Guest Contributor Adjeley: ‘What do African Men Really Like in a Woman (Sexually)?’

Yesterday, over drinks with new friends, I was telling the story of a close friend who went on a ‘boy’s trip’ to Brazil. The highlight of his story (which I’ll admit I was retelling with a lot of glee) was of the ‘clubs’ in Rio that, for all intents and purposes, are brothels. Guys pay approximately $100 at the door for access to the women you can manage to pull inside. The second floor and above is adorned with rooms for your convenience. You enter with your friends, buy drinks at the bar, see a hot chick you fancy, chat her up and soon you’re upstairs in a room in which she’s giving you a blowjob with a banana-flavoured condom on (yes, ooo. Apparently, this is NOT the place to be putting your willy in a woman’s mouth unprotected).

(I was also surprised when I first heard it too! That’s why they invented flavoured condoms!)

Afterwards, you go back downstairs and the start the process again.

Sounds like fun eh? So much fun that my new partners in crime and I decided that Brazil needed to be visited. Hot nightlife, hot beaches, hot men — is there a reason we shouldn’t visit Brazil??

Me, being the person I am, also gleefully dreamed, “Can you imagine all the hot men!!? I mean, they’ll be everywhere!”

And this is the interesting part: the concerns of my friends were not on how we were going to negotiate our time between bonding sessions with the Brazilian men and our own girly fun, but rather on 1) the perfection of Brazilian women and 2) how the heck we are going to compete.

To say I was shocked is an understatement. That had not even crossed my mind. I told them, “ME, if I go to Brazil, I’m getting laid. PLENTY times.”

But it also got me thinking about female perceptions of what men actually want. In my mind, men want a confident, fun and intelligent woman with curves. I’m what they call thick (a size 16, size 14 if I go to the gym) and I have *never* had a problem finding or keeping a man. In fact, I’m often a little surprised how the men I sleep with enjoy my body – love handles and all (and I guess this is where my insecurities show *smile*).

This said, I don’t see how the beautiful Brazilian woman will be an obstacle to my getting laid. Surely, there are enough to go around. It then occurred to me that perhaps, even though my new friends are African, they live and work in Europe, where conforming to a certain (thin, flawless) standard of beauty confirms one’s level of attractiveness.

So this is what I’d like to ask the male readers of What is it that you like in a woman? What do you need to see/think/feel in order to think ‘I want to fuck the shit outta that woman?’

And women how do you feel about your own bodies? Does it affect your sex life?

Enquiring minds want to know.

30 comments On Guest Contributor Adjeley: ‘What do African Men Really Like in a Woman (Sexually)?’

  • This is the second time in a few days that I have wanted to buy bananna flavoured condoms? I have a question. Has anyone given a blow job with a condom on? Flavoured or not? I haven’t but I’m thinking I should in future…what are your thoughts sisters? BJs with condoms on? How do they feel?

  • Wow. Its good to practice safe sex, but let me play devil’s advocate: how would you enjoy receiving oral sex with a thin layer of latex as a barrier?

    Food for thought… 🙂

  • Speaking for myself, I like a woman with no inhibitions or barriers. Who is also confident enough to tell me exactly what she wants in bed in a flirty, submissive way, but can still take control whenever. Her body is more of an after thought, when she manages to stimulate me with her mind.

  • Attractiveness lies in the eyes of the beholder. I think African men, including me, do not necessarily see thinnes as beauty. In fact we like some flesh on the bones especially curves. But that does not mean fatness is admired. The trend is changing whereby thinness is increasingly being admired but not to the level in western cultures. Beauty is a combinations of looks, mannerism and the way the lady carries herself. Sometimes beyond appearance its hard to put your fingers and what really makes you attracted to a woman. I like black beauties and I find them very attractive. Some people also like ladies who are fair in complexion and most Latinos including Brazillians are of mixed race and are fair so many African men are attracted to that. So it is generally difficult to generalise.

  • omg, all of you gals who haven’t tried the bj with flavored condom thing need to do it on your guys NOW! seriously, it totally adds a new flavor to the whole thing heheehee (pun intended). it feels kinda like how it feels when you give bj to your guy when you’ve put flavored lubricant on his dick (you need to try that as well if you haven’t). I personally feel that the flavoring encouraged me more to lick and suck etc. cos it tasted more pleasant and blowing a guy with the condom on has this whole forbidding aura to it. Besides, it’s easier to put the condom on him with your mouth (or roll it up with your mouth) when it’s flavored because we all know it tastes yucky to do this with regular condoms. My guy also loved how passionate and devoted I was to giving him a blow job once the flavored condom was on him. Hope to get feedback from y’all about how you loved it when you tried it!

