One of the commenter’s on a previous post wanted to know our thoughts on anal sex, pornography and sex toys. I can’t speak for Abena so as usual I shall speak for myself.
Anal Sex – I have tried it once and I’m not a big fan. I may even go so far to say never again. Saying that, I don’t think the real issue was the act itself but the emotional context in which the act took place. At the time I was in the dying stages of a relationship and my partner at the time decided that the one thing he wanted was to have anal sex with me, He badgered me until I agreed (needless to say I have outgrown consenting to acts that I am not 100% up for). So he started, got about halfway through and then started crying, “I’m so sorry”. I ended up comforting him, “Don’t worry, its fine” but I was the one who ended up with a sore arse.
On the other hand one of my girlfriend raves about the joys of anal sex (I am sure she will not mind me paraphrasing her here). She and her boyfriend decided “Yep, we want to try anal” and so she did her research… bought the best lubes on the market, bought an anal dildo to practice with and away they went. According to her you can get the most amazing sensations from anal sex. However, she’s the only friend who has told me about her experiences of anal sex. I am interested in the opinion of other women. Are you like me? Do you think never again, not in a million years or do you think Yep, greatest thing since cunninlingus?
Pornography – I have mixed feelings about pornography. From having read people like Andrea Dworkin I know that there is a school of thought that believes pornography encourages rape and sexual violence. I am also concerned that there are millions of women who are trafficked, abused and exploited in the sex industry (of which pornography is a part). Another concern is that the majority of pornography is made for the male gaze, so shot in ways that are more likely to titillate men…what is up with shoving humongous dicks in the face of women or spraying semen all over a woman’s face? That is definitely not a turn for me. I have watched pornography though, on my own and with partners (With one partner we ended up throwing away all the videos because I started over analyzing the scenes) A friend once gave me some lesbian porn which I thought was incredibly erotic (I tell you I was sad to give those DVDs back). I have also researched some women friendly porn videos – shot by women and for the woman’s gaze, so designed to please women. No sperm shots here.
Sex toys – I love sex toys! Really I don’t have much to say on the subject except the rabbit is the best invention ever. Tip for the ladies – when you and your partner are having sex doggy style hold the ears of the rabbit against your clit. You will have the best orgasm of your life ever! At least, that always works for me.
Nana Darkoa
17 comments On On Anal Sex, Pornography and Sex Toys
Anal sex has always been one of my nightmares. I sometimes even worry that my partner may during a frenzied thrusting moment (you ladies know what I’m talking about) may come out and hit the wrong hole!!!
It is just one of those things I have never wanted to try…..
Nana, thanks for your response to my comment. I have commented often and will just call myself Shane from now on. Again, kudos on the blog!
I’m with you on the anal-sex thing – it’s a no-no for me. I’m down with getting all nasty when it comes to sex but I just think it’s unnecessary, given that there are a couple of other orifices probably better suited to the purpose. (I also have a niggling fear that in the thick of things, any number of unpleasant things could happen – if you know what I mean).
On vibrators – I masturbate often but have more of a ‘hands-on’ approach. I am open to new things and was wondering if you could provide any insights on the merits of mechanical vrs. manual stimulation 🙂
On porn – yes please! I agree with you about the male oriented variety of the genre though, doesn’t do much for me. Lesbian and solo (of either sex for the latter), are much more enjoyable. I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing or my upbringing but I always feel slightly guilty afterward and can’t even indulge comfortably when i’m with my boyfriend.
Oh and p.s. cunnilingus is the greatest thing since cunnilingus – period!
oh girl where do I start.I like a little pain with my pleasure and have been open to experimenting with anal sex.Lets just say I overestimated my pain threshold lol!ouch.I haven’t tried for a long time but would give it another go in the right type of relationship.A past lover (West African)who suggested it was on a power trip so I turned him down.
Sex toys seem like a good idea at the shop/party but never make it out my cupboard.
I’ve never understood why ‘the money shot’ is supposed to be a turn on either.But I enjoy porn.
Love the blog keep up the good work
Brown Sugar – You have made me laugh so hard. Yep, I know exactly what you’re talking about.
