Ms A asks “Are we preoccupied with size?”

I spent the last 15 minutes trying to find a nice witty quote about size that I could use as an intro to this post on penis size. I found two that were quite apt:

–        “It isn’t by size that you win or fail — be the best of whatever you are”,  as said by Douglas Malloch (as should be noted by the men!) ; and

–        “The best we can do is size up the chances, calculate the risks involved, estimate our ability to deal with them, and then make our plans with confidence” As said by Henry Ford (and as should be noted by the women).

I am not sure many readers to Nana’s Blog saw the post on Ghana Web alluding to the fact that based on the new world penis atlas,  Ghanaian men have the second longest pensis   in the world coming in – or should I say cuming in? –  at 6.7 inches, beaten only by the Congolese who on average have a whopping 7 inches.  Even funnier than the post itself are the comments as left by Ghanaians which ranged from ‘Ayekoo Ghana!’  to which public figures are in or out of line with this findings. I really won’t attempt to get into why the need for this atlas and the motivations behind it, all questions that I would love to ask the statisticians behind this.  It did leave me however wondering if size is indeed one of the criteria that we consciously or unconsciously look for in a partner.

Let me categorically state that my sample size according to countries is woefully limited, and as such I cannot agree or disagree with the overall findings.  In my sexual experiences to date I have come across various sizes, ranging from the woefully small to the uncomfortably large. I had one lover who was so small – both length and width – that it forced me to develop new techniques of making love that became modus operandi with other lovers too.  In order for him or I to cum, I would lie with my legs as wide open as possible (that also provided some extra stimulation for my clit when he was inside) and simply perform my pelvic floor exercises while having sex in an attempt to grip him better.  Talk about killing two birds with one stone! Never quite realised how good I had become until another lover asked if I had grown an extra pair of hands!  On the other end of the spectrum, I weaned myself off another lover as he was too big and sex just was not fun anymore. It almost felt like I was being impaled!

Those experiences and the article does leave me with several questions that I have been pondering again since looking at the atlas – are we both as men and women too occupied with size?  Does good sex always have to be about having a bigger dick? What is more crucial – good technique or an above average sized dick?  And what about if the questions were reversed – I am curious do men also think or rate us women according to size?

To date I have not chosen a lover based on size. That for me is always a surprise – pleasant or otherwise – when we get to that stage of the relationship.  Nevertheless, the atlas combined with the music videos of those Congolese men doing fantastic hip and waist gyrations have left me wondering if a vacation in Congo wouldn’t be in order.

53 comments On Ms A asks “Are we preoccupied with size?”

  • Hehehehe, Ms A you have made me laugh so much 🙂 In terms of what is more crucial I would say technique without a doubt! Of course you need to have ‘something small’ with which to work your technique. Say 5 inches…and who are these people who research these things? Thanks for the contribution Sister. I await more from you 🙂

  • Thanks for posting Nana – I was also just reading and looking at a previous post of yours that interesting got a lot of views – second highest in fact -! ‘The African Man: Hang Like a Horse’ – I guess this sort of ‘research’ does end up contributing to sexual stereotype of African men that a lot of your readers alluded to in their comments on this post. Doesn’t it?

    Just googled and found out through that there are all sorts of wierd statistics when it comes to sex and size, two more notable ones :
    – the world’s largest penis measures 13.5 inches (34 cm) in length and is 6.25 inches (16 cm) in circumference; ironically he is white and from Brooklyn
    – the world’s largest vagina measured 19 inches (48 cm) in circumference.
    I guess in some cases size really does matter!
    Source : 10 Bizarre World Sex Records

  • “Does good sex always have to be about having a bigger dick? What is more crucial – good technique or an above average sized dick? And what about if the questions were reversed – I am curious do men also think or rate us women according to size?”

    Good sex defintely is not about having a big dick (although THAT usually helps you to get the GIRL in the first place, lol)

    But while good technique is much better, in my neck of the woods (excuse the pun) I live in a very phallocentric society, which should not be surprising given that patriarchal ideas are what infomr our understanding of progress, morality and strength.

