master/Slave and Mistress/Slave relationships. And I would love for you to send us a post on what being a lifestyle domme involves
Well there doesn’t havt to be a slave….
In general terms there are;
Dominants
Submissives
Slaves
Switches
And then there are so many sub-types to each aspects.
Like Dru said, one man’s yuck is another man’s yay…. We are dealing with consensual relationships (even in non-consent setups) so if the slave aspect is not for you… Step aside and partake in something else.
We are all so unique, I find it hard to understand but I am inundated with offers on Collar Me from task orientated or servitude guys who just want to serve and that’s how they get their thrills …. I almost caved in to a guy who just wanted to chauffeur me around however as I am a genuine lifestyle domme … I base my needs and activities on things that please me (and not to take advantage) so the whole thing does nothing for me.
Bdsm is not just about slave and master or whips and chains … So many aspects. I notably concentrate on sensualism so the whole teasing, whipping my submissive into a frenzy with just my words, dominating in a more subtle (and lasting way).
Really, please put 50 shades out of your mind …. It really like substance …. 🙂
I suggest you do some research, go on websites which support the scene such as fetlife and collarme and find the weird and wonderful world out there….. 🙂
Sorry typo!
50 shades lacks substance.
@Mistress Natalya – Thanks for the explanation. Will definitely do some research. I haven’t read ’50 Shades’ yet, ironically picked up the copy my friend learnt me for my road trip…I’m biased though, most of the reviews have been harsh 🙂
Like Mistress Natalya and Dru have said already BDSM is not all about whips and chain, there is a of power exchange going on for if the submissive doesn’t submit to the dominant, the dominant is powerless from this view it is the submissive who is in control cos till the submissive fully submits to the dominant he/she(sub) is in control.
@AM – to start with there is a thin line between pain and pleasure;hence why pinching the nipple gives pleasure even though it hurts, BDSM also aims for maximum satisfaction. Just imagine being tied spread-eagle to the posts of the bed a dominant explores every part of your body with a feather lightly bringing you to the edge but not letting you experience the release till they are ready or till you beg for it.
BDSM can’t really be explained in words, it is something best experienced. I’ve been a dominant once and a Submissive once.
50 SHADES IS CRAP. Don’t bother.
Oh, oh, oh…I just finished 50 Shades…I actually liked it *hides face*. Yes I get why its been criticised so much. The quality of the writing is low, but it took me back to those days when I used to read Mills & Boon…I kinda felt like it was an M&B for adults hahahaha. I liked it, and will finish the trilogy 🙂
@Nnenna Marcia – Hmmm, so I finished the second in the 50 Shades trilogy and that didn’t do it for me at all. I kept thinking, who edited this book? The M&B aspects – handsome male lead, suspense – which worked for me in the first book somehow did not happen at all in the second. And I began to be so irritated by the ‘inner goddess’, ‘my 50 Shades’ and the complete lack of a plot. And the description/writing of sex scenes was just really poor.
It gets worse inthe third book… Even flipping to the sex scenes did nothing fOr me. She shouLd have stopped with the whole kidnap plot and concentrated on the reason why everyone was reading the book!!
@Mistress Natalya – Argh, I’m definitely not going to bother with the 3rd book then…I was in 2 minds about whether I should finish the trilogy but you’ve helped me make up my mind. There are too many good books waiting to be read…so Mistress, you should write us the ‘real’ BDSM story eh?
The problem is that most erotic novels on the topic of BDSM we read do not depict a realistic BDSM lifestyle, most erotic BDSM books feature alpha bossy male doms because that’s what the readers want and expect.
@Nana Darko – try Lora Leigh – bound hearts 3 seduction, Lauren Dane – Second Chances, Cherise Sinclair
Thanks @Simply Selorm – Checking out Lora Leigh’s blog now…I have a massive stack of books on my bedside drawer so I am punishing myself by not buying any more books (unless they are signed by the author) until I have read all the outstanding ones I have to go through. Will check out the other authors online too
Work is KILLING me. I have a deadline for the book – 24th November and it’s still not completely done. UGH!!!
Anyway, I just wanted to say, EVEN the first book is POOR. Bad plot, CRAP writing and a very, very unhealthy relationship. What because he was rich? Ok, imagine he was a labourer…do you still tingle?