Shane – I am so glad that you have stayed tuned into the blog. It’s always great to get a response from the person who made the comment. Watch out for a future post on manual versus mechanical stimulation.
Anon – Lol! You have also given me a good laugh but I guess I shouldn’t be laughing at your pain 🙂 You have to admit sex is funny sometimes. Come on, you should get your sex toys out of the cupboard so you can give us all some tips.
Thanks for the feedback all
I’ve never had anal sex, but I think I want to try it eventually. I am currently in a good relationship that is very adventurous and I think my boyfriend would like to try it soon. We recently experimented with titty f**king to great success! My body weirdly radiates heat all the time but esp during sexual activity, so that, combined with a little lube and my tender breasts, my boyfriend said he had an amazing orgasm (and his “explosion” was plenty evidence of that!). I’d be interested to hear other people’s experience with this.
As for sex toys, I have always been a fan of the Rabbit (my best friends in Uni bought me one for my 21st Bday), but I fear that I may have used it too much. Sex is still enjoyable for me, but it takes a lot more now to get me to climax vaginally and clitorally than it did in the past. I’m now 3 months sober from the pleasures of my Rabbit (I left it locked in my bedroom drawer in the US when I moved to Ghana) and I can feel each sexual encounter gets better the longer I have been away from the vibrator/dildo combo. Perhaps I will bring it back with me when I go back home in the summer, but for now, I am having plenty of fun exploring my partner’s body and my own manually 🙂
Nana, this blog is jee! AYEKOO!
Fante Princess, thanks for the positive feedback.I do appreciate it. Ei, your experience with titty fu**ing was obviously a success as you said. I am curious, your boyfriend orgasmed, did you? Did the experience turn you on as much as it did him? Charle if you ever venture into the realms of anal sex you have to give us an update:) As far as I am concerned an important part of this blog is documenting the experiences of African women.
Yay, another fan of the rabbit. I don’t blame you for leaving it beniind in the US, I have always been nervous about travelling with a vibrator. In my mind, a custom’s officer will decide to search my bags and go “So, what do we have here?”
I didn’t orgasm during our titty f**king escapade, but I wanted to give my boyfriend a little treat for being so good to me and for always making sure I am satisfied physically, emotionally, and spiritually, first and foremost. He can lick me like no one else 🙂 I am not the biggest fan of giving blow jobs because I find them somewhat demeaning to women, even though I do oblige from time to time because I love him. I wanted to be creative and a friend suggested titty f**king since I’m blessed in the chest! He loved it and I loved that I could give him that pleasure. Finally, the face to face interaction during the session is priceless*
Hi Nana
I have never had anal sex and i dont think i will ever practice that.
Hi baby…thanks for the feedback
I have never had anal sex and don’t think i ever want to try it. When my ex said he wanted to try it , I told him , he might as well go f%/§ a dude. lol Sexually, I think I’ve tried most things but anal is just a no no. In my opinion, that’s strictly an exit hole. Dont wanna be in diapers when my anal muscles stop contracting and relaxing . 😉
Love your blog Nana.
Ok first of all I LOVE this blog and have been promoting it amongst all my Nigerian sisters!!!
Next I know this is really belated but I had to comment on anal sex since most people seem to hate on it a lot. I’ve not had anal sex with a partner but anal masturbation is a HUGE part of my solo sex life. It really is the best thing since… I don’t know… the internet!!! I get amazing orgasms from it. I think if you can get past the ick factor and relax as the dildo (or I guess penis) goes in, you’ll love it too. Lube/ Vaseline (yes i know its bad for condoms but its solo so…) is a must… lots of it too. I think for people who want to try the biggest thing I can recommend is push out as the dildo/penis is going in (push out like you want to take a dump- obviously its beneficial if you’ve already taken a dump prior to pushing out so you don’t actually take a dump), this really makes the entrance go a little smoother.
