“Invite Mansa to that event you go to regularly,” said my friend Kojo to me via DM (direct message facility on twitter). She’s just moved back and wants to meet some new people. “Sure”, I responded.
Ring, ring
Nana: Hey how are you doing? Kojo says you’re interested in coming along to x event.
Mansa: Is that what he said? I told him I want to meet someone to marry, and he advised me to come to x event with you. He said you’ve got the link up to the social scene in Ghana.
Cue side splitting laughter
Nana: He said what? Hahaha. X event is full of married men. 95% of the men who come there are married, and the 5% who are not…well you will know why they are not when you meet them.
This conversation reminded me of a conversation I had over 4 years ago with my Uncle when I was returning home to Ghana.
Uncle: Ho! Wait, and see. When you go to Ghana you will get married in less than a year.
Me thinking to myself: But I’m only just getting divorced now. I don’t think I want to be married in less than a year
And thank the Goddess I felt like that ‘cos even if I wanted to get married to a Ghanaian who lives in Ghana there is a serious paucity of eligible men for 30 something women such as myself.
Oh and I can imagine what you may already be thinking. You’re too fussy? You’re discriminating against people on the basis of class, income, age…? And all that is true so let’s move right along…
I think there are a serious lack of eligible men for 30 something year old women in Ghana because primarily men (and women) in Ghana get married at an early age. Mid to late twenties…and even more significantly they stay married. Even when they are unhappy, even when the passion has gone out of their relationship, even when…whatever the reason may be, they stay married. What they tend to do is take on mistresses, girlfriends, and whatever labels they may want to give their extra marital relationships.
So if you’re a 30 something year old woman wishing to move to Ghana and hoping to find a man (to marry) then I think you will find slim pickings indeed.
I would love someone to prove me wrong though. I constantly have 30 something old friends moving to Ghana/wishing to move to Ghana and asking me to hook them up with a man with whom they can have a serious relationship. I often tell them no such creatures exist. Or when I’m trying to help them I advice them to join a large church (cos you know these modern churches take the business of hooking up singletons very seriously). But if you’re a ‘secular’ woman, a non conventional woman like myself then I reckon you need to start thinking out of the box when it comes to relationships.
But people prove me wrong. Where can 30 something year old Ghanaian women go to meet eligible men in Ghana?
34 comments On There are no eligible men in Ghana. Prove me wrong.
You need to go to a village. Seriously. Find the guy who has been contracted to source oil, precious minerals, etc by a foreign firm and get it on. There ARE no eligible men in ACCRA, but there are a few in the bush. True talk.
Eiiiiish! Is the situation that dire?! Oh mi gosh, I can’t come there for work then…I would want someone to play with… Keep the faith my sista, keep the faith!!!
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LMAO!!!
What I thought was interesting about my convo with Nana is that Kojo actually said there would be single men – single, professional men, to be specific. So what made him think that? Is it because you and I are fussy and the folks he would refer to as single, professional are not the type we’re looking for? I don’t know man – but I was honestly under the impression that as a 30+ woman, moving back to Ghana would be best for me ‘cos the men are in Ghana.
EVERYONE claims that if you move home, you’d get hitched in less than a year (where is this year thing from??). To be honest, I’ve been hit on quite a bit since I moved, quite a lot actually, but all from folks that I wouldn’t date, much more marry. I don’t think my standards are high honestly – its pretty simple. I am looking for connection on 4 levels – emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual. Is that asking too much?
Nana, I think the reason why you and I will find it harder finding men in Ghana is because the first 3 matter to us, whereas most Ghanaian chicks are fine as long as the guy is a Christian and can provide. But for me, honestly, if we’re not on the same intellectual wavelength, if there isn’t physical chemistry or emotional connection, then it can’t happen even if you’re a saint. Is that being fussy?
Anyhoo, so I guess I won’t be coming to X event afterall (except maybe in two weeks like you suggested) but honestly, I gotta be judicious with my time! Can’t be traipsing places that won’t yield nothing 🙂
Looking for an above 30- something year old single Ghanaman in Accra with who you can have an Emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual connection? Ummmm all I offered was single professional – as for the criteria listed above I’d say widen your options. Don’t restrict it to Accra/Ghana. The single men who fit your description are extremely few and spoilt for choice as all the single- above -30 -yr -old girls in town plot how to outdo each other to win them. As Malaka says above there are a few good men in the bushes – engineers, oil rig technicians, investment -bankers -turned -farmers, doctors working in remote towns & villages etc – seek them out. Could be thrilling. The only other option is desperate, not advisable & could have long term repercussions for your reputation and relationship IF you suceed: steal them.
“…You’re too fussy? You’re discriminating against people on the basis of class, income, age…? And all that is true so let’s move right along…” hahahahahahaha such honesty, not very common. I couldn’t stop laughing from that point.
