Advice on Sex and Relationships from a Single Thirty Something Woman to Single Thirty Something Women

There is much that thrills me about being thirty something including:

• Being thirty something yet looking like I’m twenty something
• An increased sense of confidence and self worth
• Greater financial and personal freedom
• Being able to easily get on and be friends with people who are in their 20s, 30s and 40s
• Being fancied by men and women who are in their 20s, 30s and 40s

In short, I think it’s great to be thirty something. I also think in your thirties you should be able to grasp opportunities and get what you want out of life. Getting what you want out of life includes personal happiness, financial freedom, mind boggling sex, work/life balance, great friends and a supportive family. At this stage some of you are probably thinking “But you can’t have it all?” Why not? I say.

So, I have some advice for my thirty something sisters. Feel free to take my advice, reject my advice, shelf it…in short do with it as you wish. True to form my advice is going to revolve around sex…and relationships and is directed primarily at single women (like myself).

First of all the reality check:

In my opinion it is difficult to meet an eligible man in your thirties (please note I said difficult and not impossible). Seriously, I am talking about the type of man with whom you would want to have a lifetime partnership/marriage. There are several reasons for this difficulty. If your context is anywhere like where I’m based (in Ghana) people tend to get married in their twenties to people they were dating in their twenties or even late teens…AND people tend not to get divorced. Not even when those marriages are not working out. In Ghana people will rather have affairs. A man could legitimately have a mistress or a girlfriend or even a second wife, a woman would either take refuge in church, or try and get her bit on the side…she would be sooo discreet about it though. So what are you to do as a single thirty something woman?

• Get on with your life and enjoy it! There is no point moping about the lack of eligible men, focus on having a strong network of friends/family/acquaintances and on developing your business/career.
• Decide what your personal values are around sex. Do you only want to have sex within a monogamous relationship? Will a buddy relationship work for you? Are you comfortable with casual sex?
• Biology has been really unfair to women I think – if you want a child you cannot wait forever for Mr Right (or Ms Right for that matter) to come into your life. At a certain age you may just need to decide that you want a child in which case you may need to take direct action. Your options include adoption, sperm donation and a planned pregnancy. I’m no doctor but I hear it’s also a good idea to find out when your mother experienced menopause. This may give you an indication of when you are likely to experience menopause.
• And for those die hard romantics who just want to find Mr or Ms Right – my recommendation is that you approach the search like you would a job. Think of the criteria the employer (Mr/Ms Right) is looking for, determine which employer you want to work for, go for interviews and decide which job you want. Be realistic about the job though – it may not be as great as you thought it might be, but the pros may outweigh the cons. A friend once said to me (in relation to real jobs) that no one signs a contract for life so if you find the job you go for is untenable (depending on your personal beliefs) you might want to consider finding a new job or being a free lance consultant. Wow! Did I stretch that metaphor or what?

Whatever you decide to do remember that you are a fabulous thirty something woman!

What are your thoughts? Any advice you would like to share? Are you a thirty something
woman? What’s been your experience of being thirty something when it comes to sex and relationships?