A World Is Ending

(First published in Femmolution Vol 2, 2020; an anthology of poems & stories from African women & enbies, created by Liz Kilili)

A world is ending
With it, a part of me is dying
I mourn this loss 
It’s a deep, intense, kind of grieving.
Letting go hurts

A world is ending
With it, a new light penetrates every corner of my existence
Showing me what’s fickle & irrelevant 
Reminding me that it doesn’t take much to have a full heart
Forcing the things that can’t stand the light (lies, fears, doubt) to flee
Allowing me to let go of all the should-haves and could-haves
Leaving me free to start again.
I choose who and what comes with me to the new world

I cry for the world that’s ending
Only because we must properly grieve our losses
To truly make room for what comes next.
The tears clear my eyes and I can see my path again
I never actually veered off, I was just walking blind 
Clouded by the pursuit of money, the need for validation, 
escapism, fear, self-doubt

A world is ending
Where I checked all my mother’s boxes
And I made her so proud!
Where dad was my bestie
And he made me feel safe & protected & wanted
It devastates me to say goodbye to this world

…in the new world
I find strength in my spirit-sent masculine & feminine guide
They walk with me, lift me up, hold me close, soothe me
And remind me that everything I need I already have within me.

A world is ending
Where I felt alone in a never-ending darkness
Where I was convinced something was wrong with me 
Where my happy place was a tiny one-bedroom hidden away in the corner
With black mould seeping through the walls because the sun’s rays had no way in
And I felt safe in my isolation

…in the new world
I am whole 
I am enough
My happy place is wherever I am
I carry it with me, in my heart & mind & soul
I am never alone
I have family & sisterhood & community
We know that together, powerlessness is not an option.

A world is ending 
Where I thought I had a soulmate(s) in someone who
All we had in common was sadness & misery
And similar ideas on how to escape said sadness & misery
We survived our demons together;
There was purpose

…in the new world
I don’t need to run from sadness & misery
I know that life is both paradise and tragedy rolled into one.

A world is ending 
Where I fell in love and was loved back,
Deeply & genuinely.
This love showed me who I am
And who I am wants a different kind of love
I feared that I was delusional to walk away from something good
I feared that I would never be loved how I wanted
Still, I walked
I mourn the loss of this love

…in the new world
Love, how I want it, is boundless & abundant
The love I have to give is loud & bold & fearless,
Unfazed by rejection & loss
Hopeful & kind
Intentional & passionate.

A world is ending
A part of me is dying
And in the worst of the worst
The darkest of all darknesses,
I see dawn!
I see it. I feel it. I welcome it.
I am not broken or weak or despondent
In the darkest of all darknesses,
I am strongest
Wow

In this new world
My true self stands tall and shines bright
Everybody can’t come and that’s ok
I am loud & bold & fearless
I believe in miracles and the road less travelled
I shun everything that doesn’t serve me,
And embrace everything that lifts me up.

Endings are hard
Beginnings are beautiful
I see warm sunny days
Green endless fields
Happiness & freedom
Majesty

…in the new world you can call me,
Naba the Fucking Goddess,
King of the Wh*res, &
High Priestess of this Shit!

(Read next: I’m Grace Jones, Bitch!)