@ nana,
hun you’ve been married before? or am i reading my own thing….
so true. i went for a wedding of a former uni classmate of mine today and i swear that 2/3rds of my class (male & female) are all wedded up! and the worst part of it is that i’m not even in my thirties yet, i’m twenty-bloody-seven! what the hell!!! was there a ‘marry-by-30’ memo that every1 in my class received except me? smh!!!! altho i hv a boo now, i always tell myself that altho i love him to bits, should we break up, it’s ok cos in the end, i’ll be searching for one mr right (to replace him) not hundreds of em. and i swear that I WOULD FIND HIM wherever he is!!! lol (o dear! i think i’m losing it…)
@ Ekuba,
Hey dear! You are looooooosing ittt! looool. Girl you only 27 young, have FUN!
I know of 2 Ghanaian women, in their 30s and based in the U.S., who’ve found husbands in Ghana so I think it’s possible. I don’t have details about how each couple met though…
I couldn’t help but laugh at some of the comments. I believe Mansa is not being fussy? I mean you can’t just go for anything all because you are in your 30s. I strongly believe eligible men can be found anywhere on the planet, its just a matter of what one is looking for? what really pisses me off about people on the age factor of 30 is when they believe women can’t find eligible men when they are 30 plus. well they are so wrong. its just what one is looking for? and on the subject of eligible men in Ghana? there are eligible men, but they are just hand full so you need to find them. And one needs to be smart about it. lol
Hope this is not the same event I go to regularly, and that I am not part of the 5% percent who are undesirable. 🙂
There are eligible men everywhere. A bunch of them that fit your specs too.
Thing is, as soon as the they sense that “husband-hunting” vibe in the air, the camouflage comes on and they switch to stealth mode.
The decent eligible men I know want a relationship first. When that relationship is tight, they will marry you aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
I’m convinced that men are the same everywhere and women are the same everywhere. If you can’t hold a relationship in Saskatchewan, you won’t be able to hold one in Mangoase.
Mansa, why do you want to get married anyway? What makes a woman desire marriage when I feel I could live a useful life without getting married?
@ Malaka – Sweetie you know me, and I’m strictly a city girl apart from sojourns to the beach. So what happens after I have met this man in the bush? I move to the bush or he moves to the city? Oh but maybe I am confused. This advice is directed at Mansa abi?
@African Mami – There is no shortage of players to play with 🙂 Shortage of eligible men for 30 something women who want long term relationships which will preferably lead to marriage. And yes I have been married before.
@Mansa – Lol! Give x event a chance wai 🙂 Thanks for inspiring this post
@Kojo – Surely men cannot be stolen 🙂
@ozohu – Ha! I’m happy I could make you laugh
@Ekuba – You do have the right attitude (according to Nana D). You’ll do just fine. WIth or without your current boo
@NineG – Its terrible how stereotypes can come to your mind unwarranted. I couldn’t help but think ‘maybe they wanted green cards’…
@missy – Any tips on how to find the handful of eligible men in Ghana?
@Kofi – You are completely desirable 🙂
@Mike – Are you one of the eligible men? 🙂
I know of a few eligible Ghanaian men out there. How can they contact you ladies?
Nana, you and I have discussed this @ lenghth, to the point where I actually set the website up and am stuck @ figuring out how to ppl can pay 4 their membership. If anyone on here has any ideas how pls share. The site is called 30spluslove.com
If we all are seeking the same thing- the elusive eligible man let’s see how we can help each other find him shall we
@Franc – Good question, and I am actually stumped on how to respond 🙂 Ah but it looks like @Dee has a solution – heading over to your site now Dee
@Dee – The site has an image of a white couple? And the sign up form refers to being a US resident?
Nana, the site is incomplete coz of the issue of subsription and how people will pay, but no it has a black couple. Its 30spluslove.com
@Dee – Ah. Then there is another dating site with a very similar name. I think the only difference is the ‘s’. My recommendation is that you partner with a tech company to build the site. Payment can be through a variety of methods..bank transfer, western union, airtel, m-pesa etc
@ Nana. I tend to be eligible only when talking to non-husband hunters.
I’m still interested in hearing from the ladies looking for elligible men to marry. What drives a woman’s desire to get married?
@Dee one of the ways for people to pay for the services is to open a merchant account with Paypal and get your website developer to incorporate it into the website. People can then pay using their debit/credit cards. Once the payment is made the money can then be transferred into the company account.
@ Mike:some reasons driving lots of women to marriage-
1. Desire for children: Lots of women choose to have children without getting married (like my sister) and this is a respectable decision. However, lots of women also desire to have children within marriage only. Science says women hv ‘biological deadlines’ to have kids and so if you want 2 hv em within marriage ONLY, there’s a ‘deadline’ to get married so to speak! 🙂
2. Commitment: The marriage certificate doesnt signify commitment else there’d be no divorce or people cheating. However, as Nana said, in Ghana people tend to stay married so for most Ghanaian women, once you get a hubby, he’s there forever (even if he turns out to be an ass)
3: Financial: the benefit of having another person to pull resources together with (ie: also the reason why business partnerships are formed abi?).
