Squirting: What’s all the hype?
Thank the pleasure gods that for the last few decades, the myth on female orgasms has been dispelled! The conversations now are moving towards exploring the pleasure potential of female-bodied people and maximising it. With the growing appreciation for female orgasms has come a fascination with squirting or female ejaculation. People with vulvas have been ejaculating for as long as they have existed, believe me, but there eventually came a time when medical and sexual health experts acknowledged this phenomenon as something that could be linked to pleasure and sex for the female.
So, what is squirting?
Squirting is the informal term given to the expulsion of a secretion that is created by the Skene’s glands and that travels to the bladder and is expelled through the urethra. It is also commonly known as female ejaculation. When parts of the vulva are stimulated, these glands are filled with a liquid and can give the person the same sensation as needing to pee. The liquid is often clear or milky in colour and is often tasteless and odourless. Having said this, since this fluid passes through the bladder, it is very normal to find traces of urine in it.
Squirting is often an involuntary, physiological response. What this means is, while squirting is associated with orgasms, a person can squirt without having an orgasm, and a person can have an orgasm without squirting. Most people ejaculate and they don’t even know it. While squirting can be fun, pleasurable and give great sensations of relief and release, squirting is not the benchmark of how much pleasure a person is experiencing. So, in this article, I differentiate between squirting, having an orgasm and having a squirting orgasm. These are not the same thing.
You can tell from the plethora of porn material available and the many articles that come up on the web that many people are fascinated by squirting. For most women especially, the first thing they think and feel when they first learn about female ejaculation is whether or not they can do it. While this has introduced a new part of our sexuality to explore or enjoy, unfortunately, most people have internalised this as a pressure to function in a particular way in the bedroom. The short answer is, from a biological point of view, anyone with the anatomy of the vulva has the potential to experience an orgasm, and the potential to squirt. Before you read that as “so if I am not squirting, then it means something is wrong with me”, consider the following factors that contribute to the higher potential to squirt:
- A well-hydrated body
Not only is hydration good for you in general, but studies have shown that people who drink water regularly and who often engage their pelvic muscles and bladder have a higher potential to orgasm, squirt and do both at the same time. The more water you drink, the more your body can retain all the liquid it needs for all its different functions, including squirting. The secretion will also lean more on a clearer colour, with fewer chances of tracing urine in it.
- Strong pelvic muscles
If you have ever read about Kegel exercises, you’ll know that strong pelvic muscles increase your chances of experiencing an orgasm in general. A good orientation around that pelvic area in your body will help you identify which muscles are at work when you hold your bladder, when you urinate, when you tighten your vagina and when you are experiencing an orgasm. The more you exercise these muscles, the more you learn which to control for what. It often feels like it’s all one big muscle doing all of this, but it definitely is different parts of your body at work with each different function. Having a good grip over your muscles can help you whenever you are trying to squeeze or push your muscles, depending on what you are trying to achieve.
- Freedom from shame and inhibitions
Just like with any other orgasm, many of the abilities in our bodies are influenced by our psychological and emotional states. A person who is already hyperconscious about orgasms, in general, is less likely to allow themselves the opportunity to breathe into their body and to truly enjoy themselves. It makes a world of a difference if you can get to a place where you are not self-conscious about how you look or sound when you orgasm, how your body is supposed to act, move or react and what your body excretes in its moments of heightened pleasure. The societal idea of women having to be dainty and well put together with everything in its place truly has a negative impact on our ability to relax or just let go. And being able to let go is a big part of being able to squirt. Most people who don’t understand what is going on with their bodies during heightened moments of pleasure tend to clench up or tighten up during sex or play. While this could feel intuitive and pleasurable for some, and while orgasms can be experienced in this way, tensing up your body is most likely to detract from an orgasm, and you’re most likely to retain any ejaculation as opposed to allowing for a free flow passage. So, during your partnered or solo play, practise not only relaxing your muscles but also practise pushing out when you feel the need to pee. Doing Kegels while you’re indulging in sexual activities also increases the chances of orgasm and ejaculation.
- Focusing on real pleasure and not performance
When you take the time to really learn what turns your body on and you focus intimate moments on pure pleasure, and not ‘achieving’ an orgasm, there is a higher chance of becoming orgasmic and potentially ejaculating. Focus on breath work and directing the waves of pleasure to the desired parts of your body, and not how ‘it’s supposed to be.’ Slow down and take your time. The more turned on you are, the more time those Skene’s glands have to swell and fill up, and the higher your chances of squirting. Remember, your pursuit of that squirting orgasm is valid, but also remember, ejaculation isn’t a sign of pleasure or orgasm. Consistent pleasure will always be better than squirting.