  • Like I always tell my female friends who keep bugging me about what kind of girl that I like to date, “Girl is my type”. I’ve been with women of different shapes, sizes, colors, creed and with different IQs. I’d say, once we get it clicking, its on. Of all the qualities stated, i believe IQ supersedes them all. If you’re open minded and willing to experiment and do all the ‘freaky’ things too thats a major plus.

  • I, like most men, am an equal opportunity lover! Women have a way of getting to me and breaking down my defenses, so I do not particularly have a set type. This notwithstanding, I do like a confident woman – someone who is sure of what she wants and isn’t overly needy. I like someone who is willing to explore and experiment , and can hold a conversation. maybe lob in a couple of zingers every now and then. Wouldn’t mind at all if she is a horn dog and can give a half decent head!

    On the looks side, my fantasy girl will have a flat belly, some appreciable curve of the ass and hips, firm tits and a decent face. Since my return to Gh, I have re-started my deep appreciation for the magnificent African female booty. Casting my mind back, I have never gotten my full package before. This is a shame because it makes me think that such a girl only exist in my head.

  • Must a woman necessarily come along with riding skills?would it be a problem if a woman couldn’t or didnt like riding her man (girl-on-top sex) so thrusting would have to be to be totally by the guy?

  • On giving head with a condom, May I promote the virtues of saving the planet from the toxic disposal of latex by encouraging you all to suck, lick and please SWALLOW!!! It’s good for your skin and teeth. It makes you happier and gives you calcium and protein? Girls do yourselves a favour, and do as I advice.
    @ Merri: it really wouldn’t hurt if you mount the monster and ride it like the rupture is about to happen! Personally, a girl who knows how to ride gets a few extra brownie points from me. Personal preference, merri, it all depends on your bf, lover, etc. my advise would be try it once a while and see how you feel.

  • Wow! Thank you for all these amazing comments people! It’s reassuring that indeed our African men do enjoy women of all shapes and sizes… “equal opportunity lovers” as @Babyjet so eloquently said.

    @Ekuba – I must admit I am a little surprised that people have been giving blow jobs with flavoured condoms! I just don’t know why I haven’t thought of this before. I definitely need to try this one STAT! Only problem is that I’m currently without a sex partner, so I’m gonna have to put that one on my Bedroom Bucket List *wink*

    @Merri – Don’t worry about finding a man who can deal with your dislike of riding. I used to hate giving blow jobs. The penis just freaked me out. I would pretend that I loved it, and try go down on my guys, but (for me) the tell-tail signs were that they never let me stay down there for long. This was, until I met my last (and best) lover. I loved everything single thing about his penis. The way it looked, the way it smelt, the way it felt/tasted in my mouth. I could go down on him for hours…. and I absolutely loved him cumming in my mouth (and his cum tasted sweet.. 🙂 LOL The point being, you’ll find that one guy, where everything just flows naturally for you.

  • And I too I’m relieved that so many men are saying they like the curves, brains and all the various ways women are…but sometimes I think the men who read Adventures are not the norm cos they are so progressive. Or?

  • I totally agree with Nana,men who read adventures are in the minority of wanting brains &all that sh**!I have come to realize that majority of the guys go for the airheads &yes wife them too!they also go for svelte girls &totally ‘dog’ the voluptous ones so puullesse don’t let us decieve the women folk in2 thinking that guys nowadays look @ brains &somebody who can hold a convo,its a lie!they are into fakes.
    My fake airhead friends who don’t know who Jacob Zuma is are the ones who are getting educated enlightened guys to spread them like nobody’s business.
    For me these argument is a moot one.

  • @ Abena- Lol so true. I think that the same way that most women (myself included) are turned on by a man that they can look up to and who can ‘take care of them’ and maybe even dominate them a little sometimes (hello, why are so many women crazy about 50 shades? lol)- a lot of men also are attracted to a beautiful woman (by society’s definition, svelte or very much in shape), a woman who can make them feel like a hero or look up to them (the reason why some men leave their wives for housemaids etc. It’s the unfortunate side effect of being an educated woman who is assertive and a tad bit too known (I’m describing myself here!). Some men may find it cool and it even turns a lot of guys on but loads of men don’t want to wife that and that’s life! It’s why our mother’s used to advise us not to be too ‘I know my rights’ (whatever that means. Lol).

