Most women cannot orgasm from just penetration alone, yet many people still believe otherwise. One study found that only 18.4% of women reported that intercourse alone was enough to make them orgasm, while more than a third said they needed clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.
Misconceptions like this exist and persist because conversations around sex are still shrouded in silence. For a lot of women in Nigeria, sex is still a sacred topic discussed in hushed tones. This makes accurate information about their bodies and pleasure hard to come by.
This silence leaves many women with unanswered questions, and they rarely get to ask them publicly because of the shame and stigma surrounding them.
Sex educator Elizabeth Adewale knows what this feels like because she once had those questions herself.
Growing up, the only sex education she got was a warning not to let a man touch her or she would get pregnant. She knew little about her body, did not understand her vagina, and there were times she thought something was wrong with her because of vaginal discharge.
It was not until she started reading and learning about sex and her body that things became clearer. The more she learnt, the more she realised how much she didn’t know.
When she began sharing what she had learned, people started asking questions. That was when it dawned on her that others were just as confused as she had once been.
“There is a huge need for sex education,” she says.
“The internet is filled with misinformation and myths about sex, and many people don’t have safe spaces where they can ask questions and get accurate answers.”
What Elizabeth observed through her work is backed up by national data. According to the 2018 Nigeria Demographic and Health Survey, while awareness of contraception is high, misconceptions about reproductive health and fertility remain common among women and young people in general.
It was this reality that pushed Elizabeth to officially start educating the public about everything relating to sex, despite the culture of silence around it.
In a conversation with me, she shared that the questions she receives most often, both privately and publicly, were about pregnancy prevention, painful sex, orgasm, and pleasure.
“Many women want to know how to prevent pregnancy, understand their fertile window, track ovulation, or learn about the different contraceptive methods available to them,” she says.
She explained that many of her female clients struggle with painful sex, especially during their first time and in subsequent experiences. Others, she shared, tell her they feel little to no sensation during penetration. In some cases, she later discovers they have undergone female genital mutilation.
“I have also received a lot of questions from women who have never experienced an orgasm,” she reveals. “They want to know what it feels like and how they can experience one.”
Many women, she notes, worry that something is wrong with them because they cannot orgasm from penetration or because they do not squirt.
One of the most common myths Elizabeth encounters is the belief that having sex makes a woman’s vagina loose.
“You often see people, especially men online, comparing the vagina to a rubber band and claiming that a virgin’s vagina is tighter than the vagina of a woman who has had sex multiple times.”
Another misconception she frequently has to correct is the belief that women are supposed to orgasm from penetration alone. “It’s a message that is constantly reinforced by movies and pornography, but it doesn’t reflect the reality of most women,” she says.
“Most women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm. The clitoris, not the vagina, is the primary pathway to female orgasms.”
She also adds that she has had to regularly address misconceptions about sex toys. “Many people believe that using toys will damage a woman and make it impossible for a partner to satisfy her. That’s simply not true.”
“Sex toys are tools that can enhance pleasure and help people explore their bodies. They don’t replace intimacy or connection with a partner. In fact, many couples use toys together as part of their sex lives.”
Despite how important her work is, Elizabeth has had her own fair share of challenges.
Working in a field that many people still consider taboo has exposed her to criticism, harassment, and judgement, especially as an unmarried woman.
“I’ve been slut-shamed, had my work dismissed, and had people question my credibility just because I talk openly about sex and sexuality.”
“I’ve had people ask, ‘What do you know?’ or assume that because I talk about sex, I must have slept around.”
She says she receives a lot of inappropriate messages. “Men often approach me with the intention of wanting to ‘practise’ what I teach, and I’ve received unsolicited dick pictures and messages over the years.”
Professionally, her content is often restricted, shadow-banned, or demonetised because social media platforms often struggle to distinguish sex education from explicit content.
“Despite all of that, I continue because I know the impact this work has. Every day, I hear from people whose lives have improved because they finally got access to accurate information, and that makes it worth it.”
One of the most surprising things Elizabeth has learned is that many of the people who criticise her work publicly are often the same people in her DMs asking questions.
“They’re seeking advice, booking sessions, or looking for information for themselves or someone they know.”
This, she says, has taught her that people are curious and they want information. However, because of the stigma surrounding sex, many do not feel comfortable engaging with these conversations publicly, so they criticise it or stay silent.
Above all, Elizabeth hopes women learn to see their bodies as more than vessels for reproduction.
“We spend so much time talking about women’s bodies in terms of reproduction, pregnancy, periods, and what can go wrong that we sometimes forget that our bodies are also designed for pleasure,” she says.
“I often tell women that pleasure is their birthright. Your body is capable of so much pleasure. The clitoris has over 10,000 nerve endings and exists primarily for pleasure.”
She encourages women to explore their bodies and get to know themselves. “Learn what feels good, what turns you on, and what doesn’t. That exploration doesn’t always have to be sexual. Becoming familiar with your body can help you feel more confident and connected to yourself.”
She also wishes women would take an active role in their pleasure and orgasms. “You can’t place that responsibility entirely in someone else’s hands. In fact, for many women, their first orgasm happens with themselves, not with a man.”
Most importantly, she wants women to know that there is no one right way to experience sexuality.
“Whatever choices you make, make sure they are your choices and not decisions driven by pressure, shame, fear, or societal expectations. Your body is capable of so much more than you’ve probably been taught. Give yourself permission to learn, explore, and enjoy it.”
Elizabeth’s work exists because of a silence that continues to surround sex. Every question she receives shows how badly women want information. They want to understand their bodies and despite the stigma around it, they are still searching for answers.
For Elizabeth, the search is exactly why sex education matters.