Anyway point being, I think anal is HOT! Better even with a vibe in the vagina and lots of finger play on the clit. Ooohhhhhhh la la la la la if you know what I mean,
About porn, I watch occasionally. As an African female, I know better than to buy into the way the woman is humiliated/put down/whatstheword…oppressed in male-dominated porn, however, I guiltily confess that I do have mild submissive (as in Dom/Sub) fantasies in the bedroom. Outside of the bedroom of course I’m a strong black, African woman but in bed, just hold me down and eff me, y’know? Maybe I’m sick I dunno.
About Sex toys, I have a love-hate relationships with vibes esp. on the clit. I feel like they do cause a little loss of sensitivity after a while. So its an on-off thing.
Anyway, even though this is coming sooo late as to be maybe be irrelevant on this topic, I just wanted to share.
@Chichi – Thank you, thank you, thank you and much love to you for promoting amongst the Nigerian sisters…I don’t think it is ever too late to comment on a post. Its actually really nice because it gives the post a fresh leash of life.
I have to say that I have never even thought anal masturbation was possible…wow, anal appears to be like marmite…you either love it or hate it. Maybe those of us hating have just never given anal a fair chance 🙂
i have just discovered this blog and am enamoured…
anal sex – had a conversation recently with my current sex partner about this and he has tried it with a former sex partner, and i haven’t. i think its something i will definitely try…my philosophy is don’t hate it til you try it (within my reason)
pornography – i love love love porn. i have dealt with the guilt from my religious upbringing to embrace porn and erotica. it builds my sexual fantasy life and its amazing for solo sex sessions. while i have heard both sides of the argument both pro and against pornography made by feminists the world over, i really enjoy porn and that is enough for me, right now at least.
sex toys – will report back after i try it out
@lovin’ this – Glad you discovered the blog. Do give us feedback after your ‘trials’ (pun was initially not intended – but mmm, i think it works) 🙂
It seems I am one of the few who has tried anal sex and luved it. It is always a bit painful on first entry but after that its just sweet and crazy intense. I dont do it with well-endowed men cuz im scared I might have to wear adult pampers :).
On the subject of women friendly porn, has anyone watched the romance series made by new sensations? I find their movies pretty hot and totally enjoyable
Just discovering this site (my GF brought it to my attention). Thanks for the good work.
Will try to keep my comment brief. Pardon me if it gets lengthy. #forewarned
On Anal Sex: I tried it many years ago out of curiosity, and my partner then agreed to try it as well. It was neither comfortable nor enjoyable. My curiosity was informed by the perception of tightness – as in expecting my penis to fit so tightly that i could experience the best thrusting. The amount of effort and time involved in prepping the hole for penetration did not turn out to be worth the hype.
On Pornography: I grew out of it. Started out in my sex-starved teenage years, with the bra section of a retail catalog. And then later in my independent young adult years, I had the convenience of walking into an adult video store and getting a DVD. That was long before fast and reliable internet connections (and the assorted porn sites) became pervasive. I realized quickly that most of the porn was artificial and meant to gratify lust. It did gratify my lust. Fast-forward to today. I have no interest whatsoever in porn. It has become what the bra section of the retail catalog become as I got older. I however enjoy erotic movies where the sex is real. My GF and I have had conversations about porn and we know it’s place in the context of our lives – we don’t run away from it like it as plague, we don’t seek. We have the good fortune of being very sexually compatible and so we are equally and naturally motivated and have found ways to stimulate each other without needing porn. The Sinclair Institute has some awesome videos in their Better Sex series, with real-life couples having real sex. I don’t consider that porn – that is sex ed done right.
On Toys: There are toys and then there are toys…LOL! Some of the toys are ridiculous – but hey, to each his own. I don’t remember trying any toys for men. A traditional self-administered hand job has always done it for me just fine anytime i need to get off solo (going solo is an accepted norm for us). I’m totally comfortable with my GF having a toy or two. For the single girl i recommend having the conversation with your new partner before you bruise his ego by introducing toys (some men may interpret toys as hints to their inadequacy). For couples, talk about it and establish a comfort level. You may consider less-threatening options like massagers or bullets or go all-out with penis-mimicking vibrators. But whatever you decide to get, don’t get an artificial dick larger than your man (that might be a recipe for eventual disaster).
Thanks for allowing progressive brothers to participate in your Adventures.