    Hey Nana, “who are the people who research these things”? My lady, don’t put anything past Western scientiests, lol. I remember watchng a documetary on sex on HBO some years ago and there was a man who had conducted experiements in sexual arousal and performance back in the 70s and early 80s and he pointed out that they actually had people perform sex in lab settings!! I’m talking about people in white coats observing and scribbling notes (yeah, I’D do that…….not sure what pen I might end up using *ahem*)

  • Lol. What a brilliant post, I’m sorry my comment is going to be quite technical 😀

    Actually, according to the map the Ecuadorians come in second with an average penis length of 6.9 inches. Also, Ghana ties with both Colombia and Venezuala at 6.7 inches.

    I saw the interactive map earlier this week and I couldn’t help but wonder how exactly they measured penis lengths…what kind of methodology did they use? How many men were actually measured to determine the average length per country.

    And I thought they said it wasn’t length that matter but girth and technique?

  • Do some of these women who seem to perpetuate the need for larger dicks ever realize their vags just might be wide and deep? One could almost argue there are certain women who just have deep chasms that are hard to fill. I emailed a friend this piece, who complained “*@&^’s pussy is tight for maybe the first 2 mins in the first 3″ then after, it feels like i’m fucking a hole. i could be 9″ and still not feel her, but who am i to complain? it’s not like you can just tell your gf her pussy might be loose”

    And guess what, a lot of guys quietly murmur about this, but dare not say it to the women they sleep with. At some point, women have to start asking “is it just a matter of me wanting him to be big, or is my vagina just that big?” Whenever women come to accepting the possibility that their vag at 14, isn’t the same at 24, 34, or 44, then both they and men can to some agreement and maybe there’ll be less of a preoccupation with size by both sexes.

  • @Corey – Looll! Are you referring to the famous Kinsey report? You’ve made me smile…

    @Mike – Is it really women perpetuating the need for larger dicks? I think men who consider themselves ‘well endowed’ are the ones who perpetuate that. African men especially love to perpetuate the myth that they are all hung like horses. Who wants to be a horse anyway?

    And re the ‘size’ of women’s vaginas I am sure that will change with age, childbirth, etc. C’est normale, n’est pas?

  • say mike what about those of us who actually put in effort to make it wet and loose before we hit it. there might be something wrong with me but i stay away from the tights.:) can men really tell how big or small a pussy is ? or we just pretend there is a diffrence depending on the age of the vessel

  • thanks D. you dont know you are missing till you have had it juicy and we all claim we want it juicy. there is just something that confuses me about we wanting it tight at the same time. looking at the anatomy of subject in question how can you have it both juicy and tight Help me here miss D

  • @ Mr Y. “wet & loose”?
    Getting it wet doesn’t make it loose. It reduces friction.

    Highway speed limit in most places is under 100mph but it sure feels great to have a car that you know can do 200mph if you ever need to.
    That feeling is what makes some men brag about being hung, and makes some women not ashamed to admit they would rather have a man that’s packin.

  • it was a nice read. i have been to many forums and most women talk about size and i will go with Mike, they forget the problem can be with them and not with the man.

    have you ever wondered why a woman who likes fisting talks about size? which size does she want. even a professional whore complaints about size, when she wants to marry, forgetting her past.

    why should you talk about size when you are doing nothing to your cooda after giving birth?

    you have half the work done if you got the right tool, the rest is up to you. if you are good, you get the work done within a short time, but if you have two left hands, it can take you forever to do it.

  • My understanding is that the “researchers” relied on self-reporting…

    My guess is that there is quite a bit of self-esteem issues masquerading as phallo-superiority.

  • Eh, I recall reading a purported Kama Sutra explanation on different kinds of yoni (vagina) and lingam (penis). There are 12 types/constellations all together but the general message that is repeated is this ‘size does not matter’. What matters is that one’s type of yoni is compatible with a lingam (or another yoni). It is kind of like astrology or zodiac.

