Guest Contributor Ms Didi: How much honesty can you handle?

I want a guy who won’t lie to me, who will always tell me the truth no matter what, a honest guy, look me in the eyes and tell me what others can’t? Huh?????

I had so many thoughts running through my head as Michelle went on and on. Yea right, Honest indeed! We claim to want honest men but how much honesty can we really handle? Last time a guy told me I needed to shed some weight, I automatically said no to his proposal. (Now really I can’t stop laughing because I knew it was true but just didn’t want him to tell me).How many women would want her man to tell her how not nice her outfit is or how excessive her makeup is.

Now let me go a bit further. How much should one reveal about his or her past all in the name of coming out plain? Yes I love him and want to be open with him but do I really want him to know how many guys I have been with in the past or do I want to know about all his sexcapades?

I’m sure there are a lot more truths we can’t handle and we keep deceiving ourselves every day. A friend of mine would say a necessary lie to save you isn’t a lie. Hmmm!

Back to the big question, “HOW MUCH HONESTY CAN YOU HANDLE?”

12 comments On Guest Contributor Ms Didi: How much honesty can you handle?

  • This is such a good subject to raise. Thank you Ms Didi!

    Personally I can handle a lot of ‘harsh’ truths, the important thing to me where relationships are concerned is that we define the boundaries of that relationship. When I ask people to be truthful to me, I mean it. There may be consequences to that truth though so for e.g. if I’m f***ing one person exclusively and I’ve told you to let me know if you want to f**k someone else, I really mean it too. I want to know so I can make a sensible choice what happens next with our relationship. That choice can go in any direction but I NEED the truth so I can make well informed choices

  • I agree with Nana, particularly on the issue of how many partners my current flame is/may be sleeping with! There’s just something disrespectful about sleeping with several people and not having the decency to tell me.

    I am a fan of selective honesty. Tell me the truth, but only when it flatters. 😉

  • I believe that being a 100% plain with you partner is the surest way to go. But the question is how does the othe partner feel about your honesty. I for one hate being told the truth, i just can’t handle it especially when it’s got to do with who and who my bf has had sex with.

    I once wanted to know whether he enjoyed having sex with one particular girl(his ex being one of my girls) and guess what his answers was,”yes i enjoyed every bit of it”. he went on and on until i had to stop him cos i couldn’t take it any longer. Although he was being honest about how he felt with his ex (he’s got nothing to do with the girl now of which i’m 110% sure) i just couldn’t deal with the truth. Although there’s nothing between them now, i always think about the possibility of them having sex behind my back whenever i see the girl. Of course you don’t want to lie about stuffs that matters,but you consider what you have with your partner ( a love filled relationship or a just pass through stuff). I don’t expect myself to be honest to my bf about having sex with 76 guys and still fantasizing more(believe it or not that’s the truth) at the age of 25. I’ll have to keep quiet over that topic when it’s being raised or give a reasonable figure if i’m pushed to the wall.

    Who is to blame. it’s a white lie of course…hahahaha.

    • @Naa – Lol! My supposedly ‘non-judgemental’ self was going ‘Noooooooooo’ at having slept with 76 guys. Hahahaha. Actually one of the posts I’ve been wanting to write but will definitely not be writing is a post on everyone I’ve ever had sex with…

  • For starters, one shouldn’t ask questions that they don’t want an honest answer too. The only relevant questions i would have about my boo’s sexual past is do u have any babies, do u have any diseases, and have u been with any close friend or relation of mine. Other than that, the past is the past and asking questions about it is only going to upset you.

    In my opinion, its not the honesty that is the issue in other scenarios, its what he’s being honest about that might pose an issue. Like say if i ask if he is having an affair/cheating and he honestly tells me yes he is. Im not mad that he was honest, im mad that he was having an affair.

  • interesting. i always want to know the truth but i must admit im not able to handle it 60% of the time. im really inquisitive and emotional at the same boyfriend of four months who im crazily in love with just revealed to me that he has a 1yr old baby. apart from the fact that i really dont like getting involved with guys with kids from past relationships, im just so mad that he did not tell me till now. it hurts that i love him so much and now im so confused, a part of me wishes he did not tell me at all.

  • Way to go, Naa… not an ounce of self-loathing.

  • Back to numbers of sexual partners.. does having a lot of sexual partners destroy the love myth? Does it make it easy to escape relationships because it’s easier to start all over again than it is to stay to fix issues with the current one?

    Can we sustain the illusion that the new one will be fresh and interesting? Does that illusion last?

  • I want the truth, but depending on what you’re being truthful about, i can’t promise i will handle it well. But once i’m over it, i am over it.

  • I would want the truth only to ‘relevant’ questions/issues and especially only in relationships that I feel would go far. I don’t see the point of full disclosure about every minute detail of our individual lives and the relationship (history, present, future). I’m certainly not going to be sharing info on how many sexual partners we’ve both had and who was best in bed. I mean what value is that going to add?
    I’d certainly like to know the level of perceived exclusivity of the relationship that we both have.That is important. I grasped on to the fact that the truth hurts way back when i was 18 so I can handle it particularly on ‘relevant’ issues. Life is about choices, as has been said above, the truth about important issues would help you make informed decisions but don’t go asking silly questions like ‘does my bum look big in this’ and ‘was that ex good in bed’.

  • It really hurts when someone you truly love is untruthful to you. Not about past and on-going relationships, but about life in general. Here is someone I never lied to. Respected as a lady and refused to have sex with because I thought she needed to be dignified. I gave her all the support I could give a lady. Unfortunately she was all the while sleeping with other men and totally keeping it off me. Then one day she confessed because there was trouble elsewhere. Why did this lady choose to lie to me all this while? It hurts too bad. And even now, she has not stopped telling lies. Maybe I should just move on

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