  • @Abena,Ekuba. I think you are missing the point about men being attracted to brains. Again I dont speak for all men but for the majority that I know, the attraction really is from the brains and a stimulating conversation. However, to keep us stimulated and always thinking about ripping your clothes off, you have to keep yourself in shape. We might go for the svelte girl at first glance but we stay with the beautiful girl with brains.

  • Nana, I seriously disagree with you! Abena and I are not saying that all men are going for dumb women. We’re saying that most men we know value physical appearance and ‘home keeping abilities’ of a woman over her educational abilities and her brains. I went to grad/ professional school in Ghana. Majority of the men in my class, as at today, are married to women of a lower educational level. I spent 2 years of grad school listening to my male classmates tell me and the other women in my class how we had to learn to ‘forget our professional qualifications and submit to men’ if we ever wanted husbands and how they wanted wives who would be waiting home for them when they returned from work. My mum and dad were intellectuals yet whenever we were invited to parties by other intellectuals, my mum had to sit with the men because most of the wives were not so educated and preferred to talk about hair, how to bake the perfect cake or what ‘Junior’ was doing at school . That has been our experience as professional women. If you have had another experience as a man, that’s great! But your experience cannot make up for what we have personally encountered our whole lives. Best wishes 🙂

  • This is a complex issue, but I hope we are not confusing education with intelligence. There are many examples of not-so-well educated people doing well in many areas of life. The fact that a woman may not know who Jacob Zuma is doesn’t mean she doesn’t have social intelligence, for example. I can name three or four women in my family who have very little by way of education pedigree who married and made successful lives with men the literally took a chance on. In these cases, the support was a two-way street. Relationships are all about compromises, and mostly they aren’t about what we see on the surface. My two cents worth.

  • no we’re not Kofi, that’s why in my comments I keep saying “education ‘and’ brains”. My grandmother is illiterate yet she’s one of the most intelligent women on earth. If you have had a certain level of education, can read the newspapers/ browse the internet and you know all the latest Nigerian movies but don’t know who Jacob Zuma is, you’re not very smart. My experience is that most men (doesn’t mean it includes you or Nana), in choosing a wife, value looks, domestic abilities, abilities to entertain/ make a man comfortable above brains and intelligence. Most women I know are in awe of how smart their guys are, how knowledgeable they are, how educated, how rich they are and the jobs they do. I don’t find the reverse to be true for most men. You can poll most of the women commenting here and I bet they’d tell you the same thing. It’s interesting that most men swear they find brains sexy but when you interact with their partners, they’re not brainy at all. (unless there’s some intelligence these women unleash in the bedroom I don’t know about).

    • I’m on #TeamEkuba in this discussion 🙂 Cracking up at “unless there’s some intelligence these women unleash in the bedroom I don’t know about”…my personal experience is that even my feminist men friends make some really (or what seems to me to be) off choices when it comes to girlfriends/significant others, they tend to date the younger, pretty, less likely to talk back, loves to cook and take care of her man kinda woman…and then turn to other women for stimulating conversations (and sometimes stimulating sex).

  • Nana D say it and say it again! Like this guy who used to hover around me in uni days like he was interested in me. I pinned him down to declare his intentions and he told me he likes me but he’s confused because sometimes he feels that I think I’m too smart to ‘come down’ for a man. So I decided not to waste my time on him and he too went on to date and marry my primary school classmate who, to put it bluntly, is a bimbo. Fast forward to 5 months ago when I met this idiot and his wife at a wedding and I stepped outside briefly. He sneaked out too to come and tell me wow, I look so good, god, marriage is so hard, can I believe he can’t even discuss his work with Anna, he misses all the conversations we used to have, can he pick my number and call?. I told him no. Otwea, he made his bed and should lie comfortably in it.

  • I think that this is not the subject we’re discussing necessarily, but I think your definition of intelligence and smart is way too narrow.. One of my profs in grad school wrote a book called The Triarchic Mind. It was about different modes of intelligence. There are other models of intelligence at work, you, me, school-trained achievers tend to over-value our dimension of intelligence and under value others. I think there is a degree of snobbery here as well. How can you tell from a social interaction with another person how “intelligent” they are??

