So, I’ve been talking to the guys and gurls, and some of you are ruuuude.
Sex, when done right, is likely to be a little rude, but some people take the mannerlessness a little too far. It is always important to have etiquette in all situations, and sex is no different. A little consideration and respect can go a long way to turn a good experience into an amazing one for you and your partner.
I’ve put together a list of the most basic etiquette every sexually active person needs to observe before, during, and after sex.
BEFORE SEX
DO:
- Communicate: If you’re not too shy to get naked and biblical with someone, you shouldn’t feel too shy to discuss important expectations and boundaries before getting down and dirty. I’m not saying that you should have a long, drawn-out, mood-killing discussion, but have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your desires, boundaries, and any concerns you may have. This sets the stage for a mutually satisfying experience.
- Respect Boundaries: Once that important convo has been had, be mindful of your partner’s comfort levels and boundaries. Always prioritise consent and never pressure anyone into any sexual activity they may not be comfortable with.
- Hygiene Check: Freshen up and ensure good personal hygiene. It’s not just a thoughtful gesture that shows you care about your partner’s experience, it’s required. Bad hygiene can ruin the mood even before it starts.
DONT:
- Assume Consent: I would think this is obvious, but apparently some people need to be told, so here goes. Never assume that previous consent applies to a current situation. Always seek explicit consent before proceeding with any sexual activity.
- Disregard Concerns: If your partner expresses any concerns or discomfort, take them seriously and address them with empathy and understanding. Don’t make jokes or dismiss them.
- Rush Things: Please and please again, stop rushing people into sex. Are you that desperate? Have some pride and self-respect. Avoid rushing or pressuring your partner into sex. Take the time to build intimacy and ensure both parties are comfortable and ready. There is quite a line between seduction and pressure. In case of doubt, one dead giveaway on which one you’re doing is how your partner reacts. If they’re not into it, don’t force it.
DURING SEX
DO:
- Communicate Continuously: Keep the lines of communication open throughout the encounter. Check in with your partner, ask for feedback on what you’re doing, and express your own desires and boundaries.
- Explore and Experiment: Be open to exploring new things with your partner, but always with their enthusiastic consent and within the boundaries that have been established.
DON’T:
- Ignore Nonverbal Cues: Pay attention to your partner’s body language and nonverbal cues. If something doesn’t feel right, you need to pause and address any concerns.
- Disregard Feedback: If your partner provides feedback or indicates discomfort, you have to acknowledge and respect their feelings and make any necessary adjustments. Continuing an activity for your pleasure when your partner is uneasy, uncomfortable, or in pain isn’t just rude; it’s selfish and in some instances, wicked.
AFTER SEX
DO:
- Express Gratitude: Show appreciation for the experience and your partner’s participation. A little post-sex gratitude can go a long way in nurturing a positive and caring connection. If your partner rocked your world, let them know.
- Check In: Don’t underestimate the importance of aftercare after sex. Take a moment to check in with your partner’s emotional well-being to ensure they are okay. Aftercare is often neglected, but it is necessary to foster stronger bonds because it helps you connect with your partner on an emotional level. Sex can make people feel vulnerable, and checking in is also a means to reassure your partner and give them comfort, especially if the experience is intense or emotionally charged. For people in long-term relationships, it can help to reaffirm the bond and intimacy shared during sex.
DON’T:
- Disappear: Leaving abruptly or disengaging emotionally immediately after sex is just rude. Take some time to ensure that your partner feels valued and cared for, both physically and emotionally.
- Pressure for more: So the sex was so good that you want more. That’s not a bad thing, but please proceed with some of that pride and self-respect we talked about earlier. You should also have some consideration for your partner. Refrain from pressuring them for additional sexual activity after the current encounter. Respect their needs and boundaries if they aren’t on the same page with you.
The more experience you have with someone, the more natural some of these will come. These etiquette tips are just a basic guide. While some like hygiene and communication are essential for every encounter, some of them should be adjusted to meet your partner’s needs. Remember, the key is always communication, respect, and a sprinkle of humour and warmth!