- The combinations
The clitoris is a trusted friend when it comes to female orgasms, and it is no different with squirting. Before relying on toys, try spending some time stimulating yourself with just your hands. Variety is a secret here – toggle between gentle and aggressive rubbing, press, flick, pull and pinch… a different sensation is likely to induce a different wave of pleasure and that often can jolt the body into squirting or experiencing an orgasm.
When you’re ready for penetration, don’t leave your fingers behind. Fingers are able to concentrate pressure in specific areas that penises or toys may not be able to. Locate that G-spot approximately one and a half knuckles deep, and bend your fingers upwards. It’s important to stimulate this area slowly and thoroughly before you start increasing your pressure and pace. When the G-spot, clitoris, and vulva swell up, there is a high chance that the Skene’s glands are producing a lot of this ejaculate. Bending your finger to be just behind the bladder and stimulating that area could allow for the release of this fluid.
Use a lot of lubrication and rub the labia and clit as well – there really can’t be too much pleasure. Steadily increase the pressure and pace of your thrusts. In the beginning, you may require more pressure in this area. A gentle warning though, this exercise can be painful or extremely uncomfortable if you are not turned on and wet enough so it’s important to time the moment you’re ready to turn the heat up. If you are doing this with a partner, be sure to communicate and find out if it still feels good.
The last technique is a combination of the two techniques. Alternate between stimulating the clitoris and penetrating the vagina. Where possible do both. Some people may find the simultaneous stimulation overwhelming, so be sure to communicate with your partners to make sure what is being done is still pleasurable. For people who enjoy deep penetration, alternate between those long, deep strokes and then refocus solely on the G-spot, while playing with the clit as well. This particular combination and having this variety have a higher chance of inducing both vaginal, clitoral and squirting orgasms.
Do not clench up, and do not be tempted to push too early either. There is a higher chance of ejaculating when you’re completely relaxed. Only use your pelvic muscles to push out when you feel the urge to pee. This could feel counterintuitive and it takes some practice. Putting a little bit of pressure on the outside of your pelvic area can help spread the erectile tissue closer to where your fingers are stimulating your vagina, and this can create more fluid and increase the chances of ejaculating.
6. Use your toys
If you struggle to ejaculate or experience an orgasm with just your fingers – that’s also fine! There is absolutely nothing wrong with using toys to enhance your pleasure or orgasmic potential. Bullets, wands and internal toys that also have an external, clitoral stimulator are your best bets. Don’t neglect to also experiment with toys that stimulate other parts of your body and can help you with feeling more turned on. Some people find they can stimulate themselves to squirt orgasms with their fingers after they have experienced orgasms or squirting with toys.
7. Practice makes perfect
An unpopular trick I have seen work with some of my clients is the idea of practising the body’s responses even when you are not in an orgasmic state. A version of faking it till you make it if you will. The psychology behind this approach is that your body doesn’t know it is allowed to do certain things until you invite it to. As awkward as it sounds, I spend time with clients getting comfortable moaning, groaning and grunting until they are no longer self-conscious about the potential sounds that could emit from their bodies. I encourage clients to practise pushing out those pelvic muscles during solo and partnered play, and never mind whether it is urine or ejaculate that comes out of their bodies. You could possibly even fart while pushing out the muscles in your body. So what? I even go as far as encouraging clients to gyrate their bodies and hips in the same ways you might when you experience an orgasm, all in the name of giving the body permission to move that way.
Beginning your playtime with a full bladder and allowing yourself to expel whichever fluid wants to come out when it wants to is also an effective way of getting your body comfortable with the idea of large amounts of fluid leaving your body. Then after some time, switch it up by emptying your bladder before you start with the stimulation. Each time, I dare you to taste and smell the fluids and notice the differences when the ejaculate has a lot of urine in it from a full bladder, and when it has little urine in it once you’ve emptied your bladder.
Remember though, female ejaculation isn’t always a long gushing stream. It can be small drips, a thin, unsuspecting, steady flow, or sometimes you just notice a pool of liquid in your palm or on your sheets and you don’t know where it comes from. Because squirting doesn’t always mean you’ve experienced an orgasm, and because it’s an involuntary bodily reaction, remember you could ejaculate and be none the wiser. Similarly, some of your most powerful or enjoyable orgasms may never include ejaculation. Always remember to focus on the pleasure of it all. Like experiencing orgasms, squirting is not an achievement that depicts great performance. Orgasms and ejaculation are but only two aspects on the large spectrum of the many things your body can do and feel during heightened pleasure. Don’t lose sight of this pleasure potential just because you’re fixated on orgasms and squirting, as great as these can be.