    Many marriages between folks with similar educational backgrounds fail, so what exactly is the point. Maybe his work is not interesting…. is that his wife’s problem…? The guy may be too immature for his wife… hahahahahahaha…. Anyhow, it’s all good….

  • lol @ Kofi. interesting discussion! Of course and absolutely, there are different forms of intelligence. Indeed, in that regard, every human being is intelligent in one way or the other, no? But like any definition of ‘beauty’, any definition of ‘intelligence’ would always be crafted to shut out some people and in that sense it’d be too narrow since we’re all intelligent! Still, modern society has chosen to define ‘intelligence’ narrowly, hence IQ tests which only measure cognitive ability. In that regard, the educational system is set such that all things being equal and everyone having similar opportunity, persons with higher IQ (or what society defines as ‘intelligence’) tend to do better in school than others, hence, the general assumption in society that professors and other school-trained achievers are the smartest.

    So I’m not being snobbish but I think it’s interesting that while most women all over the world are raised to cherish ‘intelligence’ in their men, most men aren’t. In fact, I even see a faint hint of sexism there. About marriages between folks of similar educational backgrounds failing, are you saying there statistics to that effect?

  • *are you saying there are statistics to that effect* (sheesh, what’s with my grammar today?)

  • not sure about stats in Ghana, but am sure of it’s the case in the western world. in ghana, we have ways of coping with marriage failures when they don’t end up in divorce. but my assumption is that most folks broadly marry within their social circles, and that school attainment is a pretty good proxy for how folks tend to hook up.

    i tend to doubt that women are trained to prize intelligence in the school sense (by the way, i think that schools are just junior leagues for the industrial economy, and the play their role in selecting for those who do well in these economies). I don’t know the last time a woman said to me, I really like you for your brains. I’ve had people tell me that my car is a better magnet for attracting women than the education i have…

    Being the son of a supersmart woman, my choice in women has more often to do with who my mother would get along with, and I can tell you that my mom would look askance if I brought a “bimbo” home. Such a person would not fit in at all in our family culture.

    I don’t know enough about how others select, but I suspect that among the emerging professional class, folks want partners who can enhance their life aspirations…

  • @ Kofi: ahaa! so Abena and Nana were right and you really are a different breed of man with a supersmart mother and all.
    Of course most women are attracted to your car (’cause as I said, women are raised to value a man’s financial capacity) but if you’re a doctor, lawyer, banker or any of the professions that’s admired in Ghana, I bet you that those women are very enchanted about this and swoon when you share tidbits of knowledge that you’ve gained in your professional training (lots of my girlfriends are always happy to go on and on about what their partners told them that shows that they are sooo intelligent and they’re doing ‘big jobs’ etc) It’s not the same for me as a professional woman, in fact, when I meet guys, I have to hide my professional achievements because experience has taught me that it usually causes apprehension and disinterest. Two men who came to my office and thought I was the secretary proposed to me and started calling me but the calls stopped when they realized I was the boss. So these things we’re saying are not made up, they’re real but I guess if you’re saying all men you know value intelligence in their women then that’s your view…

  • Yeah, my mother is responsible for my few virtues, but none of my many vices…

    Who knows where the truth lies but you could be right for all I know. I mistrust stereotypes and easy answers, but perhaps this is one of the occasions on which I should just accept that this is way above my head.

  • God bless your mum. I understand you. And I understand why you and Nana feel uncomfortable when the women on this blog say that most men we know treat us a certain way- it’s because you guys are progressive and may not necessarily act that way. The nature of this blog and the topics discussed here are such that, they’d naturally attract very progressive people. When I was researching gay rights in Ghana, the views I got from this blog were way more progressive than those that I got from other websites and people I interviewed. We have come far but we still live in a society where there are several latent and patent forms of discrimination against women. The fact that you and Nana do not discriminate against the women in your lives doesn’t mean that other men out there aren’t doing it.

  • Wow, its great to read the conversation thread and get a sense of what men/women mostly value in Ghana. To play devils advocate, do you think that some women rely too heavily on their intellect and let themselves go physically?

  • @ Nana, yes- same as guys do sometimes 🙂

  • Good point Ekuba. @Nana, my mom would say “she is just a little short for her weight”:)….. You look very much in shape from your handle picture so no worries.

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