Pine for me!

Human are essentially selfish and jealous beings. On one episode of ‘Friends’ Chandler (or one of those other guys) told Phoebe that there are “no selfless good deeds”. She insisted that there were!

“Helping another person is a selfless act,” she said.

“Yeah, but the reward is that YOU feel good in return, therefore it’s not a selfless act,” said Ross (or one of those other guys).

There is nothing more selfish than being in love. You can disagree, but it’s true. After all, you yourself are not in love for the benefit of the other person, are you? You’ve spent your hard time – and sometimes precious resources – in the pursuit and capture of the object of your affection. The fact that they love you back makes your relationship symbiotic as opposed to parasitic. And so when your relationship with this other person ends, no matter how lengthy and committed or short-term and whimsical, it’s only natural that you would want them to have enough regard for you to stay single until YOU have sorted out you’re emotions for them. I’ll come straight to the point: It’s painful to watch someone move on after a break up.

No matter how much good will you have towards a person, there will always be a sting in the back of your throat upon the site of your ex-love getting all cozy with another man/woman…that is of course unless you hate their very guts and pray that air itself becomes poison to them. A quick survey among 5 other women confirmed my theory.

“Yes, it’s to watch someone move one, even if you’ve moved on yourself,” one said matter-of-factly. “After all, you want the person to sit there and pine for you, don’t you?”

“It’s almost like you’re being forced to let something go that you once owned,” said another. “It’s like he/she has taken themselves off the shelf where they were gathering dust. No, you don’t need them, but it’s nice to know that they were there.”

I haven’t asked any men at all if it’s hard to watch an ex move on, even if they the man are in a committed relationship. I think it would equally as hard, even if neither camp would like to admit it. Am I wrong?

7 comments On Pine for me!

  • You are soooo right!!!! Even if you don’t want the person anymore you don’t want them to move on…I know, I know, its selfish but…

  • Yes humans are selfish & jealous.
    We lie too.
    I don’t know how else we can explain the ache that sets in when we find out an ex has a new partner. My explanation is that it hurts or bothers us when we aren’t over the ex. Doesn’t happen when the ex is someone you didn’t like that much or you meet someone that’s far better than the ex.
    When you are really over someone, you’d have zero interest in what he/she does.
    But, we are human.
    We do that positive affirmation thing, that we are over the ex when we really aren’t. It makes us sleep better.
    When you know deep inside that you are better off without the ex,nothing about them would even make you blink.

  • Well, there are some selfless acts. During the 2nd world war, some soldiers were seen throwing themselves on grenades and bombs to save the lives of their colleagues during the war. I dont know what they were expecting from these acts, but my answer is close to ‘nothing’

  • Only one proverb comes to mind: Eating my cake and having it back. Just the thought that my ex is still trying to get over me and looks at me with envy/hunger is satisfaction enough.
    What does it mean if you can’t bear the thought of her being with another man?

  • Move on, folks, move on! If you’re the break-upper, you have no moral right to wish for the break-uppee to pine for you. If you’re the break-uppee, don’t give the break-upper the satisfaction of knowing that ‘ashi wo paa’…

    (OK, in my idle times I chew the cud and chew the cud, but I know that break-ups happen for a reason and that historical revisionism is often a sign of being hard-up with nowhere to go. 🙂 ) Much like the Nkrumahism that shackles the minds of a fair segment of our populace, lovers look more comely as their image recedes in the rear view mirror.

  • I have to agree with everything Mike said. If you were TRULY over the person, it would not hurt so much. Well out!

  • OMG!! For once, Abena & I agree on something.
    Somebody loan me $1. Gotta buy a lotto ticket ASAP. LOL

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