    On the other hand sizes of both yoni and lingam are three types. For men there’s the hare, bull and horse while for women there’s the deer, hare and elephant. So yeah I guess vaginal passages can be measured if I’m to believe what I’ve read online 😀

  • @Nana To answer you: YES, for the most part. The men aren’t the one buying the over-sized dilds; or the ones making pointed references to that mythical hand-feet-size correlation. We see it largely in social media, entertainment, and even entries on this very forum perpetuate the need for above ave dicks. The men simply follow suit in trying to impress women. If 4-inch penises were all the rave and women crowed about how they preferred below ave, I doubt you’d find any (African) man trying to impress women with tall tales about elephant-sized penis. As for the bit about women’s sizes changing.. yes, it’s part of life. what is not a normal part of life is men continuously growing alongside to fit the growing trench women develop. So, instead of saying that 6, 7, 8″ might be too small for her, I’d rather that woman take a mirror out and ask herself “how come it hurt when I felt that 1 finger at 14, but not feel a thing with someone 7*2?” If she can insert two fingers side-by-side w/o any resistance; or if he can enter her in a flaccid state, then maybe she can reach some catharsis about her own body- stop perpetuating her need for larger dicks (instead of doing some kegel exercises) – and then men would stop believing they need to be larger to satisfy her or any other woman.

    @Mr. Y “wet and loose?” I’m all for wet, but loose? Have you ever been in loose? The penis needs some measure of lubrication and friction, and luckily I haven’t had that issue with my gf. No man wants to enter something he thought couldn’t cum from.

  • @ Corey : I am from your neck of the woods too and yes, I know it’s always about ‘the bigger the better’ – rooted in slavery and the need, in fact the survival of the man being linked to how much off offspring he could produce? The bigger the better? I am not a sociologist so apologies for the crude attempt at analysis but yes, I do wonder if its related. Its ‘glorified’ everywhere from the explicit dancehall lyrics promising hell and damnation should a man get you into bed, to just general conversation. Women too have not been left out of the fray and have been also dealing with their own issues. While I haven’t done the research I am sure that there was an increase in the sales of alum and cake soap (i.e. washing soap) after Shabba Rank’s hit ‘ Needle Eye Pum Pum’ – after all every woman wants to be able to hold ‘tight and good’ .

    @ Eccentricyouroba : thanks for the correction. Hopefully this lowered notch on the proverbial belt of size doesn’t affect the Ghanaian male pride too much!

    @ Mike: you have raised a very good point and I do agree that as women it’s an issue that we tend to shy away from or not even think about. I guess we have been schooled into thinking that we have a one size fits all vagina and that it will simply adjust to fit the size of the man, excepting maybe for the super small. Granted I would hate for anyone to judge the potential or actual quality of a relationship with me based on the tightness – or lack thereof depending on the perspective – of my pussy. I guess as women we also shouldn’t judged based on the size of the man. I am curious to know what other women think about the fact that depending on our partners’ perspectives we may in fact be too ‘big’. As a woman how would one handle that? Or would we expect our partners to murmur quietly as Mike said?

  • @ Mr Y: what can I say? To each his own I guess. You sound like a man that knows what he likes and more power – or should I say wetness and looseness – to you! I am curious to see what other responses Mike and your fellow men have to say.

    @ Ewiase : Cooda? Never heard that term used for a vagina before – I had a good laugh. Another blog post Nana? The names we call vaginas by: cooda, pussy, pumpum, glamity, snatch, juice pot, Miss P – ok, will stop here for now! Back to the topic at hand though – Is there such a thing as organ compatibility as Eccentricyourba has now raised? And what is the ‘right tool’? On the other hand, does a bad workman quarrel with his/her tool? Meaning do we end up complaining about size when we just aren’t doing the right things in the first place?

  • @ mike
    i was kinda using the term loose loosely if i was been precise what i will insert in that place is relaxed.that being said i will have to disagree with you slightly on the term wetness reducing friction. going by the now famous prick Map even if you were south korean a waiting ,inviting,WET, relaxed coochie should not reduce friction for you it should enhance it. try it and revert….. just in case you still prefer to shove that fine too. some of us Looooove to slide instead matter of taste eeihhh

    ps miss A looks like you are one to prefer gliders 🙂 more power to you too sister

  • @miss A

    I meant sliders sorry about the typo

  • @ Miss A
    *gasp* a fellow Trini on this site?! Lord, now I have to watch mihself (Trini like salt boy, allyuh in everything).

    But you raised a point that I forgot to comment on regarding this obsession many men have with tightness (which of course is connected to the question of do men have similar issues of a big [or loose] vagina).