4. Social: African societies tend to ‘exalt/ hallow’ marriage & childbirth. So some women marry to ‘boost’ their status & give em ‘bragging rights’.
most of these reasons don’t apply to men (eg. men dont hv biological clocks) hence fewer men feel propelled to marry in most societies.
Well said Ekuba. Same reasons that keep me from getting into serious relationships with 30-somethings. Most of those reasons benefit the woman more than they benefit me. Those “priorities” aren’t aligned with mine.
All 4 points here are hinged on things the guy is bringing to the table. If I’m walking away, it is because I dont see much on the table that makes it worth my while to engage.
Despite all reason, we are suckers still. We love y’all too much.
Hahaha, @ Mike: true, i see how all these reasons must be annoying to a guy. it’s like when you think abt it, a woman may not be marrying you cos she’s soooo in love with you but cos of other ‘militating’ factors 🙂 most of my married friends didnt marry their one and only true love or the man they just couldnt live without but they married the man it was best for em to be with. but in the long run it’s not thaat bad is it? i mean, i read somewhere that marriages based on practicality typically last longer than those based on being reaaaally in love. anyway, you know what, i think that when you meet the right lady (assuming you havent met her yet) getting hinged wont be a problem @ all! best of luck!
Kaiii… And here I thought us Kenyan babes had problems.
My WestAfrican sistas don’t fret shat. This epidemic is continent wide ooo..
Nana, so when I come visit ya, is shouldn’t expect to meet any eligible Ghana boys? *wails*
Very interesting thread… I agree with Akuba, seems like the order of the day back home in Ghana is to go to college, graduate and get married asap. All my classmates as well are getting married left, right and centre@ Lol. I’m in my late 20’s and contraryt to the order of the day, all I want is a relationship with a good man who is serious about our relationship … that’s all I’m asking for! However even that is hard to find… decent Ghanaian men are scarce in the diaspora! All the GH men in these parts of the world want is to hook up as and when they feel like having sex… huge turnoff. Sadly enough, long distance relationships don’t seem to work too well for me either… sigh….
@africanprincess where in the diaspora are you? From my experience there are a lot of eligible GH men and women in the diaspora who are looking and may be compatible but the problem is they dont get to meet or link up. It appears it is easier to hook up with people back in GH bcos there is a larger pool but this has serious challenges. I don’t know people’s experiences but I find dating sites too artificial for my liking. Spontaneous meeting or linking up through mutual friends seem to be the best but sadly thats not enough to go round.
I live in Canada, but used to live in the US. I am not sure where you live but I’m yet to find one decent Ghanaian gentleman in this place without utlerior motives for wanting to hook up with a woman….
@africanpricess I am very familiar with the US, UK and Europe in general but not Canada. Canada is one of the few places in the West I haven’t visited and I don’t know much about the situation there. But I know everyone who wants to go into a relationship has an ulterior motive. That motive to could be marriage, companionship or just sex. It is when the motives coincides that it becomes a relationship and ultimately marriage if thats what both parties desire. But if you say the eligible GH men you meet over there are not serious that needs investigation any good man who is not already married may want to settle down some day with a lady if they are not gay. One of the things that cause good eligible men to loose interest and act not serious is the attitude and posture of ladies that one can describe as a good catch. Every relationship has benefits for both parties. For example when some GH ladies act like it is they only that have to benefit from a relationship it can be a huge turn off. But then I don’t know much about the situation in Canada. I guess the market for a match making service for Africans in the diaspora become more and more needed.
In that case, it would be very helpful if each party could be frank about what their intentions are for the relationship from day one… unfortunately, a lot of GH men are not able to do that, for fear that it might frighen the woman away.
@africanprincess yes I agree with you. In the ideal world it will be best if every partner puts all their cards on the table at the start of a relationship. I think it works both ways. For eg if a man in Europe or North America with legal papers in their host country approaches a GH lady for a relationship leading to marriage, it will be nice if the lady puts all her cards on the table and indicate she is only interested in the relationship not for a long term but just to get her papers or just to chop his money small although she does not love him. Then the man will have to make the decision whether or not to go ahead with the understanding that once she gets her papers or meets someone more desirable or with much more money she will quit the relationship. With the exception of a few women many do not do that. They will go ahead and once they get what they want they will move on leaving the man devasted. Similarly it is wrong when men also do it if they want a lady just for fun or sex with no long term committment and they do not lay their cards on the table. The exception I see in GH is when some women go for a married man knowing very well that he is not available but then they go in for the money or for whatever reason. I guess if the double standards around sex were to be eliminated more women will be willing to go into a relationship as just fuck buddies.
Lets face it the reality of the situation is that sometimes you might attracted to a lady or man physically and may have intention for long term committment. However, as soon as you go in and find that you are both incompatible for whatever reason the best thing to do is to end the relationship before you become too emotionally involved.Yet if that happens people in Ghana will interprete it as “having disappointed the person” when in actual fact you are being pragmatic and averting any future catastrophy.
I’m available if you want a tall ,good looking and single over 30 ghanaian guy in GH.I moved here almost 2 yrs ago.