Hey Adventurers!
For this month's vlog topic, I am discussing how women can protect themselves from the dangers of a fauxnogamous relationship. Fauxnogamy manifests a little differently than mere adultery, in my opinion. Adultery suggests that a cheating spouse may have had a lapse (or series of lapses) in judgement and carried on an affair with one particular partner. Fauxnogamy - a term coined by Kobby Graham - is indicative of a system of accepted cheating, where male fidelity is a myth and a man can have as many girlfriends and lovers on the side as he wants with no expectations of responsibility.
If we are going to accept a system of fauxnogamy as our new reality (and I'm not saying we should...I think it's absurd), then we need to have a discussion about how to keep women safe in these marriages that are little more than a trap. Conventional wisdom would say just leave, but it is not often that easy. How do you approach condom use with a cheating spouse? Should you deny your cheating partner sex? Should you demand that he use protection while he's playing the field? How does one even gather the strength to ask these questions?
Over to you, Adventurers!
Referred links: Sex, fauxnogamy and the married man. Rambling Room Mates: Take a Man Out on a Date in September
7 comments On Vlog: How Can Women Keep Themselves Safe in Fauxnogamous Relationships?
a woman is always at a disadvantage in Africa when it comes to relationship, if your husband has side chicks it is better to discuss the issue of protection with him. this way you be playing save. but you must catch him first or you may be breaking the relationship. thanks.
Oh Kwunume! You’ve struck the nail on the head. Therein lies the problem. After you’ve caught him and presented him with your findings, how do you fix your mouth to request him to use condoms with other women? I wouldn’t trust him to keep me safe. It’s like trusting a toddler with a kitchen knife on the playground: unpredictable.
I understand your predicament, but what do you do but to pray that he plays safe, for your sake if not you may just been playing with fire while praying you don’t get burnt.
Your best protection is intolerance. Accepting this B.S. is only adding fuel to the fire and creating more of a mess. Women have strived to abolish polygamy and to sit around accepting this new term, “fauxnogamy” is another reason why (the disadvantage) should not continue to accommodate selfish behaviors.
I agree with you completely, Leslie. I wouldn’t stand for this, but I personally have the luxury of an education, a means to earn my own income, and a desire for personal happiness. I cannot just sit around and pray he plays it safe while he plays the field.
It’s a recipe for disaster! I would love to hear from more women about why they stay in and tolerate this type of behavior from their husbands. I would also love to hear from men as to why they think this behavior is acceptable within the bounds of their marriages.
The disadvantages do not truly dictate the life someone must choose to live. However I can’t have a pity party for my counterparts that willingly participate in perpetrating this behavior. We as women must look at ourselves before we go putting all the blame on the men. There are so many things that women can do to stop this insanity, but we pretend to be the better person or choice. This statement does not include those cultures that truly oppress, depress and suppress women and their rights. Outside of that, there are wills that need to be curbed and better choices to be made.
Thats more like an open relationsip or friends with benefits but all depends on the woman involved. Some are cool with that system others are not but others are at a disadvantage because they depend solely on the man for income– thats the more reason why women need to upgrade and add value to themselves .