    As I’m sure you’re aware, here in Trinidad one of the disparaging comments men often make about women is about who “have a big ‘cyat'”. In my own unlearned opinion I strongly believe that this stems from a very very ancient superstition in patricentric ideology. Ancient patriarchists had an obsessive fear of their penises being cut off and a woman’s vagina was seen as another mouth that was capable of devouring a man’s penis (there’s even a term for it: Vagina Dentata).

    It’s no accident that the word “cunt” is related to “consume” and “consummate” or that in some old European languages terms for orgasm also mean “little death.” From top to bottom our so-called moral ideas view sex is viewed as a contest, not as a way of exchanging energies with someone who you simply feel close to. I want to believe that this is why men’s fixation on a tight pussy and on anal sex is because subconsciously, there is arousal on seeing a woman in pain — even if mixed with pleasure — because it suggests that we are defeating you.

    But like you me eh no sociologist or sexologist so maybe we should put the question to Raj on he radio show

    @ Nana
    I’m not sure it was the Kinsey report; I’m familiar of course with that (in)famous study but I think this one was actually done in the 70s or 80s. Kinsey did his own back in the late 40s and early 50s.

    • @Corey – Thanks for the correction re the date of Kinsey’s report. What kind of pseudo sex blogger am I not to remember this? Which report are you referring to? I’m curious 🙂

      And thank you for raising the very important point of the fear of being killed by the ‘cunt’.

      I also love the idea of thinking of sex “as a way of exchanging energies with someone who you simply feel close to…”. I think I’m going to adopt this as my official definition of what sex is…

  • @ Kofi
    “My guess is that there is quite a bit of self-esteem issues masquerading as phallo-superiority.”

    You’ve actually hit the nail squarely on the head; in patricentric ideology phallo-superiority is PRINCIPALLY about self-esteem issues and oftentimes unconscious feelings of inadequacy. This is what accounts for the flood of phallic imagery, aesthetics (like totally uneccessary skyscrapers for instance) and metaphors (big shot, big gun, big dick, etc)

    In matricentric customs phallicism existed too but the major difference was that it was complementary to the female principle such as the sacred vulva.

  • @ Nana

    “Thanks for the correction re the date of Kinsey’s report……… Which report are you referring to? I’m curious”

    That’s just it, for the life of me I cannot remember what was the report or even the documentary I saw it on. It was so long ago I had taped it on VCR but the tape had deteriorated a couple years ago and I had to dump it.

    As for that curiosity, watch it, it did something to a cat once *ahem*

    “I also love the idea of thinking of sex “as a way of exchanging energies with someone who you simply feel close to…”. I think I’m going to adopt this as my official definition of what sex is…”

    About that, two statements stand out in my mind. The first was something I read in the UK Guardian a while aback in an article entitled “Sex, Now, Please” the writer said (paraphrasing here) sex should be just another way of interaction between or among people who may be in love or just close or like each other or even if they DON’T like each other but are comfortable enough to interact with each other at that intimate level in order to express things that simply cannot be articulatd by any other means. I always try to link that to something else I read in the book “The Bitch in the House” where Hannah Pine, the woman who wrote the piece “My Marriage, My Affairs” said “I simply believe that for culture to flourish, sex MUST not remain a morality tale. This renders nobody happy.”

  • Ms A, I missed telling you this in my previous comment; You write well, and I enjoyed reading your post.
    Yes, we are preoccupied with penis size. Both men & women.
    I have my hand up. Pussy tightness is a major factor for me when deciding if a woman is a keeper. If the pussy doesnt wrap itself around my dick, I do us both a favor and give her room to find a better fit. Yes, there are positions that work but they get boring quickly.
    I once told a young lady we needed to work on her tightness. I regret doing that because the ben wa balls and kegels we tried didnt work. My weak heart can’t bear doing that to anyone.

    @ Corey. Men’s fixation on a tight pussy & anal sex is about pleasure in seeing a woman in pain?? errrrm No. Maybe for rapists, and paedophiles.
    No way I’m cumming if my dick feels like its in an ocean. Hence the need for tight pussy.
    By the way, there are women that prefer anal sex.

  • @Ms A: I applaud you for working with what you had when you had a relatively undersized partner. Most of the comments in the thread here seem to deflect the issues in a manner that makes it the “fault” or responsibility of the partner. I wonder whether we all believe that we are okay, and it’s always the other person who is making the experience less than what it could be.

  • @ Mr Y: Sliders? Gliders? Aren’t you then coming back to the importance of technique? And yes, I do like a man that is technically competent.

    @ Corey – I had used ‘neck of the woods’ to mean the wider Caribbean region, let’s just say I am a neighbour then shall we? Interesting thoughts on the issues related to patricentric and matricentric views within this discussion. Did promise myself to further explore the citations/references you gave. I must say your comments and your posts always present other angles that tease us as readers to go beyond the mere superficial.

    @ Mike: thanks both for the compliment and the honesty. While I can’t say I agree with tightness or size being a deal breaker in a relationship, I do however respect your view on the matter. In trying to be honest as well, I also know I couldnt be in a relationship with a man that can’t satisfy me sexually. However I also think that sexual satisfaction – or lack of it – isn’t always in direct correlation to fit (I have decided to use fit as I think based on the reflections size could be an issue on either side).

    @ Kofi : what can I say? When life gives you lemons you make lemonade; when it gives you a small dick you do pelvic floor exercises! Though I am now beginning to wonder if he had been telling his friends about some big pussy woman he had been sleeping with and just how he had to adjust! I am freaking out just thinking about it. Lol. On a serious note though you are so right – we tend to deflect the ‘fault’ elsewhere don’t we? For the record though, I liked him for a lot more reasons that the ‘fit’ we had.

  • Y’all, I find so much of the exchange here distasteful: tight pussy, loose and wet, dick this and that. Just a question (partially answered by Ms A): why are we sleeping with these loose, tight, big, small dick/pussies in the first place?

  • @Kofi There’s a reason why there’s a disclaimer at the main page’s opener about the contents of the site. Everything about the act of sex is irregular. Everything that encapsulates the nature of the topic of sex is anything but tasteful if you want to be incredibly honest about it.When I first stumbled on adventures, I found it very unique and refreshing to see a forum where sex could be discussed so honestly, and with a wealth of information for the less informed to possibly add to their growing understanding of sex. If you find the use of certain words distasteful, you might as well not bother reading the entry- which is squarely centered on PENIS SIZES! What would you prefer? some lovely pronouns, adverbs, or adjectives that sound like they came right from some sexually-repressed era in society? Would you find these less offensive to your delicate sensibilities?

    Why do we bother to sleep with so-so, and so? Dating is largely experimental. You can have the greatest of connections, finish each other’s every word, and maybe even find everything in common save genetic markers. But that doesn’t mean it’ll be smooth sailing in bed. And, perchance you hit that proverbial snag, I like the idea of enjoining a very honest and vivid discussion about something I may not find the ease to approach with that near-perfect partner I have. Or, at least find tips and ground info with which to approach issues I may have, and ones even she might have but doesn’t quite know how to discuss with me. And personally, I don’t mind this learning to come in the form of colourful words as long as I get an honest discussion about the topic at hand. Then maybe whatever dating experiment we all choose to have might not rest on these issues (which we would’ve learned to address) as it often is for some, and might end up as foot notes in largely fulfilling relationships for others- ya know, the reason we all started sleeping with people with all these so-called issues in the first place.

  • I find it interesting, First Mike, that you think anything less than your colorful descriptions belongs to a ‘sexually-repressed’ era, or that if one reads a posting about penis sizes then one must automatically endorse and celebrate a strict focus on genitalia and their characteristics.

    I would have thought that the subject left room for other explorations of why size alone was not the most important aspect of the experience, experimental or not. I’m sure that there could be honesty in other forms of exploration as well. I find the focus on pussy/dick, to the exclusion of other forms of interaction quite telling about the alienation that I believe exists between the sexes. As to enjoining discussions here, a concept I find ambiguous, given the multiple meanings of the word, it is curious that folks find it easier to have the discussion here, rather than with the ‘near-perfect partner’. By the way, what does it mean to be a near-perfect partner. You can check all the boxes, but if your pussy or dick isn’t tight or large enough, forget it? That is precisely my point. Are people really all about their pussies or dicks? I think its okay to have some disquiet about these issues, it might occasion some more reflection about what we are about and what should be really important in our interactions.

  • This would be my last entry on the subject as I’ve already offered what I thought was a largely ignored part of the so-called size issue. Anyway, from the entries you’ve made here, all I can discern is someone raising his objections to how a topic is discussed. You’d like to think the subject leaves room for other explorations of why size… yet I didn’t see that contribution from you, just objections… (unlike you wanted me to take just your self-esteem/phallo-superiority bit and leave it at that). Isn’t that the real point of a discussion? What do we really learn from a discussion if we all spend our time talking about how to have the discussion?

    Near perfect means just that: near perfect. It’s where you hold the belief that whomever you’ve landed with couldn’t be more compatible, but understanding that no human is infallible and that we all have certain kinks to our person that doesn’t always fit with our desired partners personalities or interests. Size or sex-related issues is but one of many examples of kinks one could have to work out with his/her partner, but you chose to hone in on sex to mount your objection to my term, not allowing that there’s more to those words than the limited interpretation you choose to put on it. But then again why should I be surprised by that from someone making what’s largely an objection to how others are discussion an issue.

  • @FM, I wonder what my transgression has been… having the temerity to say that I wish the focus was on size in the context of relationships? Which violation doesn’t seem to excite your ire in other contexts. Or not couching my objections in a manner that would suit you. Or thinking that this sort of language alienates the genders from each other? I think my objections are contributions, and beyond that I have in fact made several contributions in this thread, maybe it’s the form in which they are presented that obscures them. In which case, I apologize for being less than direct.

  • @ Mike

    I think you misread what I said, I said that subconsciously most men are aroused by the idea of inflicting pain on a woman. Yes, for the rapist, since rape is principally about power, that would be heightened, but then the rapist is the “logical” extension of our wider cultural ideology that sees all sexual relations with women as exercises in power relations, which leads back to what I said about subconsciously inflicting pain. Since childhood most of us have been encouraged to approach female from the angle of “conquering,” so that idea carries over knowingly or unknowingly into how we engage in sexual intercourse. You yourself point out that no way you would be cumming if the woman’s vagina feels like “an ocean”……well how many women’s vulvas ever felt like one? And what about the millions of nerve endings on both the penis tip AND the clitoris and vaginal mouth? Are you saying that they can not be stimulated if the woman’s vagina is “wide”? Sorry, I don’t buy that. I’ve listened to numerous male and female adult stars’s interviews — since they get the most comments of being impossible to feel anything during intercourse — and by and large they all say that whether or not they are stimulated has to do with a number of factors almost none of which has to do with the anatomy of the person they are working with.

    @ Ms A
    Duly noted *whew, she not from Trinidad* lololol

    But it’s good to have the perspective from someone from this part of the Americas.

    • Corey, you’re definitely not the only one from T&T logging in to Adventures. I just checked my control panel statistics and Trinidad & Tobago comes in at number 8, in terms of the countries where I get the most traffic from. The US is number 1, Ghana is number 2, Great Britain is number 3, Nigeria is number 4 and Norway is number 5. Norway??? Statistics can be interesting

  • Of course, Nana, you know what they sometimes say: there are lies, damn lies and STATISTICS *heh heh heh*

    I’m not too surprised that there are other Trinis logging onto this site; it was brought to my attention by a Trini friend of mine and I also passed on info about this site others on Trinicenter and FB.

    But you should not be surprised about the fact there are people in Norway logging in to read what is being discussed here. There are quite a few people of African and Afri-Caribbean descent living and working all over Europe. Also, ironically, over the years there has been a lifting in maturity and types of discourse in Europe (much more I am often inclined to think, than what passes for discussions in the US and the Caribbean)

    Ah well

  • @ Kofi : I re-read the responses again and my take is that while we have had some clear comments about size, we have not as you rightly pointed out explored other factors. I am not sure what you do find distateful – it is the language? or is the preoccupation that seems to come across in the answes? I had expected a bit more inputs from the women readers of this blog – could that have changed the discussions and focus a bit? I guess with a mix of different perspectives, experiences, genders, age and cultures there would be no one nicely packaged and easy answer is there? Interestingly within the context of this discussion I was pleasantly surprised to see that my own views have changed with age and stage.

    Funnily enough, I am having an equally interesting off line debate with my partner about the responses as well as our own individual take on the issue. We both made our own adjustments within the context of our relationship when it came to sex but recognised from early on that there was a lot more to what we both wanted from this relationship. In our discussions we pushed the boundary a little further by also looking at why we have made the choice to stay together and committed. In our reflections we came to the conclusion that there were other factors – love, mutual respect, identification with a kindred spirit and in short just wanting to be together. We did recognise of course that being sexually compatible helped in the inital stages, however as he said to me this morning, ‘Miss A, we are past the point of looking at issues merely from the sexual perspective’. Bottom line is I am not with him because of one part of his anatomy. I am with him because of him, the complete package.

  • @ Kofi and First Mike : we can agree to disagree can’t we? In fact that is what makes the exchanges even more interesting! You have said so much in the exchanges between you two than perhaps even what was said in your previous individual posts!

    @ Corey and Nana : Statistics was what promopted this discussion in the first place! Was giggling at this as maybe we need to figure out if the penis atlas falls in the category of ‘ lies, damn lies or STATISTICS’. Lol. A bad attempt to paraphrase Corey of course.

  • “A bad attempt to paraphrase Corey of course.”
    Eh eh, don’t call my name in yuh ting as we say in Trinidad, :-).

    But you said something rather interesting for me when you pointed out that with your partner it was apparently mostly sexual in the initial stages and now has since evolved into the “whole package” With me it is more or less the other way around; I may interact with a woman and usually imagine what it would be like to sleep with her yes, but frankly my interest only really picks up based on the level of her intelligence. I don’t care howe pretty and stunning you may be, if you can’t engage in a conversation on say social issues or music or, say US foreign policy or feminist/womanist issues, I really have no interest in you at all. That’s just me (probably why I can’t get no daMn action around here *ahem* ANYWAY!!!)

  • Well Missa Gilkes if yu neva did trow di stone inna di proverbial hog-pen I wudden did squeal so please kibba yu mout! 😀

    Seriously though, contrary to your assumption Mr X and I didn’t start off on a purely sexual relationship. Not sure what in my post triggered that but felt of course I should clarify this. We were in fact good friends before we took it to that level. We invested the time in getting to know each other and so by the time sex entered into the equation, I think we both knew what we wanted from the relationship. Yes, sex was still another ‘test’ in compatibility but by then we had gone through several cycles of ‘testing’ on other issues. I do think introducing sex too early in a relationship creates its own challenges, and Lord knows I have confused being in love with the throes of a good orgasm! I have had relationships that started off based on the sex, but those ended up being hard to maintain. The maintenance challenge was not because of the sex per se, but rather because there were too many other incompatibilities that didn’t make the relationship work. Early on, I realized that I needed to be challenged intellectually and not just physically by my partner. The older I have gotten, the less I compromise on that element.

    Anyway, I am sure after you grit your teeth and wade through the pretty dunce (as we would say in our neck of the woods) you will find someone that gets your creative and other *ahem* juices flowing. Best of luck!

  • Oh lord look whe she gorn now, oman, once yu eh say is “I” call yuh a hog I good (not me and allyuh Caribbean people nah, next ting stone and bottle start to land on mih roof when I trying to sleep, allyuh does know how to find Trinidad when allyuh want 😉 )

    Well I do stand to be corrected. I think if you read over your last sentences as well as mine, I more or less said the same thing you did: that it was more sexual in the “initial” stages, that doesn’t mean I said you started off with the sex but I think we both know now exactly what each other meant.

    And like you, I think as I get older I find myself less wanting to compromise on the intelligence aspect (hell, in general I find myself ONLY wanting to associate with people who are mentally mature; after what passes for political and inellectual discourse in this place I does feel to cuss HARD sometimes)

    Right, venting aside, I think I’ll stick to oral sex (ie, talking about it, heh heh heh) rather than the pretty dunces

  • Thanks to Ms A and Corey Gilkes for lifting the discussion… I’ve no problem with agreeing to disagree, but I do have a problem with a discussion of what matters between men/women, women/women and men/men that veers toward the anatomical without touching on the things that make a human being whole. I am sure that is a matter of personal preference. I threw that – perhaps my language was infelicitous – in with the hope that we would get the kind of explication that Ms A and CG got into in their last posts.

  • @ Corey : Ah Mr Gilkes it seems as if we have come full circle and are now back to the question of size! Size of one’s intellectual capacity vs size of one’s anatomical capacity! So yes, I guess size does matter. What varies is the perspective from which you are measuring and/or looking – and in this respect to each his/her own.

    @ Kofi : well some credit goes to you too. Perhaps if you (and First Mike) never pushed the boundaries we would still be skirting around the details. So yes, do take some credit for the ‘lifting’ too.

    @ Everyone that commented: thanks for sharing all the view points. I have learnt some new things – also about my self and how my own perspectives have changed. Its good to have these self reflections.

    @ Nana : thanks ever so much for allowing me to post this here and allowing me a ‘voice’ . Thoroughly enjoyed it!

  • I just read all 40 comments at a go! So it appears size does matter. I do agree that the last posts start to address Kofi’s issues on size in relation to the other things that matter. The language did get a little weird for me too somewhere along the line, but I won’t get into that debate about “appropriating offensive terms” to show that we are progressive/ not repressed etc.

    @Nana, Interesting statistics. I wonder how many of your international blog readers identify as African or Afri-something or other and how many do not. Also please please don’t forget to give the illustrious Mr Corey Gilkes my email address 🙂

    @Corey, please help me pester Nana so that I can pick your brain (what a disgusting image…I wonder about its roots) on history in Trinidad.

  • @ Ms A
    You are so correct, size does matter but not necessarily in the way we all think and to each his/her own (admittedly, I am for wetness more than tightness……just saying)

    @ Bois: Very well Ma’am

    @ Nana: Nana, there’s a pesky black woman on your site who has been constantly harassing me, asking for my email address. She’s making herself quite a nuisance and is causing me much consternation. The situation is becoming quite unbearable and I thought I’d bring it to your attention for an expeditious settling of this most tendentious and potentially volatile (ok, I’ve no idea how to finish this, running out of words now)

    Nana, could you be so good as to contact her privately and give her my email address before she becomes a pain in YOUR arse? We do have some things to discuss admittedly

    Much regards

    @ Bois…… was that? Too diplomatic, perhaps?

  • @Corey: perfect! Thanks again for the lively va-et-vient on your post. Very thought-provoking for some of the work I am doing now…sans rancune j’espere (no hard feelings I hope).

    Looks like things got heated for a minute on this post too…phew!

  • Yeah, so I realised. Of course one has to expect that with topics like this. Hey, as long as it involves mature discussion and exchanging ideas……

  • Hahahahah. Sorry oooo Bois d’ebene and Corey….I had missed some of these exchanges and yes I was supposed to email you Corey and ask if I could give Bois your email but but but…okay email intro coming up in a few seconds 🙂

  • So we are preoccupied with size then if the comments on this blog are any indication. Lol!

  • Nana

    You might want to click on the links below; even before Kinsey there were other surveys that touched on sexuality and at least one pioneering researcher’s findings – which were unfortunately not publicised for decades – may very well force us to rethink just how men and women actually viewed sex in 19thC Euro-America (and possibly, England). From what I read on this remarkable woman’s bio, it has all but confirmed a suspicion I had for some time now about how deep goes the double-standard in the “moral instruction” of the British, Canadian and American missionaries who were given control of colonial education

    And thanks for Bois’ email (certainly took you long enough, lololol)

  • Thanks for the salutary reminder that size matters: size of one’s intellect, as some would have it, the size of one’s heart, the sex organ most important to me. Good debate overall, I learned a lot about real-life.

  • the zise( LxBxH) of the vag” will determine the size of pnis a woman/girl will opt for.

  • so to end it all, size does matter irrespective of the orientation of it. considering all the comments and how everyone’s been sharing their takeI, miss A u have your answer we are preoccupied with size

  • @RHL: RHL who said the discussion is over? But seriously …so size matters after all? No one said small or big, long or short of his or her’s. Ineresting human discussion! Thanks Miss A and all

  • never interested in size of my penis till i got to SSS. I entered the bath house naked and everybody was like omg !!! Actually i felt very uncomfortable so i had to bathe alone afterwards. But the thing is i dont even see how big it is when i look down at it, i still feel insecure till date if i remember those comments. To those who yearn for big dicks, just to let you know some of us wished we could reduce to average. Be careful what you wish for !!!

  • @ paak,

    hehehehehehehehehehee!!! ooooh lalalala!!:)

    how you doin? *